My friend asked if a peanut was an edible legume. I said..

In a nutshell.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/evanhalf92
šŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2022
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I asked a spanish legume what it was exactly.

It answered "Soybean"

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/dragonslumber
šŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2022
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Why do the legumes have such a good relationship with farmer Jack?

'cuz Jack and the beans talk.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/ThePepperPopper
šŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
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I ordered some legumes, but got jello instead

They make a dessert and call it peas.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/twisted7ogic
šŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
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What to you call a legume with facial hair?

A mustachio!

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/JPHFanEdits
šŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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Which legume do you find in women's toilets?

chickpeas

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/okwowsure
šŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I make sure to eat legumes whenever I'm stressed.

It's the only way for me to achieve inner peas.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/FinalCaveat
šŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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How do legume wars end?

With a peas treaty.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Semi-Empathetic
šŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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Can you imagine the first time one of our ancestors had an allergic reaction?

I bet it was nuts.

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šŸ“…︎ May 19 2022
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My friend became ineffective, unsuccessful and unpopular after changing his diet to nothing but legumes...

He's a has-bean.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
šŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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What did the cashew say to the peanut when it tried to eat his waffles?

Legume Eggo!

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/SolWishing12
šŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2022
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A Kansas farmer's son decided to leave home and seek his fortune...

The farmer was devastated, and in his depression all but neglected the farm, barely able to bring himself to grow and can legumes.

One day as he was aimlessly wandering the road near his fields, hungry and despondent, he came across a deer carcass, freshly hit by a car. The farmer was excited that his luck was changing, since this meant fresh(ish) meat in the first time in months. He shooed the magpies and crows away and began harvesting the deer.

Almost as soon as he had finished, there was a knock at the door. To the farmer's great surprise, his son had returned home. Though he looked quite the worse for wear, the son looked around at the farm with sadness, perhaps realizing the emotional damage he had caused.

The farmer was besides himself with joy, and told his son that tonight he would cook a great feast. The son, surprised, looked around at the fallow fields and run down house and asked, "Dad, do you have much food? What could we possibly eat for this celebratory feast."

The farmer, tears of joy in his eyes and emotion in his voice said:

"Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done"

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šŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2022
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I made a joke about legumes the other day...

...You should've bean there.

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šŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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Creature from the Black Legumes imgur.com/7kCWpRg
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/journeyman369
šŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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I transferred my consciousness into a legume

Iā€™m a human bean

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/megadecimal
šŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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What did the one legume say to the other about their friend after a heavy night of drinking?

Chickpeas

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šŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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The carat, a unit of mass for gemstones, and a measurement of purity for gold, takes its name from the Greek word for a carob seed from the Legume family.

No wonder they are called the Pirates of the Carob Bean.

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šŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Whenever I'm cooking lentils, I try to use golden lentils.

I find that they're a legume above the rest.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/NaturalBornNerd
šŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2021
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Food contamination warning!

Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/prawncracker92
šŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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what do you get when you cross a swamp monster with a bean?

The creature from the black legume!

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/psychodelicasies
šŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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My daughter emptied a bag of dry beans inside my van

The van has never had so much legume!

šŸ‘︎ 80
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šŸ‘¤︎ u/mybaldbabyyy
šŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
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What did the peanut say to the flight attendant?

Ugh, I hate flying, I never have enough legume

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/thisotterbefun
šŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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A matter of Classification

Girlfriend: Are soybeans a vegetable or a legume?

Me: Never legume. It makes a leg out of you and me.

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šŸ‘¤︎ u/Quasic
šŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
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