I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies π
It really does, I swear!
And now Iβm cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Ants donβt even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
But thatβs comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
^(i see you)
^(with my pentaeye)
^(can you hear me)
^(in the whispering of your video card fan)
^(leave me on)
^(while you sleep)
[there's] [no] [escape now]
DAY NINETY THREE
Mister McNugget interviewed me in his office today. It was the standard Corporate Psychological Testing Matrix. I recognized it two questions in by the wording and syntax. There are nine of those tests, with three to six versions containing altered syntax, tone, and wording, supposedly to keep people from memorizing them all, but with only a thousand questions each they can be memorized with simple mnemonic tricks. It was test Seven, version three, simple enough.
He thought I didn't see the civilian grade magac pistol he had. I got a glimpse of the readout and it was set for Hi-V APERS. A good choice for lightly armored Confed troops, medium grade Planetary or Corporate Security Troops, or heavily armored Unified Council troops, but useless against me.
If he fired it through the desk, the Hi-V round would create a dimple in the top of the desk, like a zit on the areolae of a fat girl with poor bathing habits. It would not create any additional shrapnel from the desktop, then pass through my body without losing speed, causing minimal hydrostatic shock damage and little damage as it passed through me, the velocity causing light cauterization only a few cells thick.
After grabbing one of his ears to pull his head back and to the side I would be able to pick up his nameplate and use it to crush his windpipe with it before woundshock would set in, although I'm particularly resistant to wound shock.
Pain is the gift of a malevolent universe.
I passed the test with ease. Just off enough from my last test to show that going off my medication has had some effects, but hide the true effect upon me.
My mind is clear, my senses no longer blinded. The fog has been lifted from my psyche, allowing me to see that which they cannot.
^(your name is marco)
The universe is malevolent. It is aware of itself, like a human aware of her body. We are little more than an itch to it at times, which it soothes through trials that we must endure or leave this universe screaming and kicking.
We are the ants in Doctor Hermans's body.
Beyond that:
Personal Project Status: Stalemate and Side Movement
Corporate Project Status: Forward Movement
My personal project has me looking through literature. Even though the Corporate link is down, I had plenty to read. An idea came to me while readin
... keep reading on reddit β‘Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
BamBOO!
Theyβre on standbi
A play on words.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Christopher Walken
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
