Last night my son saw a mouse in the kitchen so he wiped down all the counters and cleaned everything...
Tonight I'm putting the mouse in the bathroom.
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend “Why I have to change my position every time?”
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly
Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom
The strangest job I had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.
What is the most musical kitchen appliance?
The refrigerator. It's got more notes
I showed up to my last job interview exhausted and stoned
I hate spring cleaning...
Darn things bounce all over the place.
How dare they make someone else clean that up
I thanked him for cleaning my driveway. But he just brushed it off.
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested
Police say he was charged with counter fitting
When I was cleaning my room earlier I found book on anti-gravity...
I couldn't put it down.
As told by my son to my wife just now. The circle is complete.
Why were the Foo Fighters in the kitchen?
They had another confection to make.
The other day I asked my dad why he chose window cleaning as a profession
He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing
I got banned from /r/DadJokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"
Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk
I texted my daughter, "Did you know that superglue can also be used for cleaning!"
"Your computer keyboarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
He’s a catholic converter.
What could a furniture store call examples of seats for kitchen islands or bars?
What was the man who installs granite tops in Kitchens charge with?
What’s in the kitchen but belongs in a zoo?
Feeling “exhausted” ? Have a seat !
I have a friend that steals hand-held kitchen tools in broad daylight.
Hes quite the whisk taker
Why couldn't the chef go into the kitchen?
I sat on the toilet, angry, exhausted, and late for work.
I said to myself, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
What does a pirate say when he takes his car into the garage with a dodgy exhaust.
" Aaaaarrrr.....she blows."
Why couldn’t the chef get into the kitchen?
it was an emotional wedding...
People who run behind cars get exhausted.
But people who run in front of cars get tired.
My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day
I am a mom but, here goes
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
I cleaned the attic with my wife the other day
Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair!
As the disgraced saucier was forced out of his former kitchen, he threatened impotently:
"you will roux the day!!!"
Why does Cinderella go extra crazy with her spring cleaning?
Dad: I’M GOING TO BUY A BROOM AND CLEAN THE KITCHEN FLOOR TODAY!!!
Dad: Oh wait. It’s Wednesday. Tonight I have to be at work until 9.
Dad: I really shouldn’t make sweeping declarations.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Why did the birdie cross the kitchen?
What happens when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?
How do you clean Disney World?
I used to have a pack a day, but I’m clean now!!!
It was difficult, but I’ve stopped chewing gum now.
While walking around the kitchen today, I realized that we sprung a leak.
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it!
What could a furniture store call examples of seats for kitchen islands or bars?
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