A slice of key line pie in Jamaica is 2.75, while a slice in the Bahamas is 3.50.

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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I don't like music in the key of E minor

It gives me a case of the E G B Gs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?

Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hsdad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help. /r/Jokes/comments/hrlc58/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegendOfTrain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed β€œyes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCandIO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What’s a Canadian musician’s favourite key to play in?

Eh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCready419
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Ive just bought a wooden car. It’s got a wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition. There’s just one problem...

Wooden start!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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My uncle invested in a company that made the Enter-key for computer keyboards...

He made a fortune in Returns...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it

He was wearing khaki trousers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...

It's written in the key of B flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Why does the obese man keep his keys in his socks?

He wanted to try going on the key-toe diet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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I got sued once... the plaintiff brought in a rabbit as his key witness...

The judge dismissed it as hare say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity I’m involved in that I’m really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.

But I reply β€œNO I AM A CAPITALIST”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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TIL Houseflies buzz in the key of F

It's true! Unless you swat them. Then they're flat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P-dubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Bump…

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I locked my keys in the car...

So I took off my pants, rolled them up and rubbed them on the car door. The car unlocked.

I'm so glad I was wearing my khaki trousers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerZA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.

I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveHRRT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
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Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papa_sabre
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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The key to winning in Battle Royale games is the element

Of supplies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRage469
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Me: I can't find my keys again. Her: It's in your jeans.

Me: Don't bring my ancestors into this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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What do you see when someone puts a black piano key in your eye?

You C# edges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xKanji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Why was singer waiting at the front door?

He didn't have the right key and didn't know when to come in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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[During Job interview] "Can you explain this gap in your rΓ©sumΓ©?" Me: "I fell asleep on the space key."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_F_SMILES
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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I got in my car and put the key in the ignition but left my door open because it was hot.

There is this ding to tell me my keys are in the ignition still. I shut the door and the ding stops. But I turn on the car and it starts dinging again for my seatbelt notice.

Man, if it's not one ding it's another.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pete_the_rawdog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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I'm in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan...

It made escargot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Why can't the police catch Pablo Escobar?

He has the escape key in him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L-Sollies
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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My friend got stabbed in the spinal cord with a set of keys!

he said his back locked up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeerded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
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Got hit with this gem tonight in Key West

So I'm on vacation with my SO. Wasn't much into drinking tonight so he went out to shoot some pool and have a few drinks.

Comes home a few hours later, ask him how his night was.

"It was good, played two games against myself. No one wanted to play"

"Oh yeah, how'd that go?"

"Great! I won both games."

Did I mention that I'm pregnant? With twins?

Yep, this would be my boyfriend's first dad joke. As a dad. Too cute <3

Edit: autocorrect is my enemy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgosmokess
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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This is a key monument in San Francisco. imgur.com/oSzTSwV
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikingdoms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
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Drop my keys in the kitchen just as my sister walks in.

"Alright, let's keep this low-key and say this never happened."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReleaseTehKraken
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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Conversation with my wife this morning

Getting out of the car as we switch (we car pool) :

Wife : This is my key.

Me : Who's Mikey?

Wife : Rolls her eyes in pain.

  • I do this every time she talks about her key.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Max
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Went to get a key cut

But there where no employees in the shop. Aren’t they key workers?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neb12345
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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My gf and I ran into a dad in Key Largo.

So we asked a guy to take our picture in front of a sunset but it was still too bright to see our faces and such. In true dad fashion, he immediately put his sunglasses in front of the camera lens to try and counteract the problem at hand. This is the end result, http://i.imgur.com/C9InJ3C.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajones321
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
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My best in the moment pun i have ever had

In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.

As he is walking away....

Him: "you have a good day man"

Me: "you too, better lock next time"

I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwankyTiger_0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Key Lime pie, $2/slice in Jamaica, $1.50/slice in the Bahamas

These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pockets-sandy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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I bought a wooden car today.

Wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats, put the wooden key in the wooden ignition.

Wooden start.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rafapex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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How do you know that a vocalist is at your door?

They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cpt_hamster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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