Kelvin Mellor Puns

Hello, and welcome to the end of the 2021 summer's transfer window! It has been an extremely wild ride, one that we will definitely look back at in the future, and we still have a couple of hours for more fun! Feel free to post any rumour and official announcement here, the later will be added to the table!!!

## CONFIRMED DEALS

#FT: Blackburn Rovers 1-2 Morecambe

Venue: Ewood Park

LINE-UPS

Blackburn Rovers

Thomas Kaminski, Darragh Lenihan, Hayden Carter, Tyler Magliore (Jacob Davenport), Joe Rothwell (Sam Gallagher), Lewis Travis, John Buckley (Daniel Butterworth), Harry Pickering, Ryan Nyambe, Tyrhys Dolan, Ben Brereton.

Subs: Jordan Eastham, Dan Pike, Jake Garrett, Lenni Rae Cirino.

^____________________________

Morecambe

Jokull Andresson, Anthony O'Connor, Sam Lavelle, Greg Leigh, Kelvin Mellor (Toumani Diagouraga), Shane McLoughlin, Callum Jones, Adam Phillips, Cole Stockton, Wesley Mcdonald (Liam Gibson) (Jacob Mensah), Jonah Ayunga.

Subs: Kyle Letheren, Arthur Gnahoua, Joshua McPake, Alfie McCalmont.

MATCH EVENTS

#AET: Morecambe 1-0 Newport County

Morecambe scorers: Carlos Mendes Gomes (107' PEN)

Venue: Wembley Stadium

Auto-refreshing reddit comments link

LINE-UPS

Morecambe

Kyle Letheren, Nathaniel Knight-Percival, Sam Lavelle, Yann Songo'o, Liam Gibson (Kelvin Mellor), Ryan Cooney, Toumani Diagouraga, Aaron Wildig (John O'Sullivan), Carlos Mendes Gomes (Alex Kenyon), Liam McAlinden (Brad Lyons), Cole Stockton.

Subs: Mark Halstead, Ben Pringle, Harry Davis.

^____________________________

Newport County

Tom King, Matthew Dolan (Anthony Hartigan), Mickey Demetriou, Liam Shephard, Scott Bennett, Joss Labadie, Josh Sheehan, Ryan Haynes (Priestley Farquharson), Aaron Lewis (Ryan Taylor), Lewis Collins (Kevin Ellison), Padraig Amond (Nicky Maynard).

Subs: Joe Ledley, Nick Townsend.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

62' Substitution, Newport County. Ryan Taylor replaces Aaron Lewis.

63' Substitution, Newport County. Anthony Hartigan replaces Matthew Dolan.

75' Substitution, Morecambe. Brad Lyons replaces Liam McAlinden.

80' Substitution, Newport County. Nicky Maynard replaces Padraig Amond.

86' Substitution, Newport County. Kevin Ellison replaces Lewis Collins.

90' Substitution, Morecambe. John O'Sullivan replaces Aaron Wildig because of an injury.

96' Joss Labadie (Newport County) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

105' On: Kelvin Mellor|Off: Liam Gibson

107' Goal! Morecambe 1, Newport County 0. Carlos Mendes Gomes (Morecambe) converts the penalty with a right footed shot to the centre of the goal.

108' Carlos Mendes Gomes (Morecambe) is shown the yellow card for excessive celebration.

111' Substitution, Newport County. Priestley Farquharson replaces Ryan Haynes.

112' John O'Sullivan (Morecambe) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

114' Substitution, Morecambe. Alex Kenyon replaces Carlos Mendes Gomes.

120' Mickey Demetriou (Newport County) i

#FT: Chelsea 4-0 Morecambe

Chelsea scorers: Mason Mount (18'), Timo Werner (44'), Callum Hudson-Odoi (49'), Kai Havertz (85')

Venue: Stamford Bridge

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LINE-UPS

Chelsea

Kepa Arrizabalaga, Antonio Rüdiger, Kurt Zouma (Fikayo Tomori), Emerson Palmieri, César Azpilicueta, Billy Gilmour, Mason Mount (Tammy Abraham), Kai Havertz, Timo Werner (Olivier Giroud), Callum Hudson-Odoi (Faustino Anjorin), Hakim Ziyech (Christian Pulisic).

Subs: Wilfredo Caballero, Mateo Kovacic, Jorginho, Ben Chilwell.

^____________________________

Morecambe

Mark Halstead, Nathaniel Knight-Percival, Harry Davis, Stephen Hendrie (Liam Gibson), Ryan Cooney (Kelvin Mellor), Adam Phillips, Yann Songo'o, Aaron Wildig, Cole Stockton (Liam McAlinden), Carlos Mendes Gomes (Brad Lyons), Jordan Slew (John O'Sullivan).

Subs: Toumani Diagouraga, Jake Turner, Alex Kenyon, AJ Leitch-Smith.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

18' Mason Mount Goal

44' Timo Werner Goal

49' Callum Hudson-Odoi Goal

62' On: Liam Gibson|Off: Stephen Hendrie

62' On: Kelvin Mellor|Off: Ryan Cooney

62' On: John O'Sullivan|Off: Jordan Slew

68' Substitution, Chelsea. Christian Pulisic replaces Hakim Ziyech.

68' On: Olivier Giroud|Off: Timo Werner

74' On: Tammy Abraham|Off: Mason Mount

74' On: Brad Lyons|Off: Carlos Mendes Gomes

78' Liam Gibson Yellow Card

80' On: Fikayo Tomori|Off: Kurt Zouma

80' On: Faustino Anjorin|Off: Callum Hudson-Odoi

85' Kai Havertz Goal - Header

86' On: Liam McAlinden|Off: Cole Stockton

^(Don't see a thread for a match you're watching?) ^(Click here) ^(to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.)

#FT: Morecambe 1-1 Tranmere Rovers

2nd Leg - Morecambe lead 3-2 on aggregate

Morecambe scorers: Aaron Wildig (9')

Tranmere Rovers scorers: James Vaughan (53')

Venue: Mazuma Stadium

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LINE-UPS

Morecambe

Kyle Letheren, Nathaniel Knight-Percival, Sam Lavelle, Yann Songo'o, Liam Gibson, Ryan Cooney, Toumani Diagouraga, Aaron Wildig (Alex Kenyon), Carlos Mendes Gomes, Liam McAlinden (Brad Lyons), Cole Stockton.

Subs: Mark Halstead, Ben Pringle, Harry Davis, Kelvin Mellor, A-Jay Leitch-Smith.

^____________________________

Tranmere Rovers

Joe Murphy, Emmanuel Monthe, Peter Clarke, Jay Spearing, Liam Ridehalgh (Calum MacDonald), Lee O'Connor (Otis Khan), Liam Feeney, Paul Lewis, Kieron Morris (David Nugent), Corey Taylor (Kaiyne Woolery), James Vaughan.

Subs: Ali Crawford, Sid Nelson, Ben Jones.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

9' Aaron Wildig Goal

45' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. Otis Khan replaces Lee O'Connor.

45' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. David Nugent replaces Kieron Morris.

47' Emmanuel Monthe (Tranmere Rovers) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

53' Goal! Morecambe 1, Tranmere Rovers 1. James Vaughan (Tranmere Rovers) left footed shot from very close range to the bottom right corner. Assisted by David Nugent following a corner.

64' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. Kaiyne Woolery replaces Corey Blackett-Taylor.

64' On: Calum MacDonald|Off: Liam Ridehalgh

76' Ryan Cooney (Morecambe) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

81' James Vaughan (Tranmere Rovers) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

82' On: Brad Lyons|Off: Liam McAlinden

88' On: Alex Kenyon|Off: Aaron Wildig

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

Just to clarify, 12345678

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

Match Thread: Chelsea vs Morecambe | English FA Cup

#90': Chelsea 4-0 Morecambe

Chelsea scorers: Mason Mount (18'), Timo Werner (44'), Callum Hudson-Odoi (49'), Kai Havertz (85')

Venue: Stamford Bridge

Auto-refreshing reddit comments link

LINE-UPS

Chelsea

Kepa Arrizabalaga, Antonio Rüdiger, Kurt Zouma (Fikayo Tomori), Emerson Palmieri, César Azpilicueta, Billy Gilmour, Mason Mount (Tammy Abraham), Kai Havertz, Timo Werner (Olivier Giroud), Callum Hudson-Odoi (Faustino Anjorin), Hakim Ziyech (Christian Pulisic).

Subs: Wilfredo Caballero, Mateo Kovacic, Jorginho, Ben Chilwell.

^____________________________

Morecambe

Mark Halstead, Nathaniel Knight-Percival, Harry Davis, Stephen Hendrie (Liam Gibson), Ryan Cooney (Kelvin Mellor), Adam Phillips, Yann Songo'o, Aaron Wildig, Cole Stockton (Liam McAlinden), Carlos Mendes Gomes (Brad Lyons), Jordan Slew (John O'Sullivan).

Subs: Toumani Diagouraga, Jake Turner, Alex Kenyon, AJ Leitch-Smith.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

18' Mason Mount Goal

44' Timo Werner Goal

49' Callum Hudson-Odoi Goal

62' On: Liam Gibson|Off: Stephen Hendrie

62' Substitution, Morecambe. Kelvin Mellor replaces Ryan Cooney.

62' On: John O'Sullivan|Off: Jordan Slew

68' On: Christian Pulisic|Off: Hakim Ziyech

68' On: Olivier Giroud|Off: Timo Werner

74' On: Tammy Abraham|Off: Mason Mount

74' On: Brad Lyons|Off: Carlos Mendes Gomes

78' Liam Gibson Yellow Card

80' Substitution, Chelsea. Fikayo Tomori replaces Kurt Zouma.

80' On: Faustino Anjorin|Off: Callum Hudson-Odoi

85' Kai Havertz Goal - Header

86' On: Liam McAlinden|Off: Cole Stockton

^(Don't see a thread for a match you're watching?) ^(Click here) ^(to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.)

#FT: Morecambe 1-1 Tranmere Rovers

2nd Leg - Morecambe advance 3-2 on aggregate

Morecambe scorers: Aaron Wildig (9')

Tranmere Rovers scorers: James Vaughan (53')

Venue: Mazuma Stadium

Auto-refreshing reddit comments link

LINE-UPS

Morecambe

Kyle Letheren, Nathaniel Knight-Percival, Sam Lavelle, Yann Songo'o, Liam Gibson, Ryan Cooney, Toumani Diagouraga, Aaron Wildig (Alex Kenyon), Carlos Mendes Gomes, Liam McAlinden (Brad Lyons), Cole Stockton.

Subs: Mark Halstead, Ben Pringle, Harry Davis, Kelvin Mellor, A-Jay Leitch-Smith.

^____________________________

Tranmere Rovers

Joe Murphy, Emmanuel Monthe, Peter Clarke, Jay Spearing, Liam Ridehalgh (Calum MacDonald), Lee O'Connor (Otis Khan), Liam Feeney, Paul Lewis, Kieron Morris (David Nugent), Corey Taylor (Kaiyne Woolery), James Vaughan.

Subs: Ali Crawford, Sid Nelson, Ben Jones.

MATCH EVENTS | via ESPN

9' Goal! Morecambe 1, Tranmere Rovers 0. Aaron Wildig (Morecambe) right footed shot from the centre of the box to the bottom left corner. Assisted by Liam McAlinden.

45' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. Otis Khan replaces Lee O'Connor.

45' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. David Nugent replaces Kieron Morris.

47' Emmanuel Monthe (Tranmere Rovers) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

53' James Vaughan Goal

64' Substitution, Tranmere Rovers. Kaiyne Woolery replaces Corey Blackett-Taylor.

64' On: Calum MacDonald|Off: Liam Ridehalgh

76' Ryan Cooney (Morecambe) is shown the yellow card for a bad foul.

81' James Vaughan Yellow Card

82' On: Brad Lyons|Off: Liam McAlinden

88' Substitution, Morecambe. Alex Kenyon replaces Aaron Wildig.

^(Don't see a thread for a match you're watching?) ^(Click here) ^(to learn how to request a match thread from this bot.)