A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My son is involved in the school music program...

I told him i offered his director some assistance. They said yes.

Now I get to be a band-aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yellow_Odd_Fellow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Idk why The Police are being hated on sooo much.

I mean they have their problems, but I still think that they are a great band!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmenseDruid721
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I love the latest album by The Quilts.

They’re my favorite cover band.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Dad picked up some cadmium, osmium, and lead

*Dad is hammering around in the garage*

Son: Whatcha doing?

Dad: I'm thinking about playing in heavy metal band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What makes music on your head?

A head band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?

Because of his contra band...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I want to post a Tik Tok video of me playing my guitar but...

... I'd probably be band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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I just saw a concert at my favorite auto shop.

They're a pretty good garage band.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I’m not into Metal Bands....

...just into Rubber Bands!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I made a band and I knew it wouldnt go anywhere

I called it a band in hope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toeteba
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I recently found out that in most schools nowadays ...

Brass instruments are band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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I was once in a band called 999 megabytes.

We could never quite get a gig.

Edit: I was aware that it's 1024 Meg to a gig, but "a band called 1023 megabytes" doesn't have the same ring to it. Also doesn't getting the IT wrong make it more dad like?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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i was in a band once

the producer said that we needed to have a symbol for our band. i said sir if we dont have a cymbal how have we been playing the drums?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brohemianrasputin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Europe = You’re up

I was listening to music with my dad recently and we were taking turns playing songs. I played the song β€œtime has come” by the band Europe, from the hot rod soundtrack (Hilarious movie btw). I pointed to my phone and said β€œEurope!”. My dad yelled β€œI’m up? Alright!” And started looking for the next song to play. I was like β€œNo! EUROPE” and he was like β€œI KNOW, IM UP” and proceeded to play the next song. Afterward he said he was just fucking with me. A true dad moment. Thought you guys might appreciate.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Donald Trump May be a bellend but I agree with defunding the WHO

Shit band anyway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukedukestar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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What musical group do men join once they get married?

The Hus Band!

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πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Metal Music Joke

What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?

Nine-Inch Nails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Knock, knock ....

"Who's there?"

The WHO.

"The band?"

Nope.

"Shit!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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The best pun I ever made, true story:

I had recently joined a band as their bassist, whose previous bassist was very punny and also had a long beard like me.

I had made some unmemorable pun, and the guitarist said, "Goddamn it, puns must be related to beards."

I said, "With great length comes greatest pun ability."

Swear to god this is true. Only two people witnessed it. I want you all to be my witnesses.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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what do you call an orchestra on drugs?

contra-band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibur039
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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My friends and I started a band called Duvet !

It's a cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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I have been diagnosed with a very specific type of Amnesia.

It causes me to deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no Cure!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Superb Owl

Can’t believe the sky high prices for tickets to see a band at the Hard Rock stadium this weekend! Anyone heard of the β€œSuperb Owl”? Can’t find them on Spotify.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerospan01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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The members of my favorite rock band all have leprosy

Their band is called Def Leper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Augerbine_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I saw a quintet of starfish at the bar last night.

Pretty good band, five stars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jewsafrewski
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Four women...

...who work together in a French restaurant, making sauces, decided to form a 90s tribute band. They're calling it Bernaise Ladies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Turkey Riddles

Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?

A: The outside!

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

A: Because he had the drumsticks

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted?

A: Boy! I’m stuffed!

Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

A: The turKEY

(source: http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/turkey-riddles/)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Our band

I used to be in a band, we were called β€˜Lost dog’.

You’ve probably seen our posters...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadywacker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Did you know about the drummer of that successful band?

He was instrumental for the band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimda4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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My wife told me to take the wasp out instead of killing it.

We had some drinks, nice guy, wants to be in a heavy metal-band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zebjez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…

"A rock and roll band!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Dad: I started a band, we're called the Geologists.

Because we're a rock band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdinchicago
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Terrible OC Joke

What does the band C&C Music Factory and Ancient Aliens have in common?

Things that make you go Hmmmm... .. . ... . . .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddsned
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Why is music round?

Because otherwise it would b flat.

Compliments of my 6th graders band instructor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wholeangelada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Has anyone here lost a bundle of twenty dollar bills?

Because we found the rubber band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/novaerbenn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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My dad said he's going to a concert.

Me: Hey dad, where are you off to?

Dad: I'm heading out to a Korean boy-band show.

Me: KPOP?!

Dad: Yes, I'm fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaveTheNature
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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I eat a lot of salt, but the WHO suggests consuming 2,000 mg of sodium daily.

I don't know what a band knows about health, but I take it with a grain of salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berriobvious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Had to share this absolute bomb my husband dropped earlier.

Our 11 year old is attending a debate camp and at the dinner table she was telling us about her day. We decided she would have a mock debate against my husband the following day so she could show us a bit of what she's learned. We talk about possible topics and we land on "Should school officials or other adults be allowed to ban certain books from school." We talk a little more on the topic of banned books and my husband perks up and says "I think banned books should be allowed because without them, there would be no music." Then he gets this massive grin and my daughter and I are so confused.. it takes a moment for us to realize he's talking about BAND books .. there would be no music .. I had to give it to him, that was heavenly. Our daughters eyes rolled out of her head but we were all laughing. Great job, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jennyy1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Who played for the the Wallabies and the Kangaroos in the same year?

The army band.

(Full credit to the elderly gentleman who approached me at the bus stop and shared this beauty).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Got my son on this one yesterday. He was listening to imagine dragons.

Me: Do they ever play this band on the radio? son: of course its imagine dragons. me: so they are active on the radio? son: looks at me for a second, oh jeez me: so they are radio-active!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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I went to a concert last night and the musicians were bouncing around the stage like crazy.

Turns out they were an elastic band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrnate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I saw Barenaked ladies in a concert back in the 90's.

I don't remember what band was playing though.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Daddy Band

I'm starting a band and we're calling it the 999 Megabytes... We're hoping to get a gig soon...

Heard it from a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scott_IUsed2Know
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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Old Robinhood

In a village just outside Sherwood Forest lived Old Robinhood, he had lived a very exciting life with his band of merry men, and his cause of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and had a fantastic time doing it. He even had a sign outside his door that said, Robinhood, Bandit - but somehow the law never seemed to have noticed and he had lived in plain sight, doing good deeds, giving away money anonymously and living for the cause.

But now age had started to catch up and not being as nimble as he once was close escapes had started to get uncomfortably close. So he decided to retire and hand over the leadership of his band to his son.

So, Robin called his son over to him and said, β€˜Son, I want you to take over from me as leader of the merry men. Steal and pillage all you want, but never forget the cause - we only take from the rich to give to the poor’.

β€˜Father, I will do as you say’ said Robin’s son whose name was Robinson, β€˜but tell me one thing, why do you stay anonymous when giving money away?

Why not let people know of your good deeds - you have a sign outside that says bandit and you’ve never been caught, why not add the cause to the sign and say β€˜Robinhood, Bandit, steals from the rich to give to the poor’?

β€˜Fool, screamed Robin, if you put the cause over the sign then you will get caught’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakapuka11
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Why do speed metal groups stand so far apart from each other on stage?

Because speed is limited by band width

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acnine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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[Request] Cone-Based Band Names

I'm looking for band names that involve the word cone (specifically traffic cones). A few examples I have come up with are "The Rolling Cones," "Earth Wind and Cone," and "The Conas Brothers." I'm sure there are lots of good ones that I'm not thinking of.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devosity28
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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How would you cut a tuba in half?

With a band saw!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/olivewitharhyme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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You need an IQ of 200 to get this computer pun.

A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.

This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.

Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<

Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatNoodles1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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How long will it take for Rammstein's new album to be released?

'Till Lindemann has finished the lyrics.

Explanation: Till Lindemann is the vocalist of the band, they usually have lyrics in their songs so they will have to be finished to be included in the album.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toofgib
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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I recently met a musical group of pirates.

They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Narwhalholic
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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[Request] Tubas and Classic Rock

Every year for the past few years, I’ve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last year’s music was titled β€œTubaChristmas in July,” which had β€œHallelujah” by Pentatonix, β€œCarol of the Bells,” β€œYou’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” and β€œHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.” This year I’m about 90% sure we’re doing rock/classic rock. So far I have β€œBohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, β€œPaint It, Black” by The Rolling Stones, β€œLivin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, β€œDon’t Stop Believin’” by Journey, and some fifth song I haven’t chosen yet (BTW I’m open to song ideas).

I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesn’t include song names, but you know it’s Christmas music on tubas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Leo_1110
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Have you heard of the benefit concert to help starving musicians?

They're calling it Band-Aid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rcflier500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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If Elastigirl formed a musical group

Would it be a rubber band?

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michifan101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Want do you call a group of people singing about condoms

A Rubber Band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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I Introduced A Friend to the band "Journey"

I told her that this band would take her on a trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nihiley_face
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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I couldn’t get into my group music lesson today

I found out I was band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Topasappa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...

Me:

> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.

She replied:

> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.

Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rand486
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and Ringo Starr all cancel NC shows over the anti-LGBT law.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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My dad got me after my band/orchestra concert last night

important, my family speaks Spanish

After my school's Christmas concert, I went out to eat with my family. They were asking me about some people who were announced for having made it into the All-State Band and Orchestra, one of which was a string bass player (contrabajo in Spanish).

I told them: "Si... Ella toca contrabajo. (Yes... She plays string bass.)"

And my dad replies: "ΒΏPues si toca con trabajo, porque la aceptaron? (Well if she plays with difficulty, why did they accept her?)"

TL;DR: Contrabajo = string bass, con trabajo = with difficulty

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROTCnaziBandgeek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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A Sheppard came home from a long day tending his flock.

As soon as he comes through the door his wife excitedly tells him "Henry! You would never believe it! The sheep have formed a Jazz band! Isn't that great?!"

Henry, annoyed, replies "I know Mary, I fucking heard them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmacker14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Dad joked the waitress

Waitress is taking our order.

Dad: I'd like a rubber band sandwich. And make it snappy.

πŸ‘︎ 698
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greggersraymer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
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Calendar Days That Are Puns!

Days That Are Puns

1/23 - January 23rd reads like 123
3/10 - Mar10 Day - Nintendo's Mario Day
3/11 - There's an awesome band called 311
3/14 - 3.14 is the first few digits of Pi AKA Pi Day
5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." AKA Star Wars Day
7/11 - Free Slurpee Day at 7 Eleven stores
9/11 - No intention of being offensive with this one. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States
10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that"
10/23 - National Mole Day (Avogrado's number) 6.02 x 10^23

Please mention any I missed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wintercool612
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2017
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There’s a little known tribe in Africa called the Wuntu Wuntu...

They set up equipment for rock bands...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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A priest was trying to liven up his church

So he invited a band to come in and play a few songs to get the church goers more excited to be there. On the bands first song the entire crowd of people turned around at the exact same time. A little boy asked his father "Daddy, what was that?" The boys dad responded "Well son, that was one direct shun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brhender
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I went to Lollapalooza....

I went to Lollapalooza last year, and there was an incident. I got into a fight with two of the biggest bands at the fest, and they were really kicking my butt. Fortunately, a few Kurdish doctors intervened and saved my life.

I guess it's true what they say: Styx and The Stones may break my bones, but Kurds will never hurt me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saith_Cassus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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Drugstores across the nation are reporting a shortage of plasters for cuts and grazes.

Manufacturers are determined to find a band-aid solution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marty085
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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Did you hear about the music group that is consisted entirely of members who are HIV positive?

They call themselves The Band-Aids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_Kid_CoDi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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What's your favorite song from Tesla/Edison!

Tesla/Edison is that a band? -Yeah AC/DC

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Pappa

Once they have finished mating, the mother roach tries to find a safe place to lay her eggs while the pappa roach tries to support his new family by starting an alt/rock band.

This wasn't his first career choice, but it is his last resort.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSmitty0754
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I bought some adhesive bandages in Canada.

I got some Band-"eh"ds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kellyjandrews
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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My girlfriend was telling me she caught a drum stick from her favorite drummer the other night.

I'm not sure why bands are throwing chicken at people nowadays, but I guess at least fans won't go hungry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mblondey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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Shitty Band Names

Can you guys come up with toilet-based puns for musicians/band names? Like Poo Fighters, Turdy Seconds from Mars, sTool, Pee Diddy, Our Lady Piss, Fart Minor, Michael PooplΓ©. That's all I have for now :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellynmeh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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There are a bunch of blankets playing 90s music

They're a cover band

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buvet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
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My dad's joke right before I left for a Placebo concert...

Dad: What band are you seeing?

Me: Placebo

Dad: ...but how do you know they're the real thing?

I did laugh though, admittedly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plastic_grapes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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What do you call a musical ensemble of thieves?

A robber band.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuenaPisteada
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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Dad joking my bandmates...

I always bring a can of tuna to my band practices because anytime someone in my band asks for a tuner, I take the can out and say "This is what you asked for, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickerofElves123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
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[REQUEST] Help me name my TV show.

I'm in the process of getting a show on the local public access channel started. It's going to be a weekly recording studio session that showcases local bands. Most of the paperwork is done, I just need a snappy title. The best I can come up with is "The Here Canal," but I think /r/puns can do better!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wkuechen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2013
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What do rabbits use to keep their fur in place?

Hare bands

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumboltQuadrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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My Dad *finally* Dad Joked me! I'm so happy.

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poodleflange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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Who healed the guitarist's scrape?

The band aid.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Largedump
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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My friends and I have named our band β€œDuvet”

It’s a cover band

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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What do you call condoms playing music with each other?

a rubber band!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangenuity
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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