My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."
Amazon just released an oil defuser that works like Alexa but 100% controlled with your mind!!
It makes scents when you think about it..
I have an OC who’s a greek satyr except instead of being like a goat he’s like a donkey. It somehow only just occurred to me that he’s literally half-ass!
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age.
The next day she locked me in the cellar.
I told my son that he's just like my recliner...
He's a real lazy boy
A guy just told me that my wife and my daughter look like sisters.
I told him, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
The guy in front of me in the supermarket was just told they were out of breathmints. He did not like that.
He went menthol!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
My friend said that he made a voodoo doll that looks just like me..
I think he's pulling my leg..
Saying the wealthy sit in their ivory towers is really just saying that the rich like Tuskeny-inspired architecture
Someone just complimented my wife and told her that she and our daughter looked like twins.
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
I just started a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof!
Wife: It's amazing how those woodpeckers can just cling to the tree like that.
Me: Yeah they must be very talonted.
I just got a haircut that I didn’t like. My hair seemed too short....
But eventually it grew on me
My wife just told me that you can strain curdled milk, then use the resulting liquid as a food additive! I was like, "no way!"
She said, "whey!"
I've just heard that the Japanese have made ice cream that tastes like instant noodles...
They're calling it ramen raisin.
Can't believe someone would just throw away their life like that... imgur.com/hQt9Vgw
My friend Rhee died, but I've convinced myself that he's just gone far away. I don't like to talk about it, so when someone asks me I just say...
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dad got a comment that his longer hair made him look like Ben Franklin. so he grew it out a full year just to do this for halloween... imgur.com/UdCUb85
