Up again in the middle of the night (alone). After going to bed again (alone). Always alone.
I was scanning YouTube and I ran across stories about marriages where one partner is a Intimacy Anorexic. So the other partner never gets affection, attention, sex, appreciation. Just a room mate type of arrangement.
What do you guys think about this. Has anybody heard of it?
Other than splitting up is there any solution?
For me it has gotten bad in the past 2 years of my relationship, most times, I can't get hard for her and when I do it goes soft.
I can easily get it hard when we break up and get back together after a couple of months or with other women.
My body is terrified of having sexual intimacy with her.
Do any of you deal or have dealt with this issue?
What does Intimacy Anorexia look like? Here's what happens when an Intimacy Anorexic acts in:
- Busy: staying so busy that you have no relational time for your partner.
- Blame: making it about your partner instead of owning your issues.
- Love: withholding love for your partner.
- Praise: withholding praise from your partner.
- Sex: withholding sex from your partner.
- Spiritually: withholding spiritually from your partner.
- Feelings: unwillingness or inability to discuss feelings with your partner.
- Criticism: ongoing or ungrounded criticism causing isolation.
- Anger/Silence: controlling by anger or silence.
- Money: controlling or shaming partner with money issues.
If you have four or more of these characteristics Intimacy Anorexia may be an issue for you or your spouse.
What Causes Intimacy Anorexia?
CAUSE #1 - SEXUAL TRAUMA
Sexual trauma is at the root of many addiction and mental disorders. It is one’s sexuality being ravaged, shamed and damaged by strangers, friends, or family members. Whether it is one time or hundreds of times by one or more person(s), it creates pain for the victim. This pain will have to be addressed by the soul in some manner.
There are things that were held true by the victim before the trauma such as: the world is a safe place, people are safe, and I can trust. These beliefs about the world, others and trust are shattered when someone is sexually abused. The survivor of trauma has to create a world view that now it’s their experience. These traumas often happen early in the development of the victim of sexual trauma. They occur early enough in the development of the victim that they often do not yet possess abstract reasoning. This is the reason that the victim will often blame themselves, or at least believe that they are fatally flawed, because of the event.
It’s here, where decisions and agreements with your own heart and its safety, have to be made. The intimacy anorexic, as a result of trauma, can clearly make the decision that they are not safe, and their heart and body are not safe. The decision to not allow that pain to happen again, e.g., no risk, no vulnerability, are actually normal and age appropriate decisions to survive such a vicious trauma.
CAUSE #2 - ATTACHMENT ISSUES WITH OPPOSITE-GENDER PARENT
The first pattern that I’ve heard regularly communicated is that the opposite gender parent is not safe. This parent may shame, tell their child’s confidences to others, be unpredictabl
... keep reading on reddit ➡In my current and previous relationship, I have developed intimacy anorexia.
In my previous relationship it happened well into the relationship after I started acting out.
In my current relationship it happened after the honeymoon period, about a year in and got worse progressively.
I pretty much can't get turned on for my partner, even though I rationally find her gorgeous it just doesn't work.
It works for other women as when I fantasize or when we have broken up and I have been with other girls. It works with pmo and with other compulsive behaviours.
It's not that I withhold intimacy from her because I like to cuddle and hug and share my past with her. I complement her and apologize for my shortcomings.
Just wondering if anybody has been through the same and has been able to improve things.
We're going to a sex therapist. Buy we're stagnant. There is still no sex. I'm 39 (F) and he's 32. No one believes me when I say how old I am. I'm attractive. But he says that part of him is just dead and he doesn't enjoy it. He said the desire to enjoy sex is still there but at the same time he just doesn't. I cry myself to sleep every night. No affection, no touch, no cherishing me. I'm so sad. Everything I read is written around validating my feelings but no one talks about what I can actually do to help with positive changes and how I should be approaching the matter. Any suggestions? I really need help. My prayers don't work anymore.
Hi everyone, been in a dead bedroom for several years now, not just that but no intimacy at all either. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do for years now, what am I doing wrong. Is there something wrong with me or her, is she cheating on me, I’ve even gone on these affair links on Reddit just out of curiosity.
I’m so glad to have found this group, reading other people’s story’s, seeing that I’m not alone out here. A lot of us out lost and don’t know what to do. I may have finally found my answer. I stumbled upon this term intimacy anorexia. Google it, opened my eyes big time, it completely makes sense. This may be what a lot of you are going through, I’m pretty sure I am.
If anyone has experience in this, please would love advice on what to do.
Hey guys It's our 19th Anniversary today, Went to a light dinner, came home, watched a warm fuzzy movie in bed and then she offer to "do something?" That's how sex is referred to usually, you want to do something.. like that. Okay, were in bed, she comes with her usual sweatshirt outfit. I'm naked under the sheets and i tell her to come to my side, and 2x she ok not kind of brings her head to the bed but not the body, like she's afraid to be completely on top of me, she was practically perpendicular, I'm trying to kiss her and she's moving her face side to side not staying in the middle, no heat whatsoever.. lubed up and i assist getting inside her bc(I'm not allowed to touch her vagina, she either skillfully lies over me and slips in or i guide myself in carefully and if I nip that mysterious clit I've never seen in 19 years I get hell) So shes in and she says, you know I don't like when you move and don't go in and out and are you finished yet? So.. wtf is a her problem? This is not new btw it's been ongoing for 19 years but I recently learned the term intimacy anorexia and was wondering if anyone else has been able to diagnose and fix such situations. Btw, this is not the only part of our relationship thats rocky. Nearly all other areas of our life together are a mess. I know everything is connected. We talk about just learning to be friends but honestly I wouldn't pick this woman to be my friend today knowing what I know. We have 4 kids together so bailing isn't simple. Plus I take 50% responsibility for the situation were in. I've recognized bad patterns 9ver quarantine I'm actively working on. Issue is wife hold tremendous contempt for all past mistakes and doesn't seem to let it go. All my sins are held up everytime I try to move past them. On top 9f all this, I'm legally blind bc of a genetic disalease which is progressive. I'm learning to use a cane now even though u have good central vision stilll Tg! Going through this transition in my life without true love sensitivity and support is a billion times harder. Skin is broken out all over, developed ecsema as well... Apologies for this long post, just expressing. Bless you all, sweet healthy new year. Tx in advance for your support! Blessings!
For those of you covert incest survivors who experience sexual/intimacy anorexia towards your spouse/partner, what are some of your reasons, thoughts, feelings for this behavior and when in the relationship did it begin? I'm a partner of CI survivor. He did not begin withholding sex until he moved in with me year 3 of 5. Before that, we spent every weekend together and were very intimate. I believe he also has porn addiction, probably used during the week when we were apart. Now I think he's using at home and work. I also feel he sees me as his mother. Btw, he only moved in because father wanted him out of house, thought he was too close with mother. TIA for the insight!
Partner of covert incest survivor, he has porn addiction and sexual/intimacy anorexia. Is this common behavior for covert incest survivors?
Also, he read Kenneth Adams book, finally left mother, moved in with me. But I feel like he knows he can run back to her. Also ironically with very little sex, we're expecting baby. I sense mom would be happy to have him back and help him raise baby. Kind of crazy but they could be a family of 3.
I discovered this term when researching porn addiction. Look up intimacy anorexia characteristics. Doug Weiss has books on the subject. Heart to Heart counseling center in Colorado springs offers counseling for this. Intimacy anorexia is side effect of sex addiction. Also attachment issues, covert/emotional incest and AVPD. S-ANON and COSA support groups helpful. Movies: Thanks for Sharing and Don Jon. Hope this helps. I'm an LPC going through this. Books: Attached by Levine and Heller
There are many reasons for deadbedrooms. Could this be one of them?
I’m fairly new to the subject. For years I have suffered and put partners through hell because of what’s know as intimacy anorexia or sexual aversion. There are a few books in which I will be reading but before I do I wanted to reach out and see if anyone from the “withholding side” of IA has any advice or opinions on the matter. Although I’m glad to put a name to it and that there are others out there, I’m only feeling more guilty. I’m a 28yo m in a relationship just over a year and unfortunately I have been refusing sex due to what I can only describe as extreme anxiety/emotional distress. I have been vocal about my findings with my partner and vocal about my distress even before I found information about IA. it’s extremely difficult for my partner to understand and like most others I have read about is feeling lonely, unwanted, and sexually frustrated amongst other things. I have so many questions I’m sure the best thing would be to seek therapy. I’m curious if this is relative to this group and if so has anyone beat it? Can an early relationship get through it or maybe it’s best to end the relationship for the sake of the other person? Any advice or comments welcome as long as constructive.
A second and very common strategy for intimacy anorexia is to intentionally create distance and pain for their spouse by what I call “read their mind.”
The intimacy anorexic wants to live in a reality where they are always good. To do that, the spouse of the intimacy anorexic has to be the bad person, according to intimacy anorexic’s reality. Let’s suppose that the intimacy anorexic (IA) has a reasonably decent spouse (which by the way is relatively common). The spouse is being decent and even kind and thoughtful, thinking they are feeling close and that there is the possibility that intimacy or even sex could occur. Remember that intimacy (emotionally, spiritually, or sexually) is what the intimacy anorexic is trying to avoid. What does an IA do when intimacy is happening spontaneously? The IA reads their spouse’s mind.
That’s right, most IA’s have secret superhero powers to read minds. Interestingly enough, this super power only works with their spouse, and it can only read negative thoughts or intentions, even if they are not there in reality. I call this the “intimacy anorexia fantasy.”
They create only the worst fantasies about their spouse such as:
“They are only being nice because they want sex.”
“They are buttering me up for money or to manipulate me.”
“This is a scam.”
“I don’t trust them; they’re going to hurt me.”
“This is really about my spouse to feel good about themselves; they
don’t care about me.”
The negative list goes on for eternity. Now, again, there is no reality to this thinking.
The IA needs to be rescued from potential intimacy. The “I can read your mind” strategy comes to the rescue. Now, because they believe their spouse is bad, negative, critical or up to something (and this is important to understand), they can justify withholding and punishing them or pushing them away by implementing any intimacy anorexia characteristic.
This is important because now they can put their spouse intentionally in pain and yet be completely justified, even though what they are doing is intentionally creating pain for their spouse. The “read your mind” strategy is as crazy making as it gets for the spouse. The intimacy anorexic creates a negative reality that’s not true and becomes judge, jury, and executioner of their spouse’s sins.
If you have done this or lived through this repeatedly, I do understand. Addiction is not fun for anyone.
Starving the dog is a major intimacy anorexic strategy that I have seen in nearly all marriages where one or both have intimacy anorexia.
I love dogs, and I think dogs are great (sorry, I’m allergic to cats). It is fairly simple if you want to raise a nice dog within a family. You feed the puppy consistently, you pet, play and talk to the dog, and the dog will make a nice pet for almost any family.
Not every family or business wants a nice dog. Some want a mean dog to protect a property. So, if you want a mean dog, you take a perfectly good and nice puppy, and you starve It. I don’t mean you don’t feed it. Maybe you feed it irregularly, but you never talk to the dog and you don’t touch it. That dog will become a mean dog. Regardless of how nice the dog was as a puppy, over time, because its needs were not being met, this intentional deprivation has a predictable outcome of altering the dog. The dog becomes mean, unapproachable, and altered. The on-looker of this dog thinks, “Wow, what a mean dog.” The perceptive onlooker might think, “Wow, a cruel and intentionally mean owner has created that dog.”
Intimacy anorexics intentionally put their spouse in deprivation for years or decades. They ignore the emotional, spiritual and/or the three dimensional sexual needs of their spouse. They intentionally withhold love, praise, and sex, and then blame their spouse and use anger or silence to push them away. This intentional pain given to the spouse significantly impacts and alters him/her over time.
Because of this deprivation, the spouse acts angry, depressed, critical, and/or has lower self- esteem, etc. The anorexic then focuses on their spouse’s reactions to the withholding and often seeks pity because of the person they live with, thus playing the victim instead of owning that they are the perpetrator of the pain causing this altered spouse.
If you are in a marriage where one or both of you are intimacy anorexic, then you have lived through this scenario countless times. I hope this helps you make sense of this intentional strategy, where the anorexic makes the spouse look crazy. If you both have intimacy anorexia, then the game is really interesting as you both sabotage each other with “starve the dog.”
a guy that i'm friends with said he likes me more than a friend... and I just said "it would never work out."
I dont want to have someone else leave because of this. I know it sounds dumb but i really feel like relationships won't work for me because of this :/
I (29M) used to have quite an unhealthy relationship with sex from my early 20s until about now. I've been in a couple relationships but everytime one of them ended, I would struggle with the break up and find comfort in casual sex with strangers (mainly through dating apps). This eventually got out of hands as I would sleep with someone different pretty much every 3 days, it's what made me feel like I was in control of at least one aspect in my life as I would struggle with every other aspect in my life (work stress, smoking too much weed, issues with friends etc.). I found comfort in one night stands but would always feel even more emotionally unstable the morning after. I eventually realised I might have a sex addiction.
6 months ago I moved countries as I needed to change my environment to emotionally fix myself and it worked. The issue is that in those 6 months I met a couple people that I really liked but I couldn't bring myself to have sex with them, I block. I feel it would be much easier sleeping with a stranger who I don't feel connected to, but when it comes to someone I develop feelings for, I do want to but also, something holds me back. I'm scared that I will never be able to unblock that side of things as I do want a healthy romantic/sexual relationship with someone.
So really, my question is, how do I fix that ?
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
hi all--
so ive been a many-time frequenter of this sub, i've posted then and again about how I was "going to lose weight"...
and I did it. In march I hit my lowest weight of 131 lbs, but to do it I developed anorexia and bulimia. For the past 9 months, I've been recovering mentally, and working on getting myself to a better mindset.
Truth be told, I am just exhausted. I am so tired of university and people around me dying, and feeling bad in my body.
In recovery I gained 22 pounds, putting me at 152-3 ish right now (f/5'8). Despite feeling exhausted, I think I'm finally in the headspace to lose weight safely and healthily, and to develop a relationship with food and exercise I am proud of.
It's a new year, and I would love to get down to about 135 ultimately, but as of right now, 140 is my goal. Then again, the number doesn't really matter, its more about feeling. I am not going to pressure myself to put a set date on it, but will do weekly check ins on both my physical and mental well-being.
I'm going to be candid, and that may involve talking about the intimacies of my mental health in eating disorder recovery, but will try to do it in a non-triggering way.
Its a new year, and unlike last year, its not about "getting my dream body", but about creating a lifestyle and mental state of wellbeing which I find sustainable and healthy, including moving my body and nourishing it well.
Hello!
So I [32 M] am currently dealing with a "breakup" of my diagnosed exGF, and there is such a big mess in my head.
We got together two years ago. For me she was the greatest gift i had received in many, many years and i everything i have been searching for all my life. Yet, after only a few weeks I had the feeling that i am actually not her number 1 choice and that she still has extreme feelings for her ex, who had ended the relationship with her half a year prior to us meeting. But i think we both felt that we fit together very well. I met her on tinder when i was visting my parents and she was in town for a job interview. She got the job, and since i was finishing my last exams at university only my master's thesis was left to do. i decided that this person was so important to me and such a big chance of a fullfilled life that i didn't want to risk it by having long distant relationship. Since Corona started around that time as well, and everybody was afraid I decided to move back to my parents into my small childhood room.
There it already started, that I felt the constant need and wish to always care for her and give her support because she was sad a lot, afraid of the new work, always felt empty inside and lonely. I also wanted to help her out of her anorexia/ bulimia (She is relatively stable but its still a nightmare for her to eat normally and be above 52 kg, with also using her finger in times it gets worse). Things I can very well relate to from my history with depression and general anxiety (Not the eating disorder and cutting though, just the loneliness). Realizing now, I always felt like making her happy was the most important thing, so we can find peace and a stable, happy future together.
Half a year later while working on her laptop one night, I coincidentally saw that her most used folder was named after her ex. Since I was already hypersensitive to that because I always had this gut feeling, I looked into it and saw screenshots of her texting him a month prior (so 5 months into our relationship), that she misses him, and that I would be very great, but that it would be not the same as with him and not real love. She even wrought him a poem about what she loves about him, and wants to do with him. I sent her the screenshots the next day, and she was very shocked and immediatly insisted that she likes me so much, and that she just cant get over him because she can't live with him abandoning her and not the other way around, and
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Buenosdillas
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Hey friends. I've been looking for some peer-to-peer trauma recovery resources that are accessible to poor folks, and ended up here. I'm on a bunch of waitlists for therapy, and in the meantime I'm just kind of on my own. My mental health has been not-so-great lately, and one of the things I've been struggling with the most is feeling like I just don't have anywhere to talk about what happened to me. I'm afraid to share with my friends or loved ones because I know that my story is difficult and could hurt them/ cause compassion fatigue. So here I am.
My story starts young, it's long, it's ugly, and it's kind of nuts. Honestly it's the kind of story that I would consider "too much" or "overkill" if I read it in a book. The scope of it is just bewildering. I won't write any graphic descriptions of events, of course, but please heed the TWs, and don't read this as a way to hurt yourself. Take breaks, or stop if you need to. Please be good to yourself. And if there are any TWs I should add to this, please let me know and I'll do that.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for, really. Maybe validation? I don't know. There's just so much of it that I don't know what to do with myself. I only just recently got away from my last abuser, and had this moment of startling clarity where I realized I've been in a self-protective state of autopilot for like... most of my life. It's like when you're really drunk inside a bar, like a little uncomfortably drunk, and then you step outside and the air is really clean and cold and quiet and you kind of come to earth all at once. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Here's the basics of who I am: I'm 24, transmasc, queer, unemployed since the global panini, and I have chronic pain that limits my mobility.
Anyway here goes I guess????
Both my parents were addicts, both profoundly mentally ill. Mom has depression and anxiety, and her own trauma issues. Dad is schizophrenic. Both are alcoholics and abused painkillers, but Dad also did some more serious drugs. I was kind of fucked from day one. I will say, Mom is now 6 years clean and sober. I don't know where my Dad is really, but he was also clean and sober last I heard. But I didn't exactly win the hereditary mental health lottery, if you catch my drift.
Mom got sober for the first time when she found out she was pregnant. She started nursing school. Raised me pretty much solo, but Dad would show up every once in awhile and sometimes "babysat." But at one point, when I was a li
... keep reading on reddit ➡CAUSE #1 - SEXUAL TRAUMA
Sexual trauma is at the root of many addiction and mental disorders. It is one’s sexuality being ravaged, shamed and damaged by strangers, friends, or family members. Whether it is one time or hundreds of times by one or more person(s), it creates pain for the victim. This pain will have to be addressed by the soul in some manner.
There are things that were held true by the victim before the trauma such as: the world is a safe place, people are safe, and I can trust. These beliefs about the world, others and trust are shattered when someone is sexually abused. The survivor of trauma has to create a world view that now it’s their experience. These traumas often happen early in the development of the victim of sexual trauma. They occur early enough in the development of the victim that they often do not yet possess abstract reasoning. This is the reason that the victim will often blame themselves, or at least believe that they are fatally flawed, because of the event.
It’s here, where decisions and agreements with your own heart and its safety, have to be made. The intimacy anorexic, as a result of trauma, can clearly make the decision that they are not safe, and their heart and body are not safe. The decision to not allow that pain to happen again, e.g., no risk, no vulnerability, are actually normal and age appropriate decisions to survive such a vicious trauma.
CAUSE #2 - ATTACHMENT ISSUES WITH OPPOSITE-GENDER PARENT
The first pattern that I’ve heard regularly communicated is that the opposite gender parent is not safe. This parent may shame, tell their child’s confidences to others, be unpredictably moody, angry, drunk, or mentally ill in some way. The young soul can’t predict safety at any time with this parent. Over a period of time, they conclude that their heart is not safe in this relationship with their opposite gender parent. Remember that these experiences are happening early in a child’s life. It is really not a far leap to say to yourself at this age that you’ll never trust a person (gender) like that again.
The second type of opposite gender parent experienced by an anorexic is the distant and emotionally unavailable parent. They might have been home every night and drove you to band practice, but there was no intimacy, no relating, and you were rarely heard and/or normally felt unknown by this parent.
The last pattern I see with the opposite gender parent is total abandonment. Abandonment might n
... keep reading on reddit ➡In this world of intimacy anorexia, there are friends to meet. Each friend plays a contributing role to keeping the intimacy anorexia structure intact. These friends play a supportive role to the intimacy anorexic. This would be much like an alcoholic having drinking buddies or the shopaholic having shopping buddies. Addicts, like most people, like to have support for their activities. Unlike other addictions where the addict’s “buddies” are real people, the intimacy anorexic’s buddies are quite different.
"The victim" is probably the most common friend of the anorexic. I have seen this buddy over and over with many intimacy anorexics. The victim tells the anorexic how they are the victim of their spouse. The victim turns almost any conflict or circumstance and spins it (amazingly quickly) on how they are the victim. This victim is almost a reflexive response, so the speed of this buddy is lightning fast. The anorexic’s spouse can walk away thinking they really were the problem, having accepted the blame repeatedly.
The intimacy anorexic intentionally starves the spouse. The spouse is legitimately angry or critical of this neglect and pain, but the victim says, “you’re being abused by your spouse; he or she disrespects you, and doesn’t appreciate you.” Now, the anorexic, who is actually the perpetrator, gets to believe and behave as the victim.
Have you ever seen “the victim” show up in your relationship?
Unlike the more public addictions of drugs, alcohol or sex, Intimacy Anorexia can fly under the radar until it is detected, usually by the spouse. The snap, go-to defense is, “I don’t have an addiction, my spouse does.” “I’m not sick, they are” is a classic denial defense mechanism.
What Are the Qualifiers for Addiction?
These would apply if you were an alcholic, a shopaholic, or an Intimacy Anorexic. See if these apply to the Intimacy Anorexic in your marriage.
Efforts to Stop. The addict has come to a place, whether internally or externally, to get motivated, to apply effort, or to try to stop an addictive behavior. This is a moment of clarity for the addict when they realize that what they are doing isn’t working anymore, and they begin to make some effort to stop the addictive behavior.
For the intimacy anorexic, after such an event, there is some effort to love and connect to show that he or she can change. The effort is real and might even be sustained for days or weeks. Inevitably, though, failure of the sustained closeness or connectedness occurs. Invariably, the same withholding behavior occurs again, and the withholding behavior is fully in place until the next bottom moment.
Read My Lips. Promises are made to others, and are not kept. The addictive behavior continues days, weeks, or months later. Hence, there is a promise, sometimes sincere, to stop a behavior; however, the promise is void, because the addiction behavior repeats.
For the intimacy anorexic, the internal promises sound like, “I really need to try.” “I’m not going to do that anymore.” “I’m going to enjoy sex.” “I am going to be more caring, connecting, sensitive, and positive.” By the way, they sincerely mean this each time they promise it to themselves. However, they have the “read my lips” problem and revert back to their withholding days, weeks, or months later.
Consequences. Every addiction has consequences.
For the intimacy anorexic, consequences are sometimes the actual “end game” (a final stage, such as when a knight is trapped near the end of a game of chess) of intimacy anorexia. The spouse of the intimacy anorexic that used to be full of life is now critical, depressed, and angry most of the time. The absolute distance in the relationship is a consequence. Not having sex or kindness in the relationship is also a consequence of intimacy anorexia. Sleeping in different rooms is a consequence (again, this might be intentional). Like the alcoh
... keep reading on reddit ➡hi all--
so ive been a many-time frequenter of this sub, i've posted then and again about how I was "going to lose weight"...
and I did it. In march I hit my lowest weight of 131 lbs, but to do it I developed anorexia and bulimia. For the past 9 months, I've been recovering mentally, and working on getting myself to a better mindset.
Truth be told, I am just exhausted. I am so tired of university and people around me dying, and feeling bad in my body.
In recovery I gained 22 pounds, putting me at 152-3 ish right now (f/5'8). Despite feeling exhausted, I think I'm finally in the headspace to lose weight safely and healthily, and to develop a relationship with food and exercise I am proud of.
It's a new year, and I would love to get down to about 135 ultimately, but as of right now, 140 is my goal. Then again, the number doesn't really matter, its more about feeling. I am not going to pressure myself to put a set date on it, but will do weekly check ins on both my physical and mental well-being.
I'm going to be candid, and that may involve talking about the intimacies of my mental health in eating disorder recovery, but will try to do it in a non-triggering way.
Its a new year, and unlike last year, its not about "getting my dream body", but about creating a lifestyle and mental state of wellbeing which I find sustainable and healthy, including moving my body and nourishing it well.
