A list of puns related to "In the Mix"
Not all heroes snare crepes.
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit β‘We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyoneβs advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think itβs a boy and girl but I donβt actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
...I got Rich Quick.
Researchers have discovered that when mixed with spices found in popular Hispanic dishes, ground peanuts make a great meat substitute!
It's also been found that an offshoot of the banana family, when fried, makes an awesome faux-fish sandwich!
Craving a frozen treat, but can't handle dairy? Some have found that chilled grapes and prunes can hit that sweet spot in a healthy way!
Keep experimenting with cruelty-free ideas!
TL/DR:
If you like peanut-chiladas, and getting cod from plantains, if you're not into yogurt 'cause you have lactose pains, you could make a lovely delight with some prunes and some grapes. Here's the grub that you've looked for, get that meat off your plate!
First off a six-parter
No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?
A: he was wearing a naval uniform.
Anyone know similar nonsense?
I needed to run to Home Depot just a little while ago, and my eight year old son has been driving my wife insane, so he was sent with me. He asked a hundred questions about what tool does what and why I needed this or that. Despite my distracted supervision, he surely mixed up several loose nuts and bolts.
At the exit of the self checkout line, there's a massive gumball machine that holds massive gumballs. I rarely carry change, so he's out of luck.
Sonny Boy: Dad, can I have a quarter?
Me (checking out): Nope. Don't have one.
Sonny Boy: You don't have any cents?
Me: If I had any cents, I'd have left you at home tonight.
No, he didn't get it, and I'm shocked he set it up so well by saying cents. But, the dude in the line next to me let out a solid guffaw. We made the satisfying, knowing eye contact of two dad joke aficionados. I'm glad someone else heard it.
Every year for the past few years, Iβve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last yearβs music was titled βTubaChristmas in July,β which had βHallelujahβ by Pentatonix, βCarol of the Bells,β βYouβre a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,β and βHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.β This year Iβm about 90% sure weβre doing rock/classic rock. So far I have βBohemian Rhapsodyβ by Queen, βPaint It, Blackβ by The Rolling Stones, βLivinβ on a Prayerβ by Bon Jovi, βDonβt Stop Believinββ by Journey, and some fifth song I havenβt chosen yet (BTW Iβm open to song ideas).
I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesnβt include song names, but you know itβs Christmas music on tubas.
We don't mix in the same circles.
It took an accident with red blood to bring blue to the world.
A pigment maker named Diesbach was trying to create a popular red out of cochineal, an insect still used for red dye in everything from lipstick to ketchup.
He added iron sulfate mixed with potash which we later discovered has a useful element now called potassium.
Anyway, the potash he used was contaminated with animal blood, which contains iron, and rather than creating red, he accidentally invented an affordable, long-lasting true blue.
When it came to making red pigment... he really BLUE it.
I went to a grocery store down the street for the sole purpose of getting a big bag of Chex mix. The cashier rang me up and said,
βYou want a bag for that Chex mix?β
I replied, βthatβs okay. Itβs already in a bagβ
He either didnβt get it or didnβt think it was funny but I was very pleased with myself.
My Mother was making chocolate pudding in the kitchen and in the middle of mixing it together when my brother walked in. Actual conversation as follows...
Brother: Hey, mom! Can I lick the bowl when you're done?
Mom: No, Joseph. You can use a toilet brush like the rest of the world.
My mom made stuffed peppers with with Shepherd's pie ground beef instead of stuffed pepper mix. So my dad goes... "I guess these are Shepherd's Peppers!"
He couldn't wait to spit that one out and had a great big laugh. Then told it again because my mom wasn't in the room.
Edit.. I don't think some people know the food involved. Stuffed peppers are these. And shepherds pie is this
The other morning my daughter was feeling down because she has been outshined by a male in the mixed netball team and felt she couldn't do better because she was a girl.
I of course pointed out that girls can do anything that a guy can do if she puts her mind to it. So far so good.
ERROR - brain to mouth filter disengaged.
Then said, in earshot of my wife, look at your mother over there growing a moustache.
She did not find it as funny as we did.
Sadly, no one approved of their relationship.
In the old days no one like mixed race marriages.
Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.
A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.
A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.
Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.
Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...
What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)
People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.
His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.
Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!
Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)
There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)
Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.
When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.
Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)
If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.
There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.
Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.
There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.
Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)
Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.
In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.
Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?
Doc: There's something not q
... keep reading on reddit β‘Funny collection of chemistry puns
What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heβs 0K now.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone
What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.
Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canβt helium or curium, you barium!
Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.
Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itβs in the ground state.
How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoβs number.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What element is a girlβs future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heβs 0K now.
What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium
What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe
What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A βgramβ cracker.
What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.
How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a βcarbonkneelβ
What did one titration tell the other? Letβs meet at the endpoint.
How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itβs basic material.
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down
Why do chemistry professor like to
... keep reading on reddit β‘Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).
I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !
If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)
I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(
Justin Timberlake: I am Bringing Sexy Barrack Eric Carman: Obama Self Amy Winehouse: Back to Barrack Sir Mix a Lot: Baby's got Barrack Take That: I want you Barrack for good.
If anyone has any others to throw in the mix.. it would be very much appreciated....
John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced color pigments. John was placed in the 'Pink Pigment' department which was incidentally between the 'Red Pigment' and 'White Pigment' departments. He was really good at his job and was constantly praised for the great work he produced.
However after a month or so, John found that a number of his work was being duplicated and mailed to almost all of his customers. Worse of all, instead of a proper note commenting on the color pigment properties, these duplicated products were accompanied with rather bad puns and jokes. One repeating joke which irritated him the most was: 'What do you call a country with only pink cars? A pink car-nation.'
Upset, he went to his manager to complain about the problem. After listening to John, his manager said, "Oh boy, looks like I need to talk to the manager of the 'Red Pigment' department again. This is not the first time that it has happened. Those Red-editors in that department love to copy and repost other people's original work as their own."
John then asked, "How are you so sure that it was them who are responsible?"
His manager replied, "Well, you can be certain that it is them as they always love jokes or puns especially in the comment section."
I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.
What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives
Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.
What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...
The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.
Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.
We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.
There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.
A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words
SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§ΔΔΕtΕ‘
As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.
My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...
There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.
Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.
There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!
(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!
A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.
A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.
A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.
Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.
Microsoft didn't want to confuse the Germans when they asked for Windows Nein.
Then he shoots into his invisible conversation mode
G1: I would like to buy a Windows 9.
G2: You mean Windows 10?
G1: Nein, Windows 9.
G2: 9?
G1: 9.
G2: Then what would you like?
G1: . . .
*Note: If this was all in one language the mix up probably wouldn't happen, but i wanted to share a nice little chuckle.
She told him she doesn't have any but she's got Aleve.
I piped up and asked "well where you going?"
In the room full of about fifteen people, I got a big mix of groans and genuine laughs
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
My girlfriend and I were driving for a long while and under my coercion she was reading Dune to me. After the first chapter she grew rather tired of the amount of large words mixed in with made-up sci-fi words. She demanded that she be exempt from large words for the test of the day. I replied, "So I guess defenestration is out the window."
She hit me. A lot.
I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.
Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"
She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"
"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.
"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.
"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"
"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."
At a rehearsal for my choir, the director made some last minute changes to the standing arrangements. For a couple songs, we wouldn't be standing in the usual Soprano Alto Tenor Bass formation, but we'd we standing in a way that we were surrounded by people of different sections. As you can imagine, shifting around 4 rows of risers is a bit hectic, so I asked my friend where exactly I had to go.
He told me, "As long as you're mixed, it's okay."
A wave of dark intentions washed over my brain.
I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "But I'm Chinese".
It took him a full two seconds to register what I just said.
What in the actual fuck is happening to me right now?
So we (my sister Shannen, my girlfriend Kallie, and my dad) are adopting a dog today and we are waiting in line for the centert to open.
Shannen: I hear they have a bunch of pit bull mixes.
Me: Do you guys want a pit bull?
Kallie: Pit Bulls are super sweet, it just depends on how they're raised
Dad: I don't know... I don't really like his music
Granddad: do you know what the white stuff is in bird shit? Me: no Granddad: it's bird shit. And no matter how much mayonnaise you mix with it you ain't never gonna have chicken salad.
She found a pair of my younger brother's boxers mixed in with mine which happens from time to time in the laundry. She jokingly asked if I was having a gay affair, to which I replied, "I'm having so many gay affairs I can't keep them straight."
She just groaned and left the room.
I was eating breakfast with my parents at a hotel. It was a buffet style one. We were towards the end of the meal when this happened.
Dad: Did you see all the juices they had over there?
Me: Yeah, I went for orange.
Mom: Oooh do they have Passion Fruit and Guava juice? We could mix them and make POG.
Me: Nah, they had Cranberry, Orange, Apple, and Lemonade though; you could make COAL.
Dad: It's a good thing they didn't have Cranberry, Raspberry, Apple, and Pineapple. (He was already laughing at his own joke getting the last word out) ...Do you get it? (now in uncontrollable laughter)
Me: I could smell that one coming when you started it.
Mom groaned and pretended not to know us.
The girlfriend and I went up to her parents house for dinner and the subject of how I'm allergic to cashews came up because my girlfriend found a cashew in the chex mix they were eating. Her dad then begins to proclaim, "You should be fine, because I don't think any of our cats have shoes on!"
Moans for days
My wife just recently got her hair cut and for the first time in a long time she got bangs.
Her: These bangs after driving me crazy. They keep falling in front of my eyes. After I comb my hair I always get a bunch of long hairs mixed in with the smaller. And I'm getting a headache from swishing my head back to keep the hair out of my face.
Me: Well, I think you are doing a bang up job.
I was sitting in the cafeteria for lunch yesterday and chatting with my fellow volunteers when one of them pulls out one of those shaker bottles that people mix up protein powder in. Hers just had water in it, but she hadn't taken out the metal shaker.
Without skipping a beat, the man on my left perks up and says, "Wow, that's some fancy spring water you've got there!"
Cue the groans.
Was making lunch for my kids yesterday and they all wanted "stripey" chocolate spread - I dunno, it's mixed with something else in stripes, I don't eat the stuff.
Unfortunately for them, all I could find was plain old Nutella. "Well", I said, "it's better than nutting!"
A couple of weeks ago, we were at home with my husband, having a few drinks at the end of the week and just relaxing. I had a glass of Dr. Pepper in front of me that I mixed with some rum. He came up and asked me if I wanted to grab "something stronger," assuming it was straight Pepper in the glass. I declined, saying that it's already mixed.
Him: "Didn't realize it was already doctored."
Me: "Yup, a doctored Doctor. Gimme the news."
I'll just show myself out. You're welcome for the earworm.
Asked my lady to pick me up some fruit from the store. She got me a container of mixed sliced fruit. I told her thanks and she said
"I also got some apples and oranges"
To which I replied: "Those just don't compare"
She looked at me with such malice in her eyes.
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