In an unexpected turn of events my apathetic Muslim friend just opened an eye hospital
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes
I put ketchup in my eyes
in heinzsight, it was a very bad mistake
I got ketchup in my eye.
I learned Heinz site is not always 20/20.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
My son said, “I accidentally put ketchup in my eye. I should have been more careful.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
My boss came in the other day and said it's cat had come home missing an eye...
I said that's weird cause I saw one in the middle of the road on my way in this morning
My wife told me she got some paint in her eye
I said damn, did it make you color blind?
My 4-year-old got crumbs in his eye and started rubbing his eye. He said it didn't hurt much and I said "Oh, so it's just a little irritating?"
He said "No, it's eye-itating."
My contact lenses have been dry on my eyes when I put them in. I discovered a liquid to prevent it!
My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
I quizzed my daughter, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?" Reluctantly, she admitted, "I have no idea. What?" I chuckled...
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
I can cut a piece of wood in half with my eyes.
It’s true I saw it with my own eyes.
I decided to rub ketchup in my eyes
In Heinz sight it wasn’t a good idea
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
Walked past a pallet of nacho cheese at Costco today. Looked my daughter in the eye and said, “Dylan, don’t touch”
Today I took a single Cheerio from my son’s bowl, stared him in the eyes, placed it on the table, smashed it with my fist, and said “Watch out...”
I accidentally squirted ketchup in my eye
I've got an injured extraterrestrial in my garage. He's missing an eye.
I got tear free soap in my eye
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying
I looked my child in the eye and told them they were not my son
Because I have a beautiful daughter instead
On top of everything else going on this year, I just got ketchup in my eye.
Now I have 2020 Heinzsight.
My girlfriend poked me in the eyes...
...so I stopped seeing her for a little while.
I just squirted ketchup in my eye
In Heinz-sight, it was a bad idea.
I once got hand sanitiser in my eyes
You have no eye-dea how much it hurts.
I might lose vision in both my eyes soon
Trying to stay optometristic about it
My eyes Buggled out when I saw this post in r/vaxxhappened
I’ll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket. He looked me in the eyes and said
“Son”... “how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes :(
Yeah, now I have Heinzsight.
I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
"you know, one would have been enough"
My girlfriend poked me in the eye the other day...
I stopped seeing her for a while.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I rubbed ketchup in my eyes;
I accidentally wiped ketchup in my eye
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