BASEBALL IN HEAVEN

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.

One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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If there's no gambling in heaven...

... why do they call it para-dice?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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No joke I just miss my dad. Happy fathers day in heaven dad dad daddy-o
πŸ‘︎ 704
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Bowie and Bing Crosby meet up in heaven…

David Bowie: "You look a bit down in the dumps, Bing. What's wrong?"

Bing Crosby: "my inflatable arsehole needs blown up."

Bowie: "Do you want to borrow my rubber bum pump?"

Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"

Bowie: "Rubber bum pump."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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How do you find a huge house in heaven?

Godzillow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...

Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, β€œNo one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."

The man shrugged and said, β€œMy wife told me to stand here.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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This preacher had just died and is in line to go to heaven.

He says to the guy in front of him, β€œHey, what did you do in your life?” The guy says, β€œI was a bus driver. I was a bad person. I wasn’t nice to people, I stole, and I always broke the law.” The preacher says, β€œI was a preacher. I always went to church and gave the best and longest sermons. I always prayed and read the Bible.” Finally, it’s the bus driver’s turn to tell God about his life. A few minutes later, he walks into heaven. The preacher walks up to God. God says, β€œWhat kind of things did you do in your life?” β€œWell, I went to church and gave great sermons. Do I get to go to heaven?” β€œI don’t know,” says God. β€œWhat? How come that dumb bus driver got to go to heaven?” God says, β€œWhen you gave your sermons, everyone fell asleep. But every time the bus driver was driving, there was at least one person on the bus who was praying.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leoninator123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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If someone does something dumb in Heaven/Hell, are they making a "grave-mistake"?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurritoBro91234
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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What kind of bread is served in Heaven?

Ciabatta?

Focaccia?

Sourdough?

Actually it's Naan of the above.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vik-Vinegar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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What do you call nun in heaven?

if you guessed "heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you are wrong. The answer is "nun of the above" !

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rplusg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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A nun was fired from he job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeromePaulos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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What's the best tea in Heaven?

Hebrew

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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What does a gambler find in heaven?

A pair’a’dice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MojoMasterGT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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I was walking down the street in Heaven, and I saw a guy selling smoothies made of love, joy, and peace

He said they were fruit smoothies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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Match made in Dad Joke heaven.

Wife and I were at a buffet yesterday and we got to the booth with salad and fruit.

I headed straight for my favorite fruit and said "Don't mind if I honey-dooo."

She looks straight at me and says "Honey...don't" and walks off.

Jokes on her though, cause I had lots of honeydew and it was delicious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballzrog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
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Passing by "sarong heaven" in Hawaii..

Husband says "where 'saright one?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redbull188
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Is a nun in heaven called "nun of the above"?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadelancer8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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