A shitty pun that came to me in a dream.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theduud
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
In a dream I was being chased by a trillion male cows...

...it was terabull.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I had this dream, where I was floating in this ocean made up of orange soda

Turns out it was just a Fanta sea

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.

But that sort of thing stick in your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.

He has lofty ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 425
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I thought I was in a trigonometric function of an angle...

I thought I was in-sine!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.

I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a female horse in my dream

It was a nightMARE

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel like I am living in a Abbott and Costello inspired dream..

-WHO wants you to wash your hands.

-Who does?

-Yes

-Who wants me to wash may hands?

-Yes, WHO wants you to wash your hands and practice social distancing.

-I don't know who. My mom?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream I was swimming in an orange ocean.

I woke up and realized it was a Fanta-Sea

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, β€œ1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”

β€œIt was quite a hectic evening.”

πŸ‘︎ 544
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was planting myself in a garden.

It felt so real, I actually soiled myself.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a lucid dream yesterday. I told my mom after that I turned into Micheal Jackson. She said, β€œare you high, son?”

I said, β€œno, I’m Micheal Jack son”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beninja_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Had a dream last night that I was drowning in a orange soda sea...Took me awhile to figure out it was just a Fanta sea.
πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArsenalHakon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a dream last night that I was hiding from a serial killer in a little room while camping.

It was in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdiddy579
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I always dream about opening up a horse groomer in Maine.

I'd call it, Maine's main mane on main.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabbithole00
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I met the woman of my dreams in Korea

She's my Seoul mate

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowman50
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Never pee in a dream...

Urine trouble if you do.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boom223
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I told a dad joke in a dream last night.

Someone was taking about their oral and aural studies. I said, "We don't listen when you talk about that." I woke myself up laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Son born in a car named Carson. The dream Dad
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaywoah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
As a struggling dry alcoholic, I had a few dreams where I didn't give in to drinking last night

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccrosssss
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What would you name a book that's about a horse's dreams in the middle ages?

The Nightmares of a Knight's Mare.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vernal59
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me for something I did in her dream.

My wife got mad at me for something I did in her dream.

β€œI’m terribly sorry, honey, let me make it up to you. Let’s have a nice dinner out, and maybe we could get those shoes you’ve always wanted,” I told her.

β€œOh, honey, I can hardly wait! Are we going tonight?” She asked.

I replied, β€œSure thing. What time do you usually start dreaming?”

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamvints
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I thought of this joke in a dream last night, I think it will fit in just fine here.

A farmer decides to sell everything he owns and use the money to buy vowels on Wheel of Fortune.

Old MacDonald lost his farm.

E-I-E-I-O

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ojipog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I called my boss to let him know I wanted to come in later this morning. He said, β€œDream on”.

What a great guy.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Citizen_Defarge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Do we really dream in color?

Or is it just a pigment of our imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
An angle appeared to me in a dream

It said "Stop dreaming about math, nerd."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My daughter has been frightened lately, because I've been waking up nightly, screaming from a bad dream. (It's a dream in which I'm forced to eat Indian food for every meal...)

I told her it's just a recurrying nightmare.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourbrotherrex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I was swimming in a ocean of orange soda...

Turns out it was just a Fanta Sea.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LanaBabie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I was drowning in orange soda.

When I woke up I realized it was a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikechefboyardee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.

I guess you could say it was more of a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leftonasournote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda...

It was a fanta sea

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnluckyLiterature
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda...

Turns out it was just a fanta-sea

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoWeGotTheLegs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream where I drowned in an ocean of orange soda

I woke up and figured it was all a Fanta-sea

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orion_Starrlight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream that i was drowning in an ocean of orange soda. . .

But when I woke I realized that it was just a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxann_007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are going on a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œ What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.

Her: What would you do when we see it?

Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeliusJones
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a wierd dream that i was drowning in orange soda...

But I realized that it was just a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ben_g_24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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