Dad to his son; β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”

Son; β€œGo on, then.”

Dad growls; β€œNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son; β€œThat’s Superman.”

Dad; β€œThanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmoor456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My wife has been telling me to put a stop to my animal impressions for a while now. Today, she furiously told to me stop a flamingo impression I had been practicing for a while now.

I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustiniR
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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My friend told me I did a terrible Elvis impression

I replied "Thank you, thank you very much."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.

I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epitomizer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I went to the dentist the other day. He took one look at my teeth and said he needed to do an impression.

To be honest, his Sinatra wasn't that bad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodNamedBob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My wife said she was gonna divorce me for my bad Arnold impression.

Don’t worry, ”I’ll return”.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firehornet117
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.

The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:

"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"

"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled

"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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My roommate is getting annoyed because I won't stop my flamingo impression.

So I've had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?

I dont like tractors any more

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matmanlives
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Really a killer impression
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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I told my son I would do a Batman impression for him.

Me: β€œOh no! Kryptonite! My only weakness!”

Son: β€œThat’s Superman.”

Me: β€œThank you very much! I’ve been practicing.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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I do a great Killer Whale impression...
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rastaaman1996
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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My Dad said it was always important to make a good impression at the start of a job interview...

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying β€œNice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Here's my best impression of a shoe.
πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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My friend does the same two impressions in every party. He is either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman.

Maybe he’s Bourne with it. Maybe he’s Wolverine.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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I try to make a lasting impression upon people when I ride the subway...

I enter with stile.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My girlfriend asked me to stop my flamingo impression.

I had to put my foot down upon that request.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wayofwisdomlbw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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A guy walked up to me and told me to do a Michael Jackson impression.

I told him just beat it.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BSG_U53R
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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My wife thinks my dwarf impressions are terrible

But hey ho

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CVSSR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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My friend bet me Β£100 that I couldn't do an impression of a butterfly.

I thought that's worth a flutter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedaddy71
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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When my friend showed me his improved Pennywise impression, I said

β€œNow that’s more like It”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/solemnbiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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My wife told me I couldn’t do my flamingo impression around the house anymore.

Well, I finally had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Dad (to his son in the backseat, while mom is riding shotgun): "Hey, do you want to hear my impression of your mother?!?!"

Son: "What? Yes, totally!"

Dad (turns to look at mother tenderly): "I think she's a lovely and beautiful woman, a good wife to me, and a good mother to you."

Son: sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthattar
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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The new printer gave me a terrible first impression
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortiphago
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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The dentist took impressions for a new night guard today. Had to do it twice.

Apparently I didn’t make a good first impression.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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So here's my impression of Robert DeNiro, Jackie Chan, and President Bush walking into a restaurant.

"Table for 3."

My grandpa says this joke weekly, and cracks up every time.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HobbitSauce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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Wife does a good dad Impression

I needed ice at the office, so my wife was kind enough to provide.

http://imgur.com/rRnoo5U

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Binestar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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Dad makes a good impression.

A teenage son brings his girlfriend over for the first time. The son had asked the night before to make a good impression when she came over. When the son and the girlfriend decide to sit down on the couch, the dad immediately sits between them and starts shifting in his seat, the son asks "dad, what the hell are you doing?" The dad responds "I said I would make a good impression didn't I?" The dad proceeds to fall off the couch laughing and rolling around at his own joke while the son looks on in horror.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoonilWazilbob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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First Impressions

So this was a few years back for me and I best give a bit of background info: I was in the beginning of a new relationship with a girl, in my late teens . We were both at the same bording school, so I had to ask permission from her parents and my parents if she'd be allowed to come visit for weekend and all that. Got all the permissions sorted out, and planned a dinner at a chinese place. My dad and step mum came along for the ride, along with my sister.

Now, my dad has a weakish bladder and went to the toilet upon entering the restaurant. Upon emptying his bladder, he announced to us "There was a penny in the toilet. Now there is Two Pee."

I groaned, my sister rolled her eyes and my step mum nearly killed him. My then girlfriend was just mortified (first time she'd met my dad).

At the end of the meal, my dad went to the toilet again. This time he came out with a 2p coin in a tissue, drying it. My then girlfriend was just looked at me as if to say "you're father is mental how are you sane."

I pointed out to my dad the flaw in his trick, stating he'd said it was a penny, not a 2p coin. I think my step mum hit him shortly after he dropped me off at my mum's...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liquidbambam93
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, β€œThat’s Superman…”

β€œThanks, man, ” he replied, β€œI’ve been practicing it a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, β€œThat’s Superman…”

β€œThanks, man, ” he replied, β€œI’ve been practising it a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkSideDweller
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, β€œGo on, then.” He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, β€œThat’s Superman.”

He said, β€œThanks dad, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, β€œGo on, then.” He shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I laughed, β€œThat’s Superman!”

He replied, β€œThanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"

πŸ‘︎ 747
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Do you want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?

β€œI used to love tractors.”

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alasqalul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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My wife told me to stop doing my flamingo impression

I had to put my foot down

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mature-carrot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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My family kept telling me to stop doing my flamingo impression....

....So I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyWhiskers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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I said to my son, β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression?”

He said, "Sure dad!"

I shouted, β€œNOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

He said, β€œThat’s Superman!”

I said, β€œThanks son, I’ve been practicing a lot!”

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
🚨︎ report

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