I’m not in a relationship or anything I just want to know if I ever am what to look for
Before writing this post i :
read other people's posts,
pondered about right amout of humour in a post ( because if you try hard and fail you fail hard but you also don't want to be boring so there must be like a golden middle, where is it for me then ),
pondered about if i should write to other people or make my own post ( because if i'm the one who's writing there is a high chance of people being already overwhelmed by other messages or just not being interested in talking with me and i'm kinda not feeling that great to begin with so not getting a response at all would be a bummer but on the other hand if i'm posting there will be people who write to me and whom i don't find interesting myself and i don't want to bum them by saying " sorry, i don't think we have enough in common " or something like that ),
decided that before posting on reddit i probably should try some kind of an app that helps with looking for friends,
found an app,
spent twenty minutes trying to make fake cool profile photo by laying my hand over a monitor with a beach photo ( because all cool people hang around beaches all the time, duh) and also writing funny ( probably not that funny) description for it,
found out that app shows me only one other profile and it's a dude who's in army, he's only profile picture includes shaved head, military uniform and multiple guns. Also, zero f*&(ing beaches. C'mon. They fly jets in Top Gun and they still have time to go to the beach. This dude? Couple of guns and no beach. Pathetic,
deleted profile and app,
went back here,
spent ten minutes contemplating on how i should write " no homo " joke in the title,
and here we are.
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I just thought that this recap is going to tell much more about me as a person than list of my hobbies and interests. Also, it says enough about my knowledge of english language. I'm quite fluent in terms of understanding stuff ( in vocal and written form ) but i'm not the best writer because i'm russian. I listen and read stuff in english regularly but i rarely write anything and if i write it's something informal on the internet. So if that's bothering you... Yeah. It is what it is.
Okay, now let's go over dry stuff.
I got a bachelor's degree in computer science and math approximately 1,5 years ago. I had ( i still have ? man, i'm no englishman ) a deal wi
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We don’t even have to be dating. We don’t need to have any relationship that’s more than the one we already have. I’m okay with us just being friends. But how do I ask you to hold your hand? I know you’re self-conscious about how feminine they are, and I don’t want to make you more self-conscious than you already are. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should wait? You hold hands with other people, maybe you’ll ask me eventually. Just so you know, I’m always going to be here. The suicide attempt is over, and I won’t be leaving this world any time soon.
I’m here when you need me.
superhero type questions. I wanna know how your day was. I don't want a simple answer like "good" or "ok". I want you to go into detail about what you did. Tell me what music you listened to, the places you went, not because I wanna keep tabs on you, but because I want to know what you like to do so I can further advance in the relationship. Sex is literal bullshit. I don't wanna give my first "I love you" after we have sex, that's not right. I wanna cook you breakfast and tell you I love you, because I do. Stop treating us nice guys like shit.
In fingers we feel the shudders of ants
Shivers in sign language logged in by fire
Gripping grass gowns fed in dimwitted dance
Starcrossed phalanges vining cold coiled wire
In palms we peel the privacy of hearts
Pains between portals past prancing with wolves
Pieta pawned paws push grocery carts
Parking pink palms Michaelangelo’s gloves
In hands she cupped the blackheart of man’s toll
Cracking my pinkies on basketball’s ball
Her folklore in lines of dead seas and scrolls
Slow hands of red stone promised lands we’d call
Crawling on nights pushing palms toward the floor
Crawling nights colder she claws the front door
You touched a very special and deep place in my heart. Place of which I didnt know could be reached. I searched and searched, in many places for something or someone to touch it, to no avail. Then I finally found you. The time we spent talking made me feel so incredibly fuzzy and cozy inside. It felt like we were old lovers in a previous life, rejoined in this one by a miracle. I didnt feel uncomfortable or nervous with you, that was one of the reasons I didnt hold back. I said "I love you" way too fast, although I was and still am 200% sure I love you, I do, thats not changing. It was so natural, everything, all of it.
I was in a so incredibly dark place in my life when we met, insecure, anxious & depressed. Yet you showed me I was capable of love, loving and being loved. You made me genuinely happy. You showed me life is good, its worth living. You showed me unconditional love, that I am forever grateful for. Thank you.
My insecurities combined with other things that were happening at the time made me worry and think you actually didnt love me. I told myself I wasnt enough, I wasnt the person you told me I was. I am so sorry for all of that. What I should have done was to bring these insecurities up to your knowledge and mend them together. I had a horrible self image, Ive been working on that alot, for the first time I can go up to a mirror and be content with myself, you lead me to that. I didnt know how to love myself, but you gave me the map with the coordinates to the treasure that is self love.
I want you to know that I love you unconditionally, it kills to hear youre depressed, I wish there was something I could do other than offering a pair of ears, I have learned some of your favourite songs on the guitar, I could play those to you. I dont know if that would make you feel better.
Oh yeah, I'll tell you somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I say that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feelin' that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah, you got that somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I say that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
And when I touch you
I feel happy inside
It's such a feelin' that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide
Yeah, you got that somethin'
I think you'll understand
When I feel that somethin'
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
)