I tried donating blood today... NEVER AGAIN!!! Too many questions.
Like, "Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?"
"Why is it in a bucket?"
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
I tried to make my login password "Beefstew"
When I was in France I tried to climb a huge tower
I tried being a vegetarian...
But realized it was a big missed steak
I tried to find a pun about carpentry
I tried catching fog today...
I tried to think of a joke about superglue.
I tried to talk to my doctor about circumcision
He just talked in circles
I tried to tell a joke about a guillotine
I didn't execute it properly
I tried to catch the fog one day
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
I tried to come up with a pun about carpentry, but it’s harder than it sounds.
Almost nothing wood work.
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...
He’s still making fun of me...
I tried to find out what a proctologist was...
But I just couldn’t get to the bottom of it.
I tried to convince my wife to try this new Indian restaurant by telling her about the free appetizer.
She told me that was a naan starter.
I tried making up a joke about unemployment...
...but it just didn't work.
I tried skipping rope. But I ended up being tied up.
That was knot my intention.
I tried street racing once and lost.
I was out of breath after two blocks, but the street kept going for miles.
I Tried to Make a Dam out of Paper...
But the seepage was too hard to control.
Last year i went to paris and tried to climb the tallest building
I tried to tell my vaccinated friend a COVID joke.
Last night, I tried sticking a torch to my scalp.
It made me feel very light- headed.
I tried to make a joke about vaccines during the trump era
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out of the other.
I tried an Easter beer...
I tried smoking pot once.
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.
>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back.
No body laughed at that time, but eventually everyone got it.
One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.
“Sorry, mister,” he said. “I’m up to my ears in work.”
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
I tried telling a joke at prom but my audience seemed pretty bored...
I guess the punch line was too long.
I tried gluing my company's HR policies to myself, but they wouldn't stick...
I guess the rules don't apply to me.
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
I found a parasite in my Easter basket who tried telling me there was no God.
It was an egg ganache tick
I tried dating a communist, but it didn’t work out.
There were too many red flags.
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.
Good players are hard to find.
I tried to write with a broken pencil
I tried running for the president
I tried to sort out wtahtoebucrldazy into an actual sentence
Then I realized “that would be crazy!”
I tried to climb a really tall tower in France...
I tried to climb a really tall tower in France
When I was in Paris I tried to climb this tall tower
I tried to find a joke about carpentry
So I tried catching some fog today..
I tried to climb a tall tower in France...
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