I certainly soap you like it.
I have a hunch you will like this joke
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair
This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.
I was gonna tell a time travel joke but you didn’t like it.
I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?
If good;
The good news is there is no bad news.
If bad;
The bad news is there is no good news.
you know why I don’t like eating small types of fish
because they are little fishy
I Was Told You Might Like My Valentines Day Cards ;)
I'd like to share a small victory with you all today
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
I thought you folks would like this
I'd like to tell you my favorite tongue-twister.
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.
Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!
A widow is mourning at her husband's grave site. A gentleman walks by and says "If you don't mind, I'd like to say a word."
"That would be nice" she said. "Plethora"..... "Thanks, that means a lot."
A piece I just finished working on, hope you all like it :)
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
Would you like to know how I got from Iraq to Afghanistan?
I finally hooked up with the girl who said, “You’re like a brother to me”.
I said, “Well, if you incest”.
I made this little Honeymoon pin, get it? Honey- moon? hope you like it! (:
Do you know why I like windows?
You can always see right through them.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, “why is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
I thought you guys would like this
I finally got the Spotify cake. You guys like my posts right?
You wanna know what I don't like about babies?
They're all born with da fetus attitudes.
I heard you like Pearls Before Swine
You know, it seems like every time I kill a gnat, another one appears.
So, I guess you could say they're appearing at the drop of a gnat.
I said to my can of pineapple, "I don't like you."
I would like to share you this joke about peanut butter but I won’t.
Because you might spread it.
I decided to invent a time machine you wear like a belt
It turned out to be a complete waist of time
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?
Hydrogen: Helium, how do I become like you?
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
Wife: I know you don’t like olives, but there are so many in this salad. I can’t get them out.
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
4YO Daughter (frowning): “Baba, I don’t like you”
...”I love you”.
Oh, the timing, bless her comic soul.
Do you know what I like about nuns?
Do you know why I like egg jokes?
I hope you like my senior pictures.
Cause the people at the retirement home did.
I thought you'd like this one.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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