After the announcements yesterday I'm just imagining a group of military leaders holding a meeting and calling Blackbeard in.
"Listen Blackbeard we've been talking. We think. You're surviving a little too much out there."
"I'm confused. Is that bad? What did I do wrong?"
"No you see that's the thing. You're not doing enough wrong and it's really a pain in the ass for the enemy so we're going to replace your current shield and go with this new model made with Saran Wrap."
"But I won't last a minute out there."
"Exactly the point. Good luck out there. Oh! Also if you could just raise your gun up a little slower please. You're a bit of an eager beaver with the whole killing thing and the enemy has sent in a few complaints about it."
"Okay"
"Alright send Smoke in please. We have some exciting news about his arm strength"
Edit: thank you for the people in this thread telling me this is a video game and isn't real. Your observations are truly groundbreaking. Where would I be without you.
It's a joke.
What's replaced postmodernism at this point?
Also, how to recognize it in your readings and finally how to write it well?
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
(please , please do not ACKSHUALLY me. I know that miriael sabathiel is the only 'canon' chaos sororitas but also you guys have to remember that beings as mentally powerful as astartes can fall. This sister , Tyra((aka hysteria)) starts as humble hospitalier before slowly getting into some Alice in wonderland hallucinations. This took a while as I kept starting over. Hopefully you guys like it)
+++THOUGHT FOR THE DAY; death is better than failure+++
Tyra resisted her emotions as the mechanic adepts removed her power armor. As a combat hospitalier , she always tried to save everyone... But , as anyone knows , the grim darkness of the 41st millennium doesn't always have happy endings. 49 of her order had been wiped out , nevermind a good number of guardsmen she had become friends with. Tears welled in her eyes as the tech adepts left , leaving Tyra to go clean herself. Luckily , her room happened to be soundproof. The door hissed shut , and immediately she began to bawl. Unfortunately , the emperor blessed her with a heart that does not deserve the brutality of war. Unbeknownst to her , a daemon was afoot.
Tyra was a warrior , yes , but she was still human. She still felt. And now? She felt shame. Utter horror and anguish. She tried so hard to save her friends , her -well- family. But , against the forces of chaos , things have a terrible habit of going wrong. Tyra sobbed , allowing the warm water of her shower to overcome her. Ilis. Breta. Jeny. All dead. At the very least , she had no injuries. She got hit in the breastplate with an autogun , but power armor stops that easily. A short shower , and she nearly collapsed on her bed. Tired and in grief , Tyra briefly reflected on the fact she may have a nightmare. Regardless , sleep came.
Her eyes opened , and she was in some frilly blue-and-white dress that resembled how a noble would dress their daughters. The world around her was odd ; mushrooms as tall as trees , butterflies on the wind that more closely resembled scrap metal sculptures , and other stranger creatures. The smell of fresh tea wafted over the landscape alluringly , and suddenly Tyra found herself drawn to it. In a clearing , a man was stirring a large pot with a dubious grin on his face. "Hello?" She asked. "o-? Oh! Yes , welcome my dear hysteria! Come , have a seat!" The gardener smiled as if Tyra was an old friend. She sat at the table , noticing other guests. A strange man-shaped moth , a spacemarine , and an incredibly fat
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
EDIT: Jesus H. Christ. I wrote this while I was eating pizza and freaking out over the game. I expected 10 people to see it. Thanks for the awards! May your survival be long and your death be swift.
I thought this was the Terminator 2 of game sequels.
Now that I know what happened, I am very very disappointed in many of my fellow gamers for taking such a hysterical stance on what I felt was one of the most believable and realistic plot approaches to subject matter like this.
Abby reminded me of Sarah Connor. Strong in her convictions, whip smart in battle, bound to her vengeance yet still a lover and devoted to her family.
At first I didn’t like her because she killed a person I am partial to. This is how all war goes. We side with those which we care about and are taught to demonize the enemy as being the morally wicked when in reality we are the same and both caught up in someone else’s push for power and control.
We like to think that OUR side is always right.
This is not true and there are no white and black shades in war. There is only hideous grey.
Abby believed she was avenging her father for the greater good and Ellie believed she was avenging her pseudo father for the greater good. You slap flags and tribalism on top of that and you’ve got the blueprint for getting people to fight to the death in armed conflicts.
Neil forcing me to play as Abby and learn her and her friends story was genius. Simply put.
As far as ellie goes:
I thought her descent into violence and chaos was simply and utterly believable. The mark of this fallen society and Joel’s violent ways have successfully taken its toll on her development. She is no longer the somewhat still pure vessel we grew to love. Just as in real life conflict, she traversed puberty and mental development above a landscape of violent conditioning and retribution.
As far as Joel goes:
I miss him just as much as the next person but let’s be honest - Joel is not a good person and never was at any point since the death of his daughter.
He’s killed countless people. He has ran with unsavory packs. He executed a defenseless woman and an innocent doctor. He halted the prospect of a world saving vaccine. All of that just to serve his selfish desires to replace his daughter. It was only a matter of time until he suffered a similar fate.
**We like to pretend that our beloved hero’s will remain untouchable in such a violent landscape but that is improb
... keep reading on reddit ➡Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
