How Sweet It Is Puns

Pizza cake.

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

A husband and wife are enjoying dinner with a bottle wine when the wife stops and says "you've always been there for me, through thick and thin, I don't know how I made it so far but I couldn't have done it without you". The husband turns to her and says "Wow hunny, that's so sweet, is that you or the wine talking though?". The wife turns to the husband and says, "what the hell are you talking about? I'm talking to the wine".

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

She and I were talking about how a certain flavor of Combos she likes is only in one store in her area:

Her: I have a hard enough time finding the sweet and salty caramel one. I have to go to a specific LOWE'S. a Lowe's!! C'mon!

Me: So...when it comes to Combos, your area certainly is Lowe in stock?

Her: ...omg you didn't...

I'm at my buddy's parent's house last night for his little birthday shindig with some friends. His mom is there and, while she's super sweet, she tends to find compliments for everything even if they're not needed.

His mom gets to talking to one of our friends about how the friend works at a bookstore downtown which happens to be a two storey building.

Friend's mom: "Oh, you work at Barnes and Noble? It must be nice to work there. It's such a building. It's so nice that it has two storeys."

Me: "I'm pretty sure there's a lot more than two stories in there..."

So it was MT friend's birthday, to celebrate she invited us all over to her house for some dinner.

They've got a pretty big house, and a sweet sound system set up with speakers in each room, so you could play music and everyone in the house will hear it.

So we're all talking and joking around over dinner, my friend hooked up her iPod to the sound system and Ed Sheeran is playing in the background

At this point, her dad comes over to chat

Dad: "So, how do you guys like my house music?"

Friend: "That's not house music dad..."

Dad: "Yeah it is! This is my house, and there's music playing in it, so it's house music!"