But now he's just sluggish
me: only if she’s american because i don’t get involved in foreign affairs
I might have assthma, butt it could be type two diabooties. I hope these puns aren't bumming you out, they're just for the crack. I don't mean to be cheeky, although I might be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Butt some of them are easy to get behind
You don't have to be anal about it, its not like you're the butt of the joke. I mean anusthing is possible, I think I'm getting to the rear end of these puns now.
It's asstounding how long this is lasting. I mean I don't want to half-ass it. Okay, I'll leave out the back door, but its so dark out, I can even see the full moon!
Just kidding I'm back.... side. Okay okay I'll bring it to a robust end. It's all behind me now.
I made a rat character who managed to lose his name, and now I have to find a new one. I was hoping /r/puns could help me make my DM facepalm.
Helpful information: Is aquatic (half-fish) Stole the core out of a water elemental once. Accidentally killed a dragon. Original alias: Mega Rat.
I know there's a joke in here somewhere, I just can't find it. Thanks for any help!
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
He replied: A man is someone who is responsible and takes care of his family.”
Son: I hope one day I grow up to be a man just like Mom!
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"
I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!
I hope you’re happy.
He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!
No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".
I hope you have a nice day!
P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.
Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.
Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.
I realize this isn't a joke, but it seems the best place to ask it. Hopefully the mods will let it ride. What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?
My vote is "Top Secret!" with Val Kilmer in the mid 80s.
I really hope Mr. Smith gets back to me.
Always bringing me down...
The stairs, hope my leg heals soon
She hopes it's a buoy
I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal….
Elon-gate would be really drawn out.
A man wanted to do something nice for ten of his friends. So he wrote a pun for each one hoping it would cheer them up. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
I hope you're happy, and having a great cakeday too
I hope you burn in hello
Assam-ple would be helpful.
I hope not to strain in seeing how this joke brews with the subreddit.
I hope to become a bouillionaire!
They're hoping you're gonna be in a cast.
"No, I was hoping you'd just give them to us, for free."
Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.
I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. “I hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?
But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.
Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
I hope no-one is behind us
I hope you win a Nobel prize
Daughter: “Low washer fluid”. Dad: “That’s too bad. I hope the washer fluid feels better, later.”
I don’t know if I am allowed to post this but I just made a dad joke generator. Hope you guys like it. If I am breaking the rule, please let me know I don’t mind withdrawing the post. Here’s the link:
https://kiranojhanp.github.io/random-joke-generator/
I told her "I hope the USBs are portside"
I hope it’s just a parsing interest
... when it is full groan!
(Glad she still has her sense of humor at her age; gives me hope for my future!)
One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire!
Who’s There?
The Who.
The Who who?
I said The Who, not the owls!
(i made this up and had to keep myself from laughing for two hours at work I hope u like it)
Hopefully good health and prosperity aren't too much to "ox" for.
I hope you’re not in a Uri.
Hopefully my y wife won’t be my last.
I hope you're happy now.
Whoever they are, I hope they're happy!
