I meant to cross post it but I don’t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
Here is present the vampire state building.
Some people think posting a raunchy joke here is okay as long as its funny enough to make you snort.
I was bartending and a man came in with his son. “Is it okay if he sits here? He’s a minor”
“I don’t care what his job is. If he wants a drink, let’s get him a drink.”
Man... Every single post here is about the Suez Canal...
People must be stuck in it
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other “is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?” Then the second one says-
“AAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!”
Going out on a limb here hoping this is not a repost
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. First one says "boy it sure is hot in here."
The other yells, "Oh my god! It's a talking muffin!"
Spring is here!!!
I am so excited I wet my plants.
Here's a way you'll know this sentence is pregnant
Is there space for a pun here?
Christmas is getting a little punny around here this year
Any engineers here? My trans sister is one.
I'm here is Scotland and quarantine has me feeling all out of sorts...
And there is nothing worse for a Scot than being off kilter.
Doctor: Here is your newborn baby but we are sorry that your wife didn’t make it
Me: Please bring me the one my wife made
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!
Graffiti around here is getting out of hand
Didn't know where to post it, so here it is.
2021 is officially here
So I guess 2020 is hindsight
[edit: I'd been waiting to post that!]
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
In honor of my dads birthday today here is this joke.
After my dads 61st birthday card, he said one would of been fine.
Is it acceptable for a non-dad to post a joke here?
Or would that be a faux pa?
Microsoft is unwanted here
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".
Sorry for going on a tangent
Jewish mom: Help! Is there a doctor here?!
Doctor: yes
Mom: are you single?
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
As I was leaving the vet’s office, he said “Here is the bill..
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
May be here may not all I know is we need zylophone
A lame attempt ... but here it is :)
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?
Voting has ended. It's a tie.
Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.
Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...
Here, a license is required for a forklift
Guess I need to switch to chopsticks.
Well here it is. The end of society.
Here is a pun for all my bible reading friends
In an alternate universe, God sends popeye down to speak to moses. When Moses asks Popeye who he is, he responds
"I yam who yam"
I don’t know if it’s the best anti-joke but here is my favorite one.
I'm still working on my next dadjoke. In the meantime, here is an up date.
Friend: someone here is possessed by a owl
Hey my first joke here is about Patella injuries
Excuse me, is someone doing dad jokes over here ?
'Cause I could step-dad in.
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
Some think dad jokes make just roll your eyes. But they are actually awesome. And here is why.
Interactions are low, Hope is high, here's a suprise butt supply.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
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