Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
My yard looks so much better now that I've finally fixed that fence
"Why wasn't the document allowed at the children's party?"
Because he was a PDF File!
1
I probably failed my arboreal safety exam.
this
I just subscribed to dadjokes and I absolutely love it. Probably because i have the same sense of humor. Anyway here is what happened last night as I was home visiting for dinner.
My mom has spent all day preparing a glorious meal of shredded barbeque chicken, spanish rice, and corn bread (the kind of home cooked meal you just don't get in college). One of my moms absolute favorite things is cornbread and honey. so while we were sitting at the table waiting for her to get her plate she set my dad up for his moment of glory. "Is my honey on the table already?" I saw the look in his eyes he knew he had her! "No sweety I'm in my chair. I haven't had enough to drink to get on the table yet!" I laughed high fived my dad while my mom and my sister rolled their eyes.
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
All the good ones Argon
Police say he may be following a pattern.
...But then I thought, "Na, they've probably heard it before."
But i didn't think it wood work.
You can’t turn that down
It’s going to be so cool 😎
SO here I go again on my own
But that was a decade ago
But I don't think it's the right plaice to. I feel like I'll just flounder. I'm a dab hand with bad puns, though I'm probably gonna look like a right bass. I trout this'll be very popular. I mean, sal-mon, it's pretty bad. I think I need to tuna bit of it. I should ask my friend Hali-but she's probably busy. So no dice.
But you didn’t like it.
So here I go again on my own
Ann-ah one, Ann-ah two, Ann-ah here-we-go!
I'll wait here, you go on ahead
But I'm sure you already Reddit.
But it would have just been another copypastor.
"You stay here," one said, "I'll go on ahead."
You guys can stay here, I'm gonna go on ahead.
Out of Nowhere.
Explanation: I asked my five year old this question to tell a joke I’d seen on Reddit. His answer was way better than mine so here you go, dads!
When I was a little boy, my dad was with me and a friend of his.
His friend asked him, "Where do you stand on children?"
My father replied, "I'm not going to do this with my boy here", pointing at me. "It would break him."
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Hmm. I'm going out on a limb here, but I think they just wanted them to hand something back.
Because heavy metals are toxic.
(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)
"You wait here, I’ll go on a head."
