I posted something on here the other day and didnβt get a single upvote
I guess nobody Reddit.
I got lazy, but here are day 11, 12 and 13 of Dadvent!
I'm here is Scotland and quarantine has me feeling all out of sorts...
And there is nothing worse for a Scot than being off kilter.
Friend saw this on ig and sent it to me, thought it fit here.
Iβm a server and hereβs a dad interaction I had the other day
Me, pointing at his food: Wanna box for that?
Random dad: No, but Iβll wrestle you for it.
My 6 year old daughter set up a party and led me to the registration sheet. It said "Sine here". Now I am wondering if there is another sheet that says "Cosine there".
Sorry for going on a tangent
My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.
I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!" He then goes on to say "The name's Gus, and all my friends call me Fun Gus"
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we donβt serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if heβs a rope!
Rope replies Iβm a frayed knot.
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, βGet out. We donβt serve rope in here.β So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, βHey! Arenβt you the rope that I just threw out?β
The rope replied, βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:
Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady
Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy
I used a dad joke from here on my dad and he already knew it. I asked him how and he said...
"I Reddit."
Theres 3.3 million people in here so I figured id go ahead and post that im looking for one night stand.
Matter of fact, make it 2. I need one for each lamp.
My wife pulled me aside yesterday. We sat down and she told me she had some news. Honey, I'm pregnant were here exact words.
I responded with hi pregnant, i'm dad.
"No you're not."
Two ninjas are sneaking up on their target when one of the ninjas asks the other: "do you think you can hit him from here?" and the ninja says:
"I shuriken"
This isnβt mine and I donβt know who made it, but itβs been on my phone for so many years and I havenβt seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
Just had a quick conversation with my dad and thought it belonged here
Me: The washer is free
Dad: No it wasnβt, it cost a lot
All dad jokes are really bad and hereβs why:
>why
"I've come here to hand over this abandoned cygnet that I rescued and raised"
Animal shelter: "Nice swan".
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, βhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, βare you a vet?β
He said, βvet? Iβm fucking soakingβ
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, I haven't seen your kind here before! What'll you have?"
"Pop." goes the weasel.
Here's a joke about a man and his flock of sheep.
Stop me if you've herd it before.
Summerβs almost here and Iβm going to buy this really trendy fan
Itβs going to be so cool π
It's my first post here and idk what to write in a tittle so here
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
"Theraflu."
Dad jokes are the best and here's why
Why
This fan has been here for 3 weeks and still not shipped
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Hereβs the joke β What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?
A1C por favor
Some think dad jokes make just roll your eyes. But they are actually awesome. And here is why.
###Y
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
1
My fucking dad was sending me some credentials, and he attached this photo with it.... Sorry if this doesn't fit here.
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said "Gee it's hot in here"
The other one shouted "Wow, a talking muffin"
Not sure if it's legal for me to makes these jokes bc I'm not a dad so here it goes... What does a duck and a homeless person have in common?... . .
They both love quack
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
I love Stranger Than Fiction, and here's one of the many reasons why.
Iβll be here all night ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, a classic pun right here
Found it in another sub and thought it belonged here
I know that we all have different views and argue a lot on reddit, but hereβs something we have in common.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
Saw this and thought this belongs here
*gestures at horses* Here are the stables. *gestures at other flickering and shaking horses. One horse explodes* And here are the unstables
I felt that this post and the crosspost belonged here
Hey kids! Get in here! We're playing Quake with a bunch of cows, and then watching a Disney live action remake about a legendary female warrior!
It's our Moo-LAN party!
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
Dad jokes are wonderful and here's why:
Why.
Dad jokes are amazing and heres why:
why
