Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
In these challenging times, I worry about the virus and keeping a roof over my head.
So I went and got the shingles vaccine.
A bus carrying tourists headed to see Elvis Presley’s Graceland has over turned. No one was injured
But they were all shook up.
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
A guy walks into a bar holding a hammer over his head.
"Ladies and Gentlemen" he yells!! "This is not a drill."
Are you seriously over the moon?
I have an irrational fear of over-designed buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
My wife told me she would bang my head off the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I don't believe heryhhxfukklo8764eh89kg4ghi9hde3yhoonib7v6c5x4xv9n8vx4&6c79b9n
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
After a bad diy project, a load of books fell on my head.
I have only my shelf to blame.
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
What do you call a red-headed ninja?
A ginja!
(Straight from my red-headed teacher who has this nickname from his in-laws)
My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.
I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Why couldn't the magician fit his top hat on his head?
Because his hare was too big.
I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
A person with no head or neck...
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.
I'm in the hospital now waiting to see a cardyologist.
What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight
One said, “your lookin at it!!” 💀
I saw a camel with two heads and one hump!
What happens when a Hogwarts student runs a marathon then trips and hits their head...
If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
What's the difference between a gymnast jaguar, and a meth-head mountain lion?
One is an acrobatic cat.
The other is a broke, addict cat.
What do you call a two weed-heads buying fruit?
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
What watches over a castle when the sun goes down?
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
One meth head asks another, “sooo... are we dating?”
The other responds, “no I thought we were just mething around.”
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My girlfriend left me over my obsession with Blink-182.
She said it was all the small things.
I've had M.C. Hammer music in my head so much today that's it's giving me a headache. I took 2 Tylenol, but....
What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?
That would be soda pressing.
A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.
This has left scientists scratching their heads l
Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
