He and She Puns

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"

A few minutes later she came back and my husband wasn’t paying attention so I said “give her another, dad.” And he responded with “what’s wrong with the dad she’s got?”

"Theraflu."

Wait, wrong sub.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

Me: $400 and 2 unread messages.

Rudolf the red knows rain, dear!

She reasoned, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."

"She was a great-grandma and a grandma."

Ending a sentence with a proposition.

She said "thank you, that means a lot"

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a nappy...

Umami.

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

I’d never met herbivore.

She didn't know how to handle a bison

The frog pulls out a small weird shaped item, made of ceramic. Ms. Black isn’t sure what to make of it, so she asks her manager. He takes one look at the item, and says, “Why that’s a knick knack Patty Black, give that frog a loan!”

“No. They all left!”

I replied that it didn't surprise me because she's been giving me a piece of it every day for last 30 years.

She seemed really excited until he picked up her box and walked away.

Now This raises more questions.

No matter what he said, she was going to stand firm

I said, "Because he didn't get anywhere with it."

So she can get her dad's yolks.

I said that can't be right because he still doesn't have any body with him.

I said soon he will be swimming on his back and cracking clams on his stomach.

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

She said, "Well, he didn't become a father until I was born."