This sub in a nutshell...

http://imgur.com/9E6GUv9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BummySugar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Hear about the midget with the 40lb balls that escaped the insane asylum?

He's half nuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamswalters
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Have you heard about the 100 lb midget with the 50 lb testicles?

He was half nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slideplayer67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2017
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Common theme with my dad that I now use

How far is it to XYZ?

Twice as long as half the distance.

How long until we get to ABC?

Twice as long as half the time it takes.

Drives my kids nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frizzlestick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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My dad got me at a football game yesterday, took a few seconds to click...

There was a famous ex-footballer called Tony Hazell who was doing a Q and A at half time. My dad turns to me and says, 'He's a bit of nut that guy.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/really_tall_guy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
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