The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
My friend broke his leg, so I wrote, "You're stupid " on his cast.
I was adding insult to injury
When the cast of Friends goes out on a boat, why does Phoebe always get put in charge of propulsion?
Because Lisa Kudrow (could row).
I just made that up yesterday at work after greeting a colleague with the same first name. Its original to me but feels obvious enough that I'm sure I'm not the first to think of it, especially after 20 years.
He can cast at a 4th grade level
The Beatles tried recording an alphabet song....
But never made it past the Letter B Letter B Letter B Letter B
(Sing it you know you want to!)
Where did Noah keep a record of his bees?
I bought a record player the other day, but it only plays Bach.
It would be nice if it played forward too.
The Beatles once recorded a song about a blue underwater vehicle.
I commissioned an artist to make me a set of letters of the alphabet out of cast iron.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
I like to collect records
It’s my decision and that’s vinyl!
For years I’ve been searching through record shops trying to find rare original U2 vinyls
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
Does Boy George have a criminal record?
No, he's a man without convictions.
I want to be buried with my record collection.
That would be my vinyl resting place.
After I went to the dentist, I went and recorded a gospel album. My mouth was still numb, so I was drooling the whole time.
The album's called "Songs of Salivation".
My underprivileged friend will only listen to the b side of his records.
It’s like he lives on the other side of the tracks.
People say I’m like a broken record
People say I’m like a broken record
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:
A cat got into the guiness world record book
I found an old vinyl record of insect sounds.
I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.
What is a necromancer's favourite word to use to cast a spell?
What do you call it when you catch a fish on every cast while deep sea fishing?
What did Capt. Ahab’s son write on his father’s cast?
Did I tell you guys about the side-hustle plan I came up with? I’m going to do personal training for the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
When Chris Hemsworth was cast by Marvel they gave him an exercise routine. When asked what he thought of it, he responded
I was Thor just thinking about it.
In light of his record with these mega-projects, Elon Musk's proposed new Miami-tunnel gives new meaning to the term
"car-pool tunnel syndrome."
I’ve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
I was arrested yesterday after neighbours complained about me playing Englebert Humperdink records all night
Police released me, let me go!
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other
You could see the punch line coming from a mile away
1 of the 2 women in my office has cast a spell on me...
I don't know which one is witch ?
What do rappers say when they finish recording?
My son was recording some audio for homework
Him: "Reasons that doing research underwater can be difficult include..."
Me (from my office): "the paper will get too wet!"
Him: "UGH!" stops and restarts recording
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
A guy on my street holds the world record for most concussions
He only lives a stone's throw away
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
Why did Led Zeppelin have record sales in China last year.
Because the government declared a rock down.
My mate broke his leg, so I wrote "You are stupid" on his cast.
I was just adding insult to injury.
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
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