HMS Diligent Puns

The Cabal Chief of the Ophidian Hit Cabal walked down the unmonitored and unused halls of the basement of the Stellar Assembly central building. He was 'Marines Hydra' or 'MI Hydra', the unofficial label of the strange love child of MI6 and the Defense Intelligence. The organization is very militant in nature compared to MI6 in part because it was a part of the department of defense, specializing in assassinations and occasionally showing their hand in actual warzones, plus the standard political subterfuge that MI6 does the legwork for. It was the embodiment of the idea of war, diplomacy, and intelligence being different heads of the same being, the enforcement of the UK's policy goals on other nations.

His armor, rated for void combat, was not of any standard military make. It was red and covered in a scale texture and pattern. The edges and details of the armor sections were chrome, and the shoulder plates that are usually just round strips of steel four inches wide to over the tops of the shoulders were two models of hydra heads instead. Serpents decorated other sections of armor as well, the silver snakes and hydras on his chest, knees, and forearms. The symbolism was on the nose, the hydra symbol openly stated how they operated and functioned. He was the chief of a Cabal, an autonomous unit capable of independent action and acts independently of the other Cabals. If one Cabal falls, the others remain unaffected and the MI Hydra will replace it with several new Cabals to counter the threat that could manage to snuff out one.

His Cabal was a hit squad, a unit specializing in assassination and if need be, forward operations in war. Today was partially for the former, a vocal alien leader was predicted to be a staunch opponent to future Human commerce and Human activity in the galaxy as a whole. The usual ideologue stuff driving that position. His other goal was to tend to one of the duties of a Cabal, recruitment and subversion. Last he heard, the Hydra Havoc Decimation Cabal has grown significantly from recruiting the more dissident former SA military members, those who had not had the best of time in the massive bureaucratic cogs of the SA. He had his sights on one Geldun who fit that description and has been growing more agitated as of late, and he was a former marksman as well, just what a Hit Cabal needs.

As the Cabal Chief neared the access point to the office of representative Silod, he activated the shadow shroud, which makes his armor almost

#CHECK THE BOTTOM FOR DETAILS

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

installment namba wan! this took longer than i had expected even with just 2 skins.. i hope all of you biscuit enthusiasts learn something about how her voice lines are pronounced. on top of more suggestions i will take in the comments, i’ve already got a small priorities list that i will work on over the next few days. i am also very open to constructive criticism on my formatting, please don’t feel shy.(i’m on mobile)

Self introduction: I am the Iron Blood battleship entrusted with the name Bismarck. Allow me to prove that Iron Blood engineering is the finest in the world, no matter the battlefield. Eager to see for yourself? romaji: Bisumaruku no na o azukaru tekketsu senkan ga kono watashi yo. Tekketsu-shiki no bōgyo to sōkō sekkei de, don'na senjō demo saikō no jitsuryoku o hakki shite miseru. Kitai shite mo ī wa yo?

Receive: Guten Tag, I am Bismarck. I have fought many foes on many fronts. You may call upon me whenever there is a problem. romaji: Guten Tag, watashi wa Bisumaruku. Teki to no sentō keiken'nara kekkō aru wa. Mondai areba watashi ni kiite kure

Log in: I look forward to working with you. romaji: Anata ni wa kitai shite iru wa yo

View Details: Is there something on my face? romaji: Watashinokao ni nanika tsuite iru no ka?

Main screen 1: Is there a problem? Perhaps my combat experience could prove useful? romaji: Komatteru? Watashi no sentō keiken de yakunitateru ka?

Main screen 2: "Operation Rheinübung?" I don't have fond memories of it... romaji: `Rain enshū' ka? Amari ī omoidede wa nai yō ne…

Main screen 3: Such a slovenly expression, Commander. Now! Lift your chin, puff out your chest, and let me see those eyes! Hut! romaji: Shiki-kan mada kedarui kao shite… sā, atama o agete, mune wa shanto,-me wa hakkiri! Yoshi!

Normal touch: Keep your hands to yourself. romaji: Hito o kiyasuku sawaranaide

Special touch: I... am not good at expressing myself. Please do not tease me on purpose... romaji: Watashi, kanjō hyōgen ga nigatena dake. Amari karakawanaide……

Mission reminder: Those who cannot finish their missions have no right to stand on the battleground. romaji: Ninmu mo konasenai ningen ni senjō ni deru shikaku wa nai wa.

Mission complete: I'm leaving the mission rewards over here... romaji: Hōshū wa koko ni oita wa yo……

Mail reminder: Be diligent about checking your mail. romaji: Atarashī mēru wa hayame ni kakunin shite

Return to port: You've done well. You've earned your rest. romaji: Otsukaresama, sukoshi yukkuri shite ī wa

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.