The sun was setting and I still hadn't gotten any phone numbers from the festival. I hadn't really planned on getting any, since the girls around here were pretty leery about guys from outside of here, but I figured since I'd be working in Amherst awhile, I might as well give it a shot. Beer in hand, buzzed as shit, and feeling good, I approached some coworkers I saw belly up at the bar.
"Hey fellas, what's up?"
One of them, Jack, turned to me and smiled. "We were about to take this party on the road. Me and some other guys from the engineering department are going to have a fire at my place. You should join us," he said, looking at the others.
"I'm in, definitely!" For the better part of the week, the rest of the department had pretty much iced me out. Maybe it was the booze talking, maybe they were done with the hazing bullshit, maybe it was just how wonderful my glorious pecs and biceps shone in the moonlight, but something was different about tonight that made them want to let me join in on the fun.
Let me tell you, I was about to find how just how different tonight was about to get.
20 minutes and 3 beers later, there's 6 of us in my bench seat pick up truck, blaring country music and downright flying down the backroads. Jack whips the steering wheel, damn near sending us flying out of the bed, and pulls into a long stone driveway up to his house. Describing Jacks' house is no challenge at all: it was a fucking dump, but it was the biggest dump I'd ever seen in my life. The place had to be as wide as 2 semi trucks are long, plus it went back further than I could even see. It had sharp steeple tops that jutted up from the rotting front entryway, which was lined with columns that looked almost chewed away, like there were chunks of concrete missing from them. The front door was damn near totally gone, revealing a quick peek of the first room of the place. The white paint had been peeling and molding and in its' place, algae had grown to fill the gaps. Like I said, it was a fucking dump.
"Dude what the fuck?!"
I jolted a little. One of the other guys broke the silence.
"Calm down, guys, calm down," Jack smirked. "Look, I just wanted to show the newbie around the town a little. What better place to start than here?"
"What the hell is this?" I asked. I was starting to get a little pissed off. They've spent all this time so far icing me out of all their fun and now, they rope me into some sort of bullshit tour? I just wanted to drink some beers,
... keep reading on reddit ➡=====Chapter 1=====
The door that led back outside was gone. In fact, come to think of it, the other door that was in the lobby was also gone. Instead, the walls were lined with open hallways with small wrought iron gates hanging from their rusty hinges. The only sound made came from the blood pulsating through my ears, a literal deafening silence. I couldn't hear a goddman thing, because there wasn't anything to hear. I mean with trees and whatnot, you'd expect the sound of cicadas or even just flies, but there was nothing. The only sign of life were the fresh little footprints that are right in front of me.
In the time I had been standing still and looking around the room, more footprints had appeared. I caught my breath in my throat. I could feel my throat tense up, like little fingers pressing on my windpipe. How can there be more footprints when I didn't move? How could I not have noticed something walking right past me?
I dropped to my knees, still unable to breathe easy. My throat closed tighter and tighter and my fight for air started to become futile. I felt my head get heavy and my hand drop into the dirt when I grabbed at my neck.
I felt tiny bony fingers beneath mine.
It wasn't my panic. It wasn't the physiological response to my uncomfortable fear. It wasn't fucking anxiety or depression. These were real, tiny, sharp, cold fingers that dug into my neck and squeezed, scraping my skin.
"Shhhh. Shhhhhh." A small, childish voice said. "They'll find you."
Before I could say anything back, the grip doubled up and my eyes went dark.
I awoke to the feeling of little eyes on me, close enough that the mouth they must've been attached to was breathing on my skin. The unsettling pitter patter of feet left the room and returned hurriedly, over and over, as if they were playing with me. I wasn't ready to open my eyes yet. Not by any means. Keeping them shut was my safety for now. I couldn't tell if what captured me had anything to do with what had chased me into the Jungle Room in the first place.
"I know that you're awake." The little child voice said again. "Your eyelids shake more when you're actually asleep."
I sat up. The voice was coming from right in front of me, but there wasn't anyone or anything there when I opened my eyes. I wondered if maybe the child was hiding somewhere, but where? There was a desk, a bedside nightstand and a rug. Just then, I looked
... keep reading on reddit ➡ My husband and I always got into the supernatural, things beyond this world. We traveled to many places doing this throughout the years before we actually married. It was more then a little hobby for us, it fascinated us.
We went to a place not far from our own home actually, 2 hours and 20 minutes away. Gore Orphanage, Ohio. we did our research, a lot of mixed stories on if it's in fact a myth. We talk to a few locals who also had many mixed stories, some would say 'In the 1800's Gore orphanage burnt to the ground one night killing over 100 children. Other stories were ' There was a orphanage there but the people who ran it came upon hard times and the orphanage was closed, a family moved in with their 4 children and the 4 children died of diphtheria after moving in. The parents were known to do practice witchcraft and speaking with the dead'
So we decided to investigate for ourselves. Making sure we found the exact location 3 sited are said to be 'haunted'. The 'heart beat' bridge, where if you turn off your car and listen silently on the bridge, you can hear a loud hearbeat and screams of children. Second spot is the field next to the ' orphanage', this is where many people have said they have seen confused children, wondering in the field, as if they were out of place 'lost' etc. and the last place the spot where the orphanage sat. A large sand stone pillar still standing in the woods where this orphanage once stood.
We get there around 5p.m, we get out stretch and make our way into the field. It was a normal field. We walk the path that leads to the heart beat bridge, 'what if it only works if you're in your car?' I asked my boyfriend (we weren't married yet), 'Um im not sure?' I don't think the ghosts if any are here care what we are in. I laughed. We could see the bridge by now, a small wooden bridge painted green and sun damaged, with graffiti all over it. Nothing special. We walked on the bridge, wooden planks creaked below us. 'Is this thing going to hold' I asked, my boyfriend calmly said, 'If it holds cars we're fine' I looked down it was pretty far up, 'ok let's listen' I said. So we did, you could hear the birds, the water, everything it was actually peaceful, and then it was like someone hit the mute button. I thought it was just me until my husband snapped his finger while looking at me strangely. 'Why did it go so quiet?' I was completely still, i froze above my husbands head the view above it was a hill
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Amy
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
