It’s good music
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guzforster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Why do electricians make good music ?

They always have an extension chord

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Why did the music thief get such good grades?

He was really good at taking notes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BermudaRhombus1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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What is common between a boxer, a successful music producer and a good fisherman

The right hook.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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I wrote some good books about music. What pisses me off is that...

...nobody wants to rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaSmurfCRO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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My Wife told me about the Prague Philharmonic Orchestra, apparently they have good Christmas music

I told her I will Czech them out once December comes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kellythejellyman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I'm not good at playing music...

It has never really been my forte.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dcfc29
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2013
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Why isn't North Korean music very good?

It's got no Seoul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natteulven
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2016
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I caught my son chewing on electrical cords

So I had to ground him...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Le_Canard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But no, it only made him more sluggish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notaninfringement
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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I'm glad I'm good at making musical puns

Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFistHawlucha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Give me music puns!

I bought some guitar picks for my partner's belated bday and I want to have some musical puns engraved on them. I don't know enough about music to do a good job. I need puns that play on musical theory or musical notes, method, whatever... Anything that's more clever than "I pick you", which I think is cute but also underwhelming. These are guitar picks though, so short and simple are best. NSFW acceptable. PLE ASE HALP!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/og_cosmosis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Idk if it's been here before
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?

Sir Anwrap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_without_wax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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What is a pirates favourite musical note?

The high C.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rimjobsarentbad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Music puns are an acquired taste
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bored_Blod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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The double pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryyi23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Dad joked my girl friend when she lost her phone, it has a Beyonce case on it

Me: Do you want me to call it?

Her: It is on silent

Me: If you like it you should have put a ring on it

Her: Fuck you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_var_log_messages
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Beethoven's grave has been eerily playing music the last few days.

The cemetery keeper has told people not to worry, he's just decomposing.

EDIT down-voting because you can't Handel this level of humor is a crime against humanity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blu186
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
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My wife has banned dad jokes in our house

So I have to stand outside and shout them in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catfightonahotdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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So my girlfriend is learning violin....

Her "I've started learning sheet music"

Me "Why learn sheet music? Why not good music?"

She proceeded to leave the room groaning

Edit: spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gillix98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, β€œI bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.

What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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A dadjoke while drinking

I was sitting with Friends, having fun conversations, listening to nice music and having some drinks. One guy was offerted some good whisky, but declined, because, as he said, if he was gonna drink whisky he would get sick.

With a Grand Smirk on my face, I said "Oh, so you would say it is a... 'whisky' move"

After which four beautiful groans were loudly heard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuizZ_018
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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I need to think of a good pun for a club!

So originally the club was named "Fiddle Club" but the students wanted to change the name. Basically, it's a club where you play musics with violins. Because I love puns, I'm asking you (redditors) to think of a creative, original, good pun-used title for the club. My 2 horrible puns are (that are never going to get picked) are: Fiddle Castro and What's with the violins (violence, violins hahaha).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatoing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2013
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I'm a better musician than I am a fisherman.

"Mind helping me clean these bluegill?"

"No problemo!"

"Ya know, nephew... all your time devoted to music paid off because you are really good at handling scales."

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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Surprised I wasn't fired for this one...

I work in a small office and control the music via my phone. An obscure track from "The Who" started playing...

Boss: "Who is this?"

Me: "Yes."

Boss: "It's [Yes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes_(band)?"

Me: "No."

Boss: "Well who is it?"

Me: "Yes."

I let it go two complete loops. Thank goodness he has a sense of humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FidlerBD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Got my mom with this an hour ago.

She and I were catching up, and the topic turned to my dad.

Mom: "Yeah, your dad is good, playing a lot of music. Actually one of his bands is coming by tonight."

Me: "Who's he playing with?"

Mom: "Mark, Tom, and Bill.....actually he has like 5 Bills he jams with."

Me: "Do they make money?"

Mom: "They jam mostly for fun."

Me: "So my dad has 5 unpaid Bills."

Mom: sigh....

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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One of my dad's all time favorites.

Why are music and candy the same?

Because you keep the good stuff and throw away the wrapper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunshineBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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Dad Joke on the road

Driving down the freeway with my sisters in the car.

I asked, "Hey, you guys like Country music, right?"

"Yes," they responded.

"Good, because we just happen to be driving behind..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avast7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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I guess I really am my dad's son.

Dad: "My friend is doing a phd in violin studies." Me: "Oh a violin doctor? Yeah he'll get some good connections and be able to pull a few strings." Dad: "Yeah but only if he is a well-tuned doctor, and is able to work in harmony with others." Dad: "Only then will his treatment be sweet music to the ears."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hookahbeard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
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Dadjoked my friends at a house party.

My friend was having a house party with about 15-20 of our group of friends. The music was pumping everyone was drunk , hyper and we were all in her living room having a great time. On top of the fireplace was this little elephant ornament.

So I gathered everyone around, turned the music off and made a big deal of making it seem like I had something really important to say. I completely killed the mood but all in the name of a good joke, amiright? I say, with as straight a face as I can manage, "Listen, I know we're all friends here but I think its time we all talk about the elephant in the room... It's right over there on the fireplace".

Cue groans and a few laughs. Mostly groans though... So worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/googitygig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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I'm so proud

While playing shovel knight with my 7 year old son, he turns to me with a huge smile on his face and says, "I'm really digging this music." So I reply "yeah it is good." "No dad. I'm DIGGING it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jodosh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2015
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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Dadjoked my mom

Played a music piece by Clint Mansell in the car with my mom.

Mom: This song is good for mourning.

Me: No it's good for nights too.

Mom: eyeroll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xooxxxooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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While waiting at a red light---

Dad was working in my town for the weekend and we met up for ice cream. I had walked so he was driving me home and at the red light a car next to us with a bunch of teenagers in it. The music was so loud we had trouble hearing each other in the car and the base was turned up to the point where you could feel your skin vibrate.

Dad just turns to me and shouts-- This song is really good! But I'd really like to hear the treble part too

cue groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagnythedoodle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2015
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While listening to Pandora, dad dropped this one.

We were playing Scrabble and my father asked if I could get music on my phone. I pull up Pandora and after a few songs I ask if he'd like any more influences because all it played was Chris Cornell and his few bands. He told me to add The Doors to it. Few songs later, The Who started playing. He proceeded with "Who came through The Doors?" and he laughed at his joke for a good minute or two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFakeSpiderman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
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Time to get a little wired

Friend on facebook: Anybody really good at composing melodies for chamber music?

Me: Sorry, I don't really have a good Handel on that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warfangle
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
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My Easter/Moses/Passover dad joke

I stepped out of the shower and my girlfriend was watching The Prince of Egypt, an animated movie about Moses. A musical number is about to begin and she tells me, "Good, you're about to see the best part! Moses found out he's Jewish and he's in denial."

"Why'd he get back in the Nile?" I said. She gave me a confused look followed by a disappointed sigh. Her underlying hatred of me grows with every dad joke. Had to share it with you guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzacat666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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I'm glad I'm good at making musical puns

Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFistHawlucha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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