A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
I told the dentist my teeth were hurting so he told me to go home and drink some Whiskey
So I gave it a shot
As a doctor, whenever I hear someone crying from the waiting room that they want to get a lollipop and go home, I think to myself
They must be a little patient.
My dad drinks too much at parties and starts yelling racial epithets and my mom rushes to get him to go home...
She knows it's time to leave when he starts slurring his words.
My wife asked me, “Could you go to the store and buy one gallon of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.” When I came home with 6 gallons of milk, she shrieked, “Why in the world did you buy 6 gallons of milk!?”
I replied, “They had avocados.”
On the 31st of December whilst leaving home to go to a New Years Party, your dad says ...
See you next year
Why did the shopper have to go home after getting into a fight over clothes on Black Friday?
Because she got socked in the face.
After a long trip back home, my mother announced “If anyone has to go to the restroom, go now.” And I continued:
“Or forever hold your pee!”
After we had our baby the Nurse was like “before you go home you have to watch the video about shaken babies
I told her, no need. I already know how to shake them.
After riding bicycles with my dad all morning, he had to go home and rest.
Because he was two tired
Where do ultra conservative Muslims go to buy trinkets, crafts, and home goods?
Wahhabi Lobby
Network Engineer. Stuck at work monitoring the help desk so everyone else can go home early for the holiday. Watching The Godfather. imgur.com/VKpoxpm
My dad had to go home because he was "elbow deep" in ants. imgur.com/jt5dJFp
Where does a ghost go after it's been exorcised from a home?
It joins the IRS and begins repossessing houses
(My first attempt at a Dad joke)
Told my boss that I had to go home because I was too tired...
http://imgur.com/a/oJs9s
Where does Buzz Lightyear go for his home furnishings?
To Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!
My Dad makes this home every time we go out for Chinese food
Me: "I'll have a wonton soup please." Dad to waitress: " Wonton? That seems pretty heavy you think you can carry that out here? Brother: "And I'll have a wonton also." Dad: "Two tons? Wow."
