A list of puns related to "Get Involved"
Because Elon-gate will go on forever.
...love means nothing to them.
Nothing. They look down on that kind of thing.
He replied "WHO let the dogs out."
"Who?"
"WHO"
"Who???"
"WHO"
I'll show myself out.
She really jumped into the Frey.
Hugh Jefferts has a lot to answer for.
... so they were holding a "nun run".
Me: I sure hope no one trips and starts a big pileup of nuns.
Dad: Oh?
Me: Yea, that'd be a total cloisterfuck.
It really is a riot.
It has really put a toll in our relationship
Elongate.
But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.
On reflection though, I don’t knead to as it would be seedy, half baked, would get me rolled, wouldn’t involve me using my loaf and would leave me open to all sort of bread based buns...
Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)
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Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,
Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.
Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.
So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.
Answer these 3 questions in your reply:
Only apply if:
We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:
Don't apply if:
We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.
Would that be a recipe for disaster?
Would Greece get involved?
He heard there was a lot of scratching involved.
I just texted this to my wife, and she told me to get away from her. xD
I came up with this one as I was looking at my son's mouse pad he got for christmas. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DGXR859/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.
The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.
Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"
I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.
My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.
I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"
He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"
The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.
me: only if she’s american because i don’t get involved in foreign affairs
I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.
My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.
Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that “they were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.
This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.
By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm
... keep reading on reddit ➡A man gets a new job at the zoo.
On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.
"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"
The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.
After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.
Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.
He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.
A pair of eyes lock with his.
It moves closer.
He knows this is it.
He begins to pray.
Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!
It leans in close.
He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth
He can smell the lion's breath
It opens it's mouth
And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.
"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."
While we were working together, I passed some gas. This conversation immediately followed:
Dad: Did you say something?
Me: No, but there is an asshole behind me talking shit.
Apparently he had never heard this joke, and he couldn't stop laughing for a good minute. It's usually pretty hard to get him to laugh. But we both love lame jokes and it really surprised me he has never heard it.
I know it's probably not a dad joke per se, but Dad/Grandfather to my child was involved so it should still count.
TLDR: farted and said "there's an asshole behind me talking shit"
I didn't want her getting involved in a shady business.
I would like to combine a Bowie song lyric/title and a business involving cakes and flowers but I am really bad at puns. If I could get some help that would be awesome. I mostly would like the pun to revolve around cake, but if it could include that and flowers that would be amazing.
Also awesome: David Bowie song titles/lyrics that are already applicable (i.e. "Sweet Thing")
I'm super awful at puns so any and all attempts are much appreciated!
Here are two of my dad's funniest (most memorable) moments while out to eat...
About five years ago, my ex-boyfriend and I went out for Valentine's Day with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about my brother's ex-fiancee when...
Ex: "Oh, so you guys don't like her?"
Dad: "No, but that's alright, we don't really like [K's] boyfriend all that much either."
Needless to say, it wasn't as funny at the time...
Then about a few months ago, with my current boyfriend, we went out to eat with some family friends. At the time, my boyfriend was employed at an A/C company doing Chinese drywall and was talking with two of the men employed in other construction trades.
Family Friend: "Don't get involved in concrete. Or Construction. Better yet, stay out of anything that begins with a C."
Dad (from the other side of the table): "You better stay out of anything that starts with a K, too."
It's even more ironic considering I happen to have one of those names that's commonly spelled with a C, but my parents decided to spell with a K. But as mortified as my boyfriend was, I have to give it to my dad, that one was pretty damn funny.
Basically she was on her rags and decided to have a go at me because of something really tiny, I think I left some juice on the bench or something, but instead of getting involved in an argument I waited for the perfect moment. So out of nowhere came this glorious comment.
"honey I think you are just Ovary-Acting".
she just looked at me like she was so done with my shit
John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.
Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.
It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:
> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a judge conference in the Davison Center, and we thought that we'd do something special for you. We met up in the Grapefruit Room and all worked together to draw this. We hope you enjoy it! > > Your friends
Now, John had been to D.C. a few times, and knew about the Davison Centre. It was renowned for its very offbeat architecture. The Grapefruit Room was one of the weirdest: it had been constructed by taking a world-record grapefruit, carving out the flesh, and preserving the rind. The result was a walk-in fruit, and it always smelled of citrus.
It took John a while to work out the significance of the gift, but when he realized it, he was overjoyed. His good friends had seen fit to grant him a stave judge-men penned in a peel.
My dad's an insurance lawyer and loves telling me about the whacky incidents he comes across in his dealings. His favourite story is the case involving a woman who fell getting into an uneven elevator. In discovery, he began questioning the elevator manufacturer by saying: "So, how's the elevator business? Up and down?"
So a co-worker of mine brought up the topic of euthanasia and what we thought about it and here's how the conversation went:
Co-worker: "So what do you think about euthanasia especially involving really young kids?"
Me: "I mean, I think it's awful, they get paid like 5 cents a day, the working conditions are deplorable, it really keeps me up at night."
after a few confused looks by everyone my co-worker replies:
Co-worker: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Me: "I thought you wanted to know what I thought about the youth in Asia?"
The groans were so rewarding.
E: formatting
She was playing a facebook game that involves evolving and leveling up dragons and complained that she wasn't getting a good score.
Me: "Maybe you need to train your dragon..." Daughter: "How do I Train my dragons?" Me: "There's a movie all about it on Netflix" Daughter: <....Disgusted>
Used to be on ITV if my memory serves me correctly. One of the pieces involved going up to random shoppers at the mall and trying to get them to eat sheep testicles. The host approached a foreign looking chap and asked "are you peckish?" to which he answered "no, I'm Turkish".
Me: I don't really like curling
Dad: You've gotta get the hang of it. It involves a lot of strategy. It's like chess.
Me: I don't really like chess either.
Dad: Well that's cause there's no mouse or toggle switch involved.
Me: Dad what's a toggle switch?
Dad: Not a toggle switch... Uh... What are those things called...
Me: Joysticks?
Dad: Yeah joysticks.
Me: Dad people don't use joysticks anymore.
Dad: So that's why people are so miserable all the time.
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