My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
Whats the name of a crime series filmed on a sunny japanese island?
Kawaii five-o
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
...I have reported it misting.
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal.
I'm thinking about going into day trading. If anyone is interested, hit me up.
I have a Monday or Wednesday I can trade you for an extra Saturday or Sunday.
Endgame Joke
>!At the end of the film, Tony Says "I am Ironman"!<
>!The line should have been "Hi Inevitable, I'm Dad"!<
You shouldn't watch any horror movies today
It May, Fri 10 you.
I finally figured out why Trump loves coal
He's obsessed with miners!
I'm going to this year's Fibonacci Convention.
It will be as big as the last two put together.
Did you know optometrists live longer?
They dilate
The Controller Battery Mattery
Friend's controller dies mid-game during our first round in a Halo party.
Friend: I just got this controller with batteries in it, but I guess the batteries are dead.
Me: So, would you say you got it... Free of Charge?
Friend: GTFO
