G Book Puns

Because it was booked.

-My Pops

I think I'll write a book about it

Stumbled upon these books and thought this would be the spot to share. Here are the titles available:

Rusty Bed Spring by I.P. Knightley

Bubbles in the Bath by Ivor Windybottom

Big Fart by Hugh Jass

Complete Protologist Handbook by Ben Dover

Caulking Made Easy by Phil McKrevis

Series of Books

I got the other Dickens’ books though.

My husband is notorious for cheesy dad jokes, it’s how he won me over. I’m not pregnant yet, but I am a planner. I want to tell him we’re expecting with a punchline of a dad joke and I even got him his very own ‘Dad Joke Book’.

What would be a good joke let him know the good news? I want to be able to get him like he’s gotten me over the past few years.

"Write about a little tree whose roots are in books but was stumped about what to write about. So she branches out and picks up poe-tree".

I personally think I nailed it. She was not amused.

I ordered the book "How to scam people online" for Christmas and it still hasn't arrived.

Wife: is the book you were reading a paperback or hardcover?

Daughter: it's a paperback, AND a paper front

It was completely booked

I don’t know how many people know this but there is an Instagram account (dadsaysjokes) that literally copies and pastes the jokes posted here. Even the typos.

They have a book. So if you posted an original joke here someone else is profiting from it.

Ya ya I know this is the internet yadda yadda yadda. I just didn’t know how many people were aware

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and settles down to study a book. "What are you reading?" the bartender asks. "It's a guide to learning to speak Russian," the guy replies. "I've been studying hard because I really want to get fluent." "Well good for you. What made you decide to learn Russian?" the bartender asks. "Well the wife and I just adopted a baby from Russia," the guy replies. "And I figure he's going to start talking in about a year, and we just want to be able to understand him."

I thought that's a turn up for the books

Said the frog, as the librarian handed him yet another book.

She's gonna love the book I bought her about the meaning of dreams.

Best dam book I've ever read

Just take a leaf out of Bear Grylls’ book.

The FBI charged her with weapons of math instruction.

They really threw the book at her…

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, I had an interesting drink the other day at that cafe down the street," he tells the bartender. "It was a tea made by steeping a book in hot water." "How was it?" the bartender asks. "It was okay, but I probably won't have it again," the guy says. "It was just a novelty."

I was feeling down because I didn't know how to build it, so they gave me a shelf help book

It's a phone book, but I'm still very proud of it.

To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.

"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."

“Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."

“Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."

“Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."

“Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."

They were fully booked.

…when they come upon a camp with two men, one at a typewriter, the other pursuing a magazine.

Father bear looks to his son and says, “See the man clacking away at the machine? You never eat them. However, the man with his nose in the book would make a perfect meal.”

Curious the son asks “Why?”

“We’ll it’s simple, son. Writers cramp, but readers digest.”

My mum was showing me some pictures of a meal she prepared from a cook book (tuna stuffed peppers for the curious out there).

I asked "what did you eat that with?" and quick as you like, my dad pipes up and says "knife and fork".

You got me dad. Top work!

It was fully booked

When she came to the register I asked her, “Are you an overdue book? ‘Cause you have fine written all over you”.

To get to the library.

What did the chicken ask for at the library?

Book Book

When discussing book club suggestions with her friend the frog what did the frog say?

Reddit

Looking for inspiration the chicken went to the book store staffed by young birds.

Everything was cheap cheap

"I've got a lot of problems."

The chemistry book replies, "and I have solutions."

The footnotes... Toe-tally amazing! The author nailed it. I’m head over heels about this book and that’s no small feet.

Via my 9yo: "Hey dad, what do you call a belt made of watches? A 'waist' of time.'"

An old one but a good one. He seemed to pull that out of the blue which fueled my pride, instead of reading it in a book or hearing it from a show. Lol

In my book group the other day we were talking about overseas travel.

One guy had been to Australia years ago. “What’s the name of that big rock in the middle of the continent?” he asked. Somebody said, Ayers Rock.

“Yeah, that’s it.” he said. “I climbed it.”

“Wow, you climbed Ayers Rock?”

“Yeah, but they don’t let you do that any more.”

I piped right up: “Climb-it change.”

Loud groans and shaking heads all around. Dad joke accomplished.

Now we scroll through books on tablets.

“Hey, girls; I was reading the book of Numbers and realized I didn’t have yours!”

I went to the bookstore and saw a book called;
'How to solve 50% of your problems. '
I bought two.

Book it.

I need my vax-in-nation certificate to book some flights

A Grimm book.

They follow the rules by the book

A disgruntled-looking wizard walks into a bar, flings down a book, and orders a drink. "What's wrong with you?" the bartender asks. "It's this stupid Book of Incantations that I bought online," the wizard mutters. "It's completely useless. The author clearly forgot to run a spell check.

Turns out you shouldn't book a judge for her cover.

So me, my mom, my dad, and my sister Annie we're in church and they had just put new book covers on all the bibles. Just those like plasticky slick cellophane ones, nothing fancy. But at one point we were standing there singing one of the hymns and the guy behind us just getting into it, he's a great singer and all but he swung his hand and I guess his palms were sweating because one of those thick old books with the lyrics flew out of his hand and railed my sister in the side of the head. And I leaned over and said "are you okay Annie? You've been struck by a smooth hymnal"

It was the best dam book I have ever read.