Brining pickles makes them last much longer than fresh cucumbers, but packing them in air-tight containers…

That's what really seals the dill.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you let the air out of tires, is it fresh air or tired air?

From my friend and former coworker Jim. The "king" of dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaVortex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever it rained in Bel-Air, the Fresh Prince would leave fresh prints.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingharvey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for Fresh Prints.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
3 moles are digging their way out of prison.

The first mole says β€œI can smell the clean air and grass! We’re almost there!”

The second mole says β€œI can smell the fresh wet dirt! We’re almost there!”

The third mole says β€œReally? All I can smell is molasses.”

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chloeruel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about new Oxygen mints?

They’re a breath of fresh air.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditemptionTY
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,

"So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/picard47at
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.

It truly was a breath of fresh air.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pvtsoab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
So I messed up my chemistry lab the other day and had way to much O2 as a byproduct

But to be honest, it was a breath of fresh air.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxStupidBusxX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Deja Moo

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)


Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.


In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.


When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.


I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!


I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.


Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCasey412
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Will Smith has a new art exhibition opening

It's called the Fresh Prints of Bel Air.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drakesfjord
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Will Smith has a new show about forensics

Fresh Prints of Bel Air

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rory__Williams
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.