A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
Dad: This survey says it will give me a free iphone
Son: Don't trust it, it's probably a scam.
Dad: I don't buy it.
Someone told me that on your cake day you get free karma.
My Ma: I'm not buying you a car.
"excuse me, is this sugar free?"
Cashier: No. You have to pay for it.
My roofer surprised me and replaced my roof for free.
He said it was on the house.
Me and my dad went fishing and didn’t lose any gear. However we found a free net.
I guess you could say it was a net gain
Based on a true story
My local government sent me some free, emergency toilet paper in the mail!
They called it a "Jury Summons."
The man at the register offered me some free Mentos
I said "No thanks, I prefer women toes."
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con...
The waiter said to me, “I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.”
I exclaimed, “Good! I’ll take a water and some chicken nuggets and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar
Does anyone here want a free iPhone 11? If so, contact me.
We can then talk about how we both want a free iPhone.
I smooth talked a librarian into giving me a bunch of free books.
I have a friend who told me he collects large ancient Greek instruments in his free time
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.
I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.
My wife got so mad at me when I brought home cage-free chicken eggs
All the chickens were following me to get their eggs back
I work in a nursing home. A diabetic schizophrenic I always give sugar free life savers to just said, "You haven't brought me any damn candy all day!" I replied, " I just got here, you need to be patient."
She said,"I am a damn patient!!"
Let me give you a free piece of advice:
You get what you pay for.
Someone offered me a free trip to Egypt if I get five people under me to also signup.
My friend told me he got free backstage passes to see ZZ Top.
My first thought was how how how how?
My gym buddy told me he’s going dairy-free.
When I asked if he could still have his favorite protein supplement on his diet, he said, “Unfortunately, there’s no whey.”
My son asked me if I was free this weekend.
I said that I wasn't, but that I am on discount on weekdays.
A friend of mine told me how she only buys cage-free eggs.
Honestly, I don't know why they bothered putting eggs in cages in the first place...
Someone offered to give me a free radio once, but the volume was stuck on the highest setting.
The Waiter told me "All of our chicken is free-range"
And I replied "He doesn't look very free there on that plate"
Guy tells me he gets FREE chiropractic care.
I told him that sounds pretty shifty.
I asked my dentist for a buy-one, get-one free deal for me and my wife.
I asked him for a tooth-for-one deal.
Free air guitar to first person to contact me
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