We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
I was kinda scared and shocked when I saw an escalator for the first time today.
So I just stopped and staired
What did han solo say after he tasted wookiee for the first time?
Not bad but a little chewie
I recently watched "Nosferatu" for the first time. Interesting. Now, I'm checking out "Nosfera 2: New Berlin-ings".
I tried finger food for the first time
Luckily I only used five so I could still hold it
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
Meat Grown in Space for the First Time Ever
We went to a new market today for the first time. Dad was very impressed.
He said, “You’re telling me a flea runs this market?!”
I got to pour cement for the first time today.
The results were pretty concrete.
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
What happened when Einstein smoked pot for the first time?
Mankind attained its highest form of intelligence.
I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
Have you heard the Lego store is open for the first time since the COVID shutdown?
They're lining up for blocks.
Did I do this right? I tried to do a name pun for the first time
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time
Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination
So I told my friend I was gonna watch Cars for the first time and he told me how it ends.
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, why was R2D2 so dirty?" Puzzled, I asked him what he meant.
He replied, "Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!"
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
My family ate thresher shark for the first time yesterday. My dad took a bite and said
Look at me!!! A man eating shark!!!
I cut my own hair for the first time the other day. At first, I thought I did a poor job of it...
...but it's really starting to grow on me.
What do cows do when they meet for the first time?
Give each other a milk shake.
Watched a movie in 1440p for the first time yesterday.
It was my new year's resolution.
How did the dagger feel after exercising for the first time in a long while?
I experience winter for the first time in 26 years, and i have to say
My son tried coffee for the first time today and said it tasted like dirt
I told him "It was just ground this morning."
I just had my chimney inspected for the first time.
They said it has the flu.
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…
"Well son, just take away their little brooms."
Took my son to a ranch for the first time, he never heard a foal neigh before and thought it was sick.
I told him it was just a little horse.
A son and his father go fishing together for the first time.
Son: how do I catch a fish?
Dad: Easy, just throw this clickbait into the water.
Son: Got it, what’s next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you.
A blind and deaf man listens to braille music for the first time.
He says: “This shit bumps!”
I rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks until I can use my ankle again.
I tried an electronic powered oven for the first time the other day
Just seen a real bear claw for the first time ever,
Those donught shops been ripping me off for years
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K for the first time?
I went hunting for the first time ever last week.
The only thing I managed to shoot was a feral cat. Great shot though, tore the thing in half and the front half was nowhere to be seen. Filled with pride, I picked up the feline's hind quarters and thought I'd have a go at taxidermy to make a plaque for above the mantle. What a catastrophe.
For the first time in their lives.
All blind people can read in 2020
Hear about the guy who tried autoerotic asphyxiation for the first time?
He said it was a noose sensation
I'm writing a musical about a redneck from Tulsa who discovers feminism for the first time.
I'm calling it Wokelahoma!
If a new Dad manages to capture video of their child breastfeeding for the first time, is it okay for them to title that video
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher said that I should be tenor.
Ten or twenty feet away from her at all times.
I just rolled a joint for the first time in my life.
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
What did the blind man say when he listened to Braille music for the first time?
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher suggested that I should be tenor.
Ten or twelve feet away from her at all times.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
