Football at the 2018 Mediterranean Games Puns

'They'd do better playing in a field,' he suggested.

Turns out there was a face off in the corner.

They went into ogre time.

Cup of soup or bowl

I was immediately kicked out.

I’m on a streak...

It was the fall of the roamin' umpire.

MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"

GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"

We decided to visit the Paul. W Bryant Museum before the game. The museum is essentially just a building full of the history of Alabama college football including National Championship trophies and all that. I happened to notice that there were lots of Tennessee fans walking around the museum as well which seemed a bit odd to me.

Me: Dad, why are there so many Tennessee fans walking around in here? It seems strange.

Dad: Well son, they want to see what a trophy looks like.

Dad: "Given the time of year, you'd think they'd be fall rolls."

...

that way you won't take any fall damage.

Stand next to a fan

They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.

My aunt told my dad she had hot pockets in her gloves to keep her hands warm. My dad wittily replied, "Ooh I love Hot Pockets! What flavor do you have, pepperoni or sausage??"

Because he was a common-tater.

"Did you see the flyover?"

"No, there wasn't one today."

"Yeah there was, it was those stealth planes!"

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

It's zero to zero !

Ubisoft

There was a famous ex-footballer called Tony Hazell who was doing a Q and A at half time. My dad turns to me and says, 'He's a bit of nut that guy.'

Dead center.

I only have my shelf to blame!

Knead for speed

because there are too many cheetahs.

He told me he "saw orange vented".

I was at a football game yesterday with an old roommate when I accidentally hit him with my towel.

He turned to me and said "You hit me with your towel!"

"Yeah... and?"

"I shall retowliate!"

The death was listed as “organ failure”

We were watching the Patriots/Falcons game, which had a ton of fog in the stadium obscuring camera views, when I dropped this one:

“It’s weird that the fog is still there when the stadium is full of fans.”

I think it was Thierry on Wii

He was a horrible commentater.

“Sir, if you want to get ruff, we can take this to the barking lot.”

My son was playing with a fly. It’s wings were messed up so it couldn’t fly away. He was holding it and said, “Daddy, this fly’s wings are broke.” I said, “then it’s not a fly, it’s a walk.”

I got utter silence from the people around me, though my daughter giggled a little.

A flag was thrown for un-sportsman like conduct on the coach of one team

Announcer 1: It did't look like the the coach did anything to get the flag thrown.

Announcer 2: But we couldn't hear the language that was being used by the coach, that could have drawn the foul.

Announcer 1: I believe the coach was using english.

I laughed hysterically.

Edit: formating

I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.

He got kicked in the ghoulies.

Cheap skates

... I told her "Ask Lance Armstrong."

I was watching the Seattle Seahawks play against the Green Bay Packers tonight, and Derrick Coleman was shown on TV. I turned to my dad, "That's the deaf football player, right?"

Him "Huh?"

Me "That football player is deaf, right?"

Him " What?" As he held his hand up to his ear.

God damn it dad.

Stand next to a fan