My friend looked at a rainbow flag and asked "What country is that?"
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 24 2021
One of the best things about living in Switzerland is its flag
π︎ 30
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︎ Oct 05 2021
What do you call a thief on a WWII British flag ship?
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 29 2021
When I was a single man, I had loads of free time.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
π︎ 7k
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︎ Jan 25 2022
I'm sick of you guys posting dumb wordplay in here for awards and upvotes.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jan 21 2022
Girlfriend got me good. Never been more proud of her.
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jan 29 2022
My wife left me because I couldnβt stop doing impressions of pasta
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jan 23 2022
My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jan 20 2022
Three puns in one image
π︎ 454
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︎ Jan 17 2022
Did you know all dogs are made up of only 3 elements?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 25 2022
My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight.
Until he discovered it was extra sharp.
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 28 2022
I am thinking of moving to Switzerland, I hear the social benefits are really great.
Their cool looking flag is a really big plus, too
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 15 2022
Everyone is bringing cheese to this party, and we're putting little flags in them.
Mine has a pirate flag because it's stolen.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 26 2021
I have a fear of overly intricate buildings...
I have a complex complex complex.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jan 27 2022
The 4 Horsemen of AGasCar
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 24 2022
I need some special clothes. My extended family is having a little get-together for Flag Day this year.
The attire is semaphormal.
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 15 2021
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.
There were a lot of red flags.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 19 2021
Have you heard about that new fad of skydiving without a parachute?
Itβs a once in a lifetime opportunity.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 27 2022
My wife said, βI can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.
I replied, βThatβs 15 love.β
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 25 2022
What's the opposite of a croissant?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 09 2022
There are 10 kinds of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who donβt.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jan 17 2022
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
βWell, itβs a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York Strip dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.β
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
βAh, no thanks. The steaks are too high.β
βββ
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Jan 25 2022
Why is 6 afraid of 7 (this punchline is actually different)?
π︎ 6k
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︎ Dec 31 2021
My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ?
A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now!
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jan 12 2022
Iβm sick of all NSEW jokes on here
I think itβs time to move in a new direction.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 16 2021
I only believe in a God 12.5% of the time
Because Iβm an eighth-theist
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 22 2022
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
π︎ 927
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︎ Jan 23 2022
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 16 2021
Netflix is releasing a movie about the inventor of the tampon
π︎ 512
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︎ Jan 26 2022
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer...
Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 22 2022
What is the capital of Poland?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 04 2021
A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 20 2022
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 03 2022
Letβs see what your made of Mike!
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 24 2021
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tilesβ¦
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 29 2021
SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
π︎ 17k
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︎ Jan 15 2022
2 guys walk into a bar with their wives and ask for 2 pints of Stella and 2 "girly" drinks
Bartender: 'So that's 4 pints of Stella?'
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 22 2021
I wore a kilt to my first therapy appointment today. Within seconds of sitting down to talk, the therapist told me I was mentally ill
His exact words were "I can clearly see your nuts"
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 08 2022
Lord of the Rings (Background sets not included)
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jan 01 2022
This year Iβm on a crusade to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes
Itβs about raisin awareness
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 16 2022
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up
π︎ 781
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︎ Jan 25 2022
Asking for a friend ............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl.
They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 23 2022
I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.
Someone garnished my wages.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 29 2021
"Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
π︎ 650
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︎ Jan 22 2022
What kind of doctor is Dr.Pepper?
π︎ 440
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︎ Jan 17 2022
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years, but they're having a really hard time...
...putting their case together.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 30 2021
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big bloody deal, I'm four".
π︎ 847
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︎ Jan 22 2022
Iβve often heard that βicyβ is one of the easiest words to spell.
Looking back at it now, I see why.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Jan 16 2022
What is the most dangerous part of a church?
π︎ 199
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︎ Jan 17 2022
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