A list of puns related to "Five O"
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
It had me fondly thinking back to the time years ago when my friend Mitchell and I toured four of the five Great Lakes one summer.
I wonder if I’ll ever see Mitch again?
— “Yesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my credit—and it fit.”
Owner: “Of course he sure is. I’ve sold him five times, and every time he comes back.”
Five minutes later, ten barbers asked how I wanted my hair.
What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.
“Five beers, please.”
But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.
He gave one to three for five
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
....it's like a high five for your foot.
The ancient Greeks greatly feared volcanic explosions from Mt. Olympus, so they developed a tradition of sacrificing young maidens to the Gods on the mountain. Every year they selected five girls, and sacrificed four. Then they assigned the other one to stomp the olive harvest. That’s where we get Extra Virgin Olive Oil.
Kawaii five-o
The teacher asks the class, “ there are five birds on a power line, and you shoot two of them, how many are left?”
Johnny replies, “ none the rest flew away when they heard the shot.”
The teacher says, “ no three are left but I like the way you think.”
So then Johnny says, “ let me ask you a question. There are three women eating ice cream, one licking it, one sucking it, and one biting it, which ones married?”
The teacher says, “ the one sucking?”
Johnny says, “ no the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.”
Luckily I only used five so I could still hold it
Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"
Her: "Its me."
Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"
Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"
My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!
Five fish got battered and a bunch of chips were a-salted.
I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.
I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.
If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.
I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.
I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.
I failed math so many times at school ... I can’t even count.
Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear
When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!
There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't
They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
They're all engraved.
(I told this to my five year old this morning and got a very satisfying groan.)
Beer nuts are just over five dollars, deer nuts are only under a buck.
"Hey Dad, what do you get when you add five Q's to five Q's ?"
"Uh, ten Q's? Right?"
"You're welcome. Not a problem."
What else have you got?
My butcher is going from five days a week to four days a week in order to ease himself into retirement. I don't think I can shop there anymore. It's just too odd having a butcher who can't do cold turkey.
" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
... Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.
Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
"Same as usual," I replied. "About five foot ten."
Without giving me a bye five. :(
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
Time to learn haiku Syllables? Five seven five? Fuck it i give up
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
(Five-year-old) I'm a fun guy, so they would eat me.
Five guys
I had it last night, that’s five nights on the trott!
And says "Give me five beers".
He shows the barman 2 fingers and says " Five beers please"
He sits down, holds up 2 fingers and says, “Five beers please.”
and holds up two fingers exclaiming "Five beers please!"...
"Five beers,please."
Five guys
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