It went well but I made some Wookiee mistakes.
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
Sorry, wrong sub.
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
Me: (looking down nervously) "What are these buttons for?
Co pilot: "They keep your shirt closed."
“Oh, that’s awful. Who was that?”
“Miss Givings.”
He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.
They’re a big fan of gross domestic products.
So you know what that means.... I honestly don’t because I have never had a slice of blue cheese!
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Poleish
Merry Christmas!!!
“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
That's #2 on my list.
Villain: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?
Me: I foiled your plans.
[I am immediately killed]
Customer: Well done.
Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me: "No, car no fly, car go roads"
Manager: "Can I see you in my office?"
...because all I can see is work, work, work, work, work...
When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.
The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions “so what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...
“Actually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”
Kid2: no, my parents are straight.
"And then we'll see."
The rest, as they say, is History.
Oops, wrong sub
People kept running in and yelling at me that they would need a venti later, then running right back out to their large flashy vans blaring obnoxious music.
I kept having to call after them, saying that “this is a hospital, not a Starbucks!”
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"
The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."
...but it's really starting to grow on me.
Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.
I've been training for this."
He replies “I know, this sub is full of reposts”
I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."
So I pushed her over.
I am so excited it’s my first cake day! I know the day is almost over butter late then never!
Me: (Looking down nervously ) "What are these buttons for?"
Co Pilot: "They keep your shirt closed "
He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
A lady asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
So I pushed her over.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"
The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."
