What does it feel like to get hit by a wave frequency?
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︎ Jul 03 2020
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Why does it feel so good to screw on a camping trip?
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︎ Jun 16 2020
How does a crab feel when it eats too much?
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︎ Jun 10 2020
Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.
I guess Iβm just black toast intolerant.
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︎ Apr 06 2020
Why does it feel so good to find the solution to addition problems?
The answer is always whole-sum
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︎ May 17 2020
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though
They got it right off the bat
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︎ Apr 29 2020
If you call a restaurant on a Native American reservation and donβt feel so certain about it...
then youβre having a reservation reservation reservation.
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︎ May 02 2020
How does it make you feel?
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︎ Jan 17 2020
It hurts when you have expectations; that's why a woman feels pain when she's pregnant
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︎ Feb 22 2020
Feel that grass. Do it
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︎ Sep 10 2019
I told my friend that it feels like I'm dating a machine these days.
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︎ Nov 15 2019
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.
...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
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︎ May 31 2019
You say you can quit drinking whenever you feel like it...
But I bet you can't go more than two or three days without water.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
Why letter "D" feels sad when you type it on a keyboard?
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︎ Feb 19 2019
How did the atom feel when it lost an electron?
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︎ Jun 23 2019
"I dont know, it feels like the relationship was starting to go bad..."
"Did you go on an expiration date?"
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︎ Sep 02 2019
A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
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︎ Jul 20 2019
Iβm reading a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is going to happen... I can feel it
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︎ Jul 21 2018
It made me feel pretty good when everyone in Jamaica thought I was macho...
Until I realised that's how they pronounce Matthew.
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︎ Jun 25 2019
Don't you love it when it's a hot summer day and you take a drink of water? Your mouth feels like it's finally reach salvation.
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︎ Dec 20 2018
Sometimes it feels like the same dad joke get posted every month or two
But this post suggests otherwise
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︎ May 31 2019
Taken from r/memes but I feel like it is a pun tho
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︎ Feb 04 2019
How did the tree feel when its leaves grew back?
Re-leaved
(I was told this is better for this sub than r/jokes)
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︎ Jul 28 2018
My friend asked βHow does it feel being a writer?β
Itβs all write I guess.
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︎ Apr 13 2019
I found this small stick with one end coated with a material that can be ignited by frictional heat. It made me feel loved, wholesome and beautiful.
Like a match made in heaven.
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︎ Apr 06 2019
Why did the horse feel rejuvenated when it walked out of the stable?
Because it was colt outside
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︎ Dec 12 2018
I tried to quit masturbation, but I couldn't...because on one hand, it feels good...ο»Ώ
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︎ Dec 01 2018
You guys, Iβm a dad and I have to say it.... I feel like a cow walking through tall grass
Iβm udderly tickled to be here!
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︎ Feb 01 2019
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, βWhat are you doing climbing my tree?β βWell, Iβm coming up here to eat some pears.β says the elephant.
βYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!β
βWell I brought my own pears.β
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︎ Dec 23 2018
Is it me or does this sub feel abandoned!?
http://i.imgur.com/hoyHvyJ.jpg
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︎ Aug 26 2017
Switch: What does it feel like when I turn you off?
Lamp: I don't light to think about it.
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︎ Oct 29 2018
Today I learned how it feels to sit over a woofer
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︎ Sep 24 2018
It feels like I havenβt seen anyone since last year
Says every dad on New Yearβs Day
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︎ Dec 31 2018
My Kid: Hey Dad how does it feel to be a drum.
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︎ Oct 24 2018
That moment when the sun makes it feels later than it is.
I guess the sun is a massive let down...
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︎ Dec 03 2018
A guy goes to the doctor and says βI donβt feel too good it feels like Iβve got a lettuce up my butt.
The proctologist says alright let me have a look.
The proctologist comes back and says βIβve got bad news, itβs worse than that, thatβs only the tip of the icebergβ.
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︎ Sep 19 2018
I made this to send to people after I make a pun. Feel free to use it, or make it onto a tshirt/phone case.
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︎ Jul 24 2017
When you can't feel your abdominals it's basically
Absence of your abs' sense
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︎ Mar 24 2018
How does it make you feel when people constantly try to judge your reliability?
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︎ Aug 06 2017
I feel so sorry for the guy who's job it is to crush cans because...
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︎ Jun 19 2017
My wife told me, "When you kiss my neck, it feels magical."
I guess you could say I'm a neckromancer.
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︎ Sep 16 2015
When it comes to good quality olive oil, I feel sorry for green olives...
They must be under a lot of pressure.
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︎ Mar 28 2016
I don't know why, but it feels like 2017 was just yesterday.
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︎ Jan 02 2018
Does it feel a bit solipsistic in here...
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︎ Feb 11 2016
What's green, fuzzy, and if it feel out of a tree onto you it would kill you?
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︎ Sep 22 2017
I said to my wife this morning, "I was just reading in a scientific paper that blades of grass can actually feel pain. Amazing isn't it?"
She chortled, "Nice try, buddy! The lawnmower's in the garage!"
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︎ Nov 07 2017
Wow, it feels like just yesterday it was November
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︎ Dec 02 2016
It's my cakeday and I feel punny
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︎ Oct 21 2014
Who is it who feels most for their friends?
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︎ Aug 21 2015
My boyfriend and I have been playing this game for a while now and it makes us laugh every time. Here are some of my faves so far. Feel free to add your own!
What kind of underwear does Zeus wear?
..............Thunderwear!
What kind of underwear does a pirate wear?
.............plunderwear!
What kind of underwear does the NRA wear?
...............gunderwear!
What kind of underwear does a tyrannical leader wear?
............Attila the Hunderwear!
What kind of underwear does a Spanish person wear?
...............Juanderwear?
can you think of some more? :)
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︎ Sep 28 2013
How does it feel to have the best son in the world?
"I don't know, ask your grandfather."
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︎ Oct 10 2014
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︎ Jul 08 2014
Didn't hear it from my dad, but I feel it belongs here
"Hey boy, guess what"
"What?"
"Good guess, how did you know?"
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︎ Aug 01 2013
Made my 9 year old cringe and it feels so good. "Mom, can I have an ibuprofen? My head hurts."
"Oh, sure, honey. Does your face hurt, too?"
"No, wh--"
"Because it's killing me!"
My husband laughed, so I feel pretty good about it.
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︎ Jul 26 2015
I feel like I just heard someone say it...
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︎ Jan 08 2014
"It feels like we're walking around in circles."
https://scontent-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/l/t1.0-9/1002564_10152084893704418_275552485_n.jpg
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︎ Jul 12 2014
He almost made me feel bad about it.
Scene: We had just gone hiking and I was in the car checking myself for ticks. I found one and threw it out the window.
Dad: Hey, stop litter bugging.
Me: What? I'm not!
Dad: Hm, you're right. You're bug littering!
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︎ Dec 22 2013
It feels like just yesterday it was 2014
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︎ Jan 01 2015
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