Fear of Rain Puns

There are many tales that have come from Viking lore but few are as lost as the tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

It was said that he was blessed by God's with a keen ability to predict the weather. Due to this magical gift, he became a renowned seaman. Feared by his enemies, and respected by his bannermen. After years of successful raids and conquests, one of his shield maidens finally plucked up the courage and asked him how he does it.

"Bran, how do you always predict the weather? How have you always, managed to avoid every storm the sea throws at you". All his men laughed and looked up at their leader. Before he could respond, his right-hand man stood up and with a smile on his face and retorted, " It's simple. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

I live in South Carolina, sort of near the coast, and Hurricane Florence is headed this way. My two youngest children--total cowards--were helping me clear out all of the storm drains and curb gutters on our street to help the expected 10-20 inches of rain drain as best they can. Any time any insect flies past them, they scream bee and run away screaming. I'm talking like they're afraid of butterflies. My youngest says that Winter is her favorite season because all the bees are dead.

So, we finish up, and I go inside ahead of them, making them put the shovels away, and I hear, from inside, them running and crying/shrieking across the front porch and inside the house.

My youngest, amidst her sobs, says, "It was as big as a baseball" and holds the one I keep on my desk up for comparison.

I think make the B sign in ASL with both of my hands, stand up and say "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" at them while they run away in fear, and when the middle child says, "THAT'S NOT FUNNY" I keep moving towards them with my B hands while saying, "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST LET YOU BEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I'm a great dad.

So my dad sent this to everyone in his office. I groaned a couple of times and thought it'd fit in well here.

Oh, the weather outside is crazy
Like a film from Martin Scorsese
The rain will fall and the wind will blow
El niño, el niño, el niño

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
My shirt and pants are sopping
Oh, where did that umbrella go
El niño, el niño, el niño

Weather patterns don’t seem right
Southern Cal is all a storm
The marine layer and all of its might
All because the Pacific is warm

The fear of fire is now subsiding
our thoughts turn to mudsliding
Down the hillside our houses flow
El niño, el niño, el niño