So I have an uncle, once removed.
I said, “Because he’s bedridden”
Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?
Dad: Can I tell other people about this?
"Huge Disapoint Mints!"
He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago to hear it tho...
Son: Dad, do trees poop?
Dad: Of course son, how do you think we get #2 pencils.
on Sonday.
Thanks for the Baghdad!
He was a real faux Pa.
"Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
I still have flashbacks.
He shows it to his son, all proud, and says : "You see, son, when you put a donkey in this end of the machine, a sausage will automatically come out." The son, very confused, asks : "But dad, is there a way to do the opposite, insert a sausage and a donkey comes out?" The father proudly answers : "Yes son, your mom."
It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.
He's a plastic surgeon .
I just didn't have the heart to tell him they were squirrels; not shoes. As long as he doesn't try to put them on again. That got messy.
He always told us one day he'd be a dead beet Dad.
He texted me to warn me that it was an old school, analog wok, not an Ewok.
He's wrong, son. The fingers should be eaten separately.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.
Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!
is this a dad joke? No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.
Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.
The Father responds with: “You bet your ass!”
Never take quartz for granite.
Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"
Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."
Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"
Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."
Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"
Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."
Data
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
"You're no son of mine"
Bison
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
Feliz Navi Dad Joke!
Father: What a horrible way to Dyson
Joke sucked, I know
Because all he does is eats, shoots and leaves
“Get whale soon"...
It was his vinyl request.
Before he leaves, the father says, “It’s a bison burger”
After eating dinner with my parents and grandma, I got a bag of Little Bites Fudge Brownies from the pantry. My grandma asks me if they were from the box. I hold them up and point to the package and say “no they’re from the bag”
My dad and I lost it and started crying. Pray that we find it soon.
His son asked him why the book was so fat. The father replied "It's a long story"
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
