Farewell Andromeda Puns

I've been replaying all the games recently, and I love them all. But weirdly, I really don't want to see the Milky Way and the crew of the Normandy again.

Those stories are over. The squadmates have all completed their arcs and become legends. Shepard's mission against the Reapers is done, and the galaxy is forever changed by the ending. No way to go back without having to canonise one ending. Plus, the Citadel DLC was a perfect farewell.

I'd much rather go back to Andromeda, full of untapped potential and unexplored planets. So much left to do! We've only just got to know the team and the cluster. I want to visit the Quarian ark, damnit!

Give me another couple of games hanging out with Drack.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

"I find myself quite glad to be unbothered by something like a war or the bickering of politics. It makes one at least provide the illusion that all things are in order, and that all things will be going smoothly for you."

• Ril'shar Paiat, Burgonan Philosopher, Union Expeditionary Corps. Scientist, and Colonist of Istalat V in the Galactic South of Andromeda

In stories, many see only the great conflicts and tensions between specific figures, but rarely wonder about the background unless it becomes part of the foreground. This is one of those times when that happens (thanks in part to u/xxxC0Y0T3xxx), when things that may not look important at first are brought to life. So, let's begin. As of current, approximately a third of all civilized planets (which is in the tens of millions) have a population above 10 million, and only a small percentage of those worlds have populations exceeding one billion. Everything in-between are either barren worlds being mined out, colonies on distant planets, space habitats, starships, and other smaller pockets of sentient life. Life has flourished and spread out across the Andromeda galaxy and has literally spaced out from one another, contrasting to the home galaxy of humanity which noted itself as the only sentient life in their galaxy. Average population density has traditionally declined as technology improved and prosperity increased. With only some exceptions in more hostile worlds, living life in Andromeda is usually much better than on our modern Earth. The average citizen, even in nations such as the NTI, often have access to benefits such as Universal Basic Income in civilized settings. Pollution is only a mild annoyance in most cases, with most transportation being almost fully electrical and energy production either going green or into orbit. But what really is life like for the average citizen of this galaxy? Well, it's not just one average lifestyle of a citizen, but many different kinds. Most general of this are City Residents, Sub-urban Residents, Colonists, and Spacers. This isn't even getting into the many different species and their cultures, which would be way to much for something like this. But for now, these four categories will do, and even within them there is room for variation, parts of which we will see and others we won't. So without further elaboration, let us begin the examination with how th

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Tonight is the 24th anniversary of John Denver's death. So I figured it would be good to make a post apricating him and his music.

Here lately I've been really listening to a lot of John Denver as I find he provides me lots of catharsis in the stressful times we are now living in. My love for his music can be traced back three generations now, It started with my Grandma who would play John Denver with my dad and his brothers when they would take trips half way across the nation to California back in the late 1970's / early 1980's and often times when passing through the Redwood National forest. This made an impact on my dad who many years later took me with him at a young age to get the live album known as ''An Evening with John Denver''.

We listened to it all the way home and I it was so different, John Denver's lyrics of love, nature and joy of life itself were very comforting, almost like being sung a lullaby, as was the gentle strum of his guitar, I was entranced by the majestic Rocky Mountain High.

These days, I struggle with lots of the same things many of you do. Career concerns, fear of loss, occasional confusion and upset with the current state of the world, but then I listen to John Denver and he tells me don't worry about any of that, look at the mountains and the streams, you see all these living trees that make oxygen for you to breath, don't you just fucking love that! Hell yes I do! His music is what a Bob Ross painting would sound like.

Thanks for the music John, I am going to plant a tree in your name. Wish you were here so I could tell how much your work is helping me deal with a tough time in my own life. Your end was tragic but your music has rippled through my family for three generations now and will for many more. You made a lasting impact on me and my family. Thanks for reading.

Rest In Peace.

(Rocky Mountain High)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMjWQ-0OCHY

(Farewell Andromeda)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPy9O9uaeoo

(Sunshine On My Shoulders)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diwuu_r6GJE

Also, some may not know but in 1985 John Denver, Dee Snyder and Frank Zappa took on the Tipper Gore/PMRC organization over censorship rights.

John arguably put up the most damaging fight against them making powerful statements likening their proposed censorship rules t

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

So basically, I want to smell like a forest. I grew up in the forest (rural Hudson Valley/Catskills), and had to be away from that environment for nearly a decade for school/work. I've finally settled down in another very foresty area in northern New England, and I've been searching for a scent to match the surroundings. I want people to smell me and think, hmm, did she just come out of the woods after rolling around in leaves and dirt? I want people to question if I'm a witch.

PINEWARD PERFUMES:

Boreal*- "pine needles, mint, cedar, resins, moss. Frigid forest of the northern wilderness. Chilly mint gives way to a soft bed of creamy cedar, pine, and moss.”*

• On the opening, I get a good amount of mint, but not toothpaste at all. It’s a very natural mint,chilly and green, not a confectionery. I didn’t expect to like the mint so much, but I do, and I think it’s because none of the sweetness is coming from the mint itself. It blends a bit with the pine in a way that makes them feel like they’re living in the same environment. It creates almost a cooling sensation on my tongue when I get up close to my wrist, which gives the impression of “standing outside in the snow on a super cold day, surrounded by pines”. As far as the pine goes, there's a lot of it. It smells less christmas-like than Murkwood. I think it’s because it’s pines instead of firs, and I just have that association. After a couple hours, I’m getting the cedar now as well, and it really does add a woody, creamy note that keeps this from going sharp or cologne-y. My brother and I used to have a “hideout” at the base of an Eastern White Pine when we were kids, and it reminds me a lot of that. After a few more hours, it all but disappears, which is consistent with reviews I've read. Beautiful, chilly, and fleeting. Not the familiar forests I grew up with, but gorgeous nonetheless.

Murkwood*- "fir balsam, black hemlock, lapsang suchong, moss, incense, bitter myrhh. Liturgical incense and tangles of gnarled fir boughs, a dark and foreboding forest.*”

• This opened as a super realistic, sticky, green, balsam fir. There was something a hair medicinal and sweet in the background, most likely incense. As it dried down, I got the impression of a cathedral in the forest around the winter holidays, or cozy cottage with a huge fir tree inside. It’s not spices that make it “holiday-esque” or cottage-y, it’s more the warmth and a bit of sweetness from the incense. It’s very well-b

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

"'No need to sweat it'? You do know that our species barely sweats in desert conditions, let alone in a match. Keep on going till you drop."

• Jikara L'thane, Current Heltrechab Champion, to several trainees, Mikran's Sumit Arena, Toras, 6,008 P.F.

The Burgonan species, known for their adeptness in engineering, trithestic faith, incredibly dry homeworld, and of course their four arms, are a rather culturally founded species. While many of them have grown into some common traits, various different ethnicities and cultural groups still distinguish themselves in the Andromeda Galaxy. Some focus on their duties to the divine while others focus more on science, some wish to live on more hospitable worlds while others prefer to live on dry worlds like their home. While it adds diversity to this already expansive galaxy, it also invites conflict between and within groups who differ greatly from one another. As such, there have grown ways in which these conflicts are sometimes resolved, from the legal to the illicit, from the bloodless to the bloodied. Among these methods of conflict resolution is a sport that has grown as a part of a greater Burgonan culture, one that while with a violent past serves as a way to unite the groups in the species. I am of course talking about. Heltrechab.

Heltrechab, also known to others including the humans in the galaxy as Quicksilver Boxing, is a form of hand-to-hand combat in similar vein to normal boxing. However, this sport is more focused on speed and dodging ability rather than power and blocking strikes. Due to the relatively unique metabolism of the species, their usually thinner frame, and of course extra pair of arms, attacks in Heltrechab are usually weaker in power but faster in speed. As such, countering an attack is a bit more difficult, as their focus on blocking one attack can leave the other side more open to an easy strike. As such, using a block or counter is usually reserved for when one enemy seems more focused on a weak point than simply rushing them down. Speaking of which, a common display of ability in Heltrechab is through a flurry of strikes with precision and speed being vital in the success of such attacks. The opponent on the other hand needs to be nimble and quick to avoid multiple attacks, sometimes to the point where their bodies may contor

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I won't be doing that today!

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

And then shook his arm really fast.

(True story, please groan with me.)

You take away their little brooms

''Pulling this over from a post I made yesterday on r/Music.''

So here lately I've been really listening to a lot of John Denver as I find he provides me lots of catharsis in the stressful times we are now living in. My love for his music can be traced back three generations now, It started with my Grandma who would play John Denver with my dad and his brothers when they would take trips half way across the nation to California back in the late 1970's / early 1980's and often times when passing through the Redwood National forest. This made an impact on my dad who many years later took me with him at a young age to get the live album known as ''An Evening with John Denver''.

We listened to it all the way home and I it was so different, John Denver's lyrics of love, nature and joy of life itself were very comforting, almost like being sung a lullaby, as was the gentle strum of his guitar, I was entranced by the majestic Rocky Mountain High.

These days, I struggle with lots of the same things many of you do. Career concerns, fear of loss, occasional confusion and upset with the current state of the world, but then I listen to John Denver and he tells me don't worry about any of that, look at the mountains and the streams, you see all these living trees that make oxygen for you to breath, don't you just fucking love that! Hell yes I do! as far as I am concerned his music is what a Bob Ross painting would sound like.

Thanks for the music John, I am going to plant a tree in your name. Wish you were here so I could tell you how much your work is helping me deal with a tough time in my own life. Your end was tragic but your music has rippled through my family for three generations now and will for many more. You made a lasting impact on me and my family. Thanks for reading.

Rest In Peace.

(Rocky Mountain High)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMjWQ-0OCHY

(Farewell Andromeda)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPy9O9uaeoo

(Sunshine On My Shoulders)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diwuu_r6GJE

Also, some may not know but in 1985 John Denver, Dee Snyder and Frank Zappa took on the Tipper Gore/PMRC organization over censorship rights.

John arguably put up the most damaging fight against them making powerful statements likening their proposed censorship rules to Nazi book burnings. John

When I got home, they were still there.