A list of puns related to "F word"
"No Dad, it was fuck."
There’s no F in way.
Me: did you just fucking fart Dad: DONT YOU ARE USE THE F WORD WITH ME. MY GRANNY BEAT ME WHEN I SAID THE WORD FART. Jeez, fucking kids.
I said, “What the make love are you talking about?”
Firetruck
Jake: Effingham is a funny name for a street.
Me: You know, I've kinda always thought that too.
Jake: Yeah, it's like the worst kind of pig there is.
Me: That's f-ing halarious.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
I will find you. You have my Word.
It can also write many other words too
Please let me know if this kind of post isn't allowed but I wasn't sure where to ask. I'm looking for puns including the word Brook. Even better if it's plural (brooks).
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."
The widow replies: “Thanks that means a lot.”
And another:
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain."
The widow replies: “Thanks that means a great deal.”
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
Not many words rhyme with “paper”.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Where you have to tell your children not to say the "S"-word.
I am asking two of my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids and wanted to word the question in a punny way related to their careers- one is a first-year medical resident and the other is a law student. I would like to flatter them/make it funny. Any and all ideas are appreciated!! If there is a better sub to ask this question please let me know:))
It was a play on words.
I asked my husband if he knew any Italian words, He told me "My wife is bellissimo"
I told him, "That's beautiful"
Happy mother's day!
You have my Word.
Melinda Gates: Bill, ...you have my Word.
that the word “gullible” looks like a cat upside down
Because there are more birds on that side.
Zinger from my father-in-law.
Edit: This is word for word. Thanks everyone for trying to make it better.
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡I couldn't hear his reply but his words resonated with me
It is difficult to calculate 20% in Imperial System
>!This is a play on the word "tipping", which means....(A)Pushing a cow over.............(B)Tipping a generous amount of 20% after dinner!<
But he keeps tripping over his words
Hey guys! I am getitng a puppy in a few months and her name is supposed to be Zoe. However since she is pure golden retriever because of some laws her full name has to to be “Give me your ‘name’” and I want it to be some kind of pun containing the word “Zoe” since that what she’s gonna be called like Zoedorable but something that matches the sentence and I though that maybe you guys can help.
So, Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce She gets the house and He gets the Windows!
According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn’t work together as Teams On the Surface they were a perfect couple, but deep down there was hardly any Kinect. He kept everything hidden like an X-Box and she never found it re- Azuring. The main reason she divorced Bill Gates because he was in Office365 days.
I had no words to describe how angry I was
Mark my words!
Me: Don't worry son, I'll sing you a lullaby.
Me: Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Me: And never mind that noise you heard.
Me: It's just the beasts, under your bed.
Me: In your closet, IN YOUR HEEEEEEAAAAD!
Me: EXIIIITTT LIIIIGGGHHHT!!!! ...... EEENNTTTERRRR NIIIIGGGHHT!!!
taken from dad jokes
Because they don't know the words?
Well, her exact words were, “You’re a fucking tool” but I knew what she meant.
It can write other words as well.
He threw her out the Windows. He Excels at that. He wants a Word with his lawyer. He's PowerPointing her to the door. I guess they just weren't on each other's Teams.
"No Dad!! It was fcuk."
It can write other words too ! 😄
It can write other words too
And it can also write other words too
It writes lots of other words too.
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