My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.

I said " Chucky Cheese"

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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My daughter, Eliza, kept asking me to use my 3D printer to make monogrammed chairs for her dolls. Last Sunday I printed over 100 of them. She was so happy. She started putting them on everything for decoration.

We had a Sunday, everything with a chair E on top.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VeryOriginalName98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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It took me years to learn everything about acids

I mean, it's not very basic...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/longnamewithnospaces
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2020
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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2018
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My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 471
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chuin_masterofsinanj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2019
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Me to my daughter: I know everything.

Her: no you don't. Me: I'll prove it later.

Later that day... Her:dad, can I go to shelly's and play. Me:No. Her: Why not? Me: Because I no everything.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2019
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"Vote for me, and we won't have BEEF. I hope to MEAT all of your expectations, but if we don't accomplish everything, don't have a COW."
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fools_Requiem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2018
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I once met a flat earthier who was really excited to tell me everything about the flat earth (not knowing that I believed in a round earth)

I told him, β€œwoah, slow down buddy. Curve your enthusiasm”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/danlehavj
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2019
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I WAS on top of the laundry. Then my wife had to ruin everything and tell me to fold it like I promised and stop lying on it while I watch TV.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Onegodoneloveoneway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2019
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My wife said she's leaving me because I always relate everything to Batman.

What a Joker.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kurtastrophe12
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2019
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I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh

and no pun in 10 did

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2018
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My reddit bio says everything you need to know about me
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alex1nChains
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2018
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I was in a really bad mood earlier because my wife accused me of always trying to turn everything in to a joke. After hours of awkward silence, she finally gave in and asked, "What's the matter!?"

I replied, "It's the basic structural component of the universe..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2018
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My wife stared icily at me and grumbled, β€œWhy does everything have to be a game with you?!”

I shouted, β€œAn excellent question, my dear! But next time, please use the buzzer!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2018
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She asked me to make sure everything was clear on the counter…

So I said, "what should I do with all the opaque things?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/crocodilesareforwimp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2018
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Make me one with everything. -- Zen Master to the hot dog vendor
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thrashertm
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2016
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Man, everything these flat-Earthers say to me...

...brings me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotagoK
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2017
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Me to my dad while he is grilling: Can I have a hot dog with everything on it?

...Everything isn't going to fit on one little hot dog.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bradfink2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2013
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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2019
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