What would you have if everyone in the country owned a pink car?
You'd have a pink carnation.
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︎ Sep 30 2022
In the early 1900's, everyone had horses and only rich people had cars. These days, everyone has cars and only rich people have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
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︎ Aug 08 2022
Everyone in my neighbourhood wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small for them....
We are a very tight knit community.
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︎ Oct 11 2022
Why does everyone in Skandanavia have to build their own tables?
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︎ Jul 31 2022
In Athens, everyone struggles to wake up early.
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︎ Aug 19 2022
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone in the library and I couldnβt figure out what was going on-
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︎ Apr 24 2022
An open letter to everyone arguing about types of jokes should be allowed in this sub:
C
Sorry, Iβll usher myself outβ¦.
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︎ Feb 02 2022
Why does everyone in America wear sleeveless tops?
Because in the U.S they have the right to bare arms.
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︎ Jun 06 2022
My six year old niece couldnβt wait to tell everyone this one over Easter: Why didnβt God let the worms stay in their Apple when they got on Noahβs Ark?
Because he told everyone they had to travel in Pears.
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︎ Apr 18 2022
Why does everyone in Moscow walk so fast
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︎ Jun 03 2022
I need to apologize to everyone that wrote "Stay cool" in my high school yearbook.
I keep having hot flashes.
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︎ Jul 16 2022
Everyone who has tried to catch a fog rolling in...
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︎ Jul 11 2022
Not everyone has the tenacity to succeed in the cereal business.
Some people just flake out.
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︎ May 23 2022
I was watching this guy demolish everyone in chess, but he spoke with an accent, so I asked if he was Russian...
... he answered "Czech, mate"
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︎ May 23 2022
Everyone on the plane looked at me in disgust as I boarded.
I dont know what their problem is. I was told everyone was allowed to bring one carrion bag.
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︎ Jun 04 2022
My wife insists on dipping her pigs in a blanket into both the Ketchup and the Mustard, when everyone knows you aren't supposed to mix sauces...
She mustup a perfectly good snack!
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︎ May 20 2022
Thereβs a guy in my town whoβs hosting events every weekend. Of course I canβt always be there but everytime I donβt show up he tells everyone in town Iβm a bad guy and that I should burn in hell.
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︎ Apr 07 2022
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides heβs needs a drink so he goes to a local bar He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks β you ainβt from around here are you?β
βNo sir,β He says, βIβm from Minnesotaβ
β What the hell do you do in Minnesotaβ the bartender asks.
βIm a taxidermist!β The man replies.
βWhat the hell is that!?β The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously β I umm, mount dead animalsβ
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar β itβs ok fellas, heβs one of us!β
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︎ Nov 25 2021
I farted in an Apple store, and everyone looked at me funny.
But it's not my fault the place doesn't have Windows.
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︎ May 04 2022
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I like to think one day everyone in this subreddit will be dropped off by their children at the old folks home (hopefully the same one). Then collectively, we could all look back with fond memories how they were once babies but since then
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︎ Apr 08 2022
My neighbor is really into well manicured lawns and wants everyone to follow suit. In fact he is arguing for some sort of worldwide homeowners association
And I was like βWHOAβ!!!
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︎ Apr 09 2022
If everyone in this sub died and came back to life
would we become a horde of the pundead?
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︎ Mar 16 2022
Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a urine sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...
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︎ Mar 04 2022
Have you heard about this new meal plan from Leonardo DiCaprio? He used it to get in shape for all his roles, and now heβs letting everyone else in on it for $10 a month.
Itβs called the Pay Leo Diet.
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︎ Feb 20 2022
(Stolen) the difference between Iran and Iraq is, in Iran everyone is afraid of spiders
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︎ Nov 30 2021
Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Everyone is going to be disappointed in the year 3333
The third day does not fall on the thirdsday!
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︎ Feb 02 2022
Everyone in the states calls it trash
And I think thatβs rubbish
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︎ Dec 12 2021
I went to the most recent tennis game in my town and started yelling a question about everyone's net worth.
My wife then backhanded me and told me to stop making such a racket.
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︎ Jan 06 2022
A baker in a small village woke up one morning to find everyone in town had vanished during the night.
As he began his daily routine of preparing to bake countless loaves of bread, he quickly realized there was no knead.
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︎ Jan 10 2022
Everyone is bringing cheese to this party, and we're putting little flags in them.
Mine has a pirate flag because it's stolen.
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︎ Nov 26 2021
Merry Christmas everyone! (Repost from Facebook, Credits in the image)
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︎ Dec 07 2020
In Quarantine, Everyone..
..is in Discord.
(I felt like I put the pun into use..)
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︎ Aug 03 2021
It was very lightly raining in Nevada for everyone but Mike Tyson.
For him, it was just a myth
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︎ Dec 20 2021
In the series LOST everyone is afraid of night except the Korean guy. Why ?
He gets happy when Sun goes down.
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︎ Dec 23 2021
Thereβs an early draft of the bible where everyone died in the great flood
that was the end of Noahβs arc
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︎ Oct 31 2021
Everyone always goes on about how the Imperial War Museum in London is amazing
But nobody visits the Metric War Museum, just across the road.
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︎ Jul 22 2021
Why did it take everyone in the building to change the light bulb?
Because many hands make light work.
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︎ Sep 16 2021
Egyptian pharaohs used to time their flatulence so everyone in the palace would fart simultaneously.
They were required to toot in common.
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︎ Jun 15 2021
To everyone freezing their asses off in Texas
Go stand in the corner, itβs 90 degrees.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Successfully managed to get a collective groan from everyone in the break room.
After a particularly hot and busy shift one night I walked into the break room where several other staff members were hanging out either on their break or done for the evening. One of them, noticing how sweaty I'd gotten in the heat, asked if I was okay. With a glint in my eye and a devious grin I turned to them and replied:
"just call me mayonnaise..." *confused looks on everyone's faces* "...because I'm egg-sauce-ted"
Having been the only dad in a room full of young folk I'd seen an opportunity I couldn't resist and taken it. I was greeted by a chorus of pained groans as everyone tried to un-hear my god-awful play on words only to discover that it was indelibly etched in their minds, permanently taking up a small piece of otherwise-useful brain space.
Needless to say, it was immensely satisfying. They may not have laughed but I laughed harder than I have in a good while.
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︎ Oct 12 2021
In Iran, everyone is terrified of spiders, but apparently..
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︎ Oct 19 2021
In Iran, everyone is terrified of spiders, but apparently..
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︎ Jul 29 2021
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