Why is every number below 0 having a rough time
It’s all negatives for them
My wife keeps calling me immature. So now, every time she says that, I just tell her….
to get out of my fort! It’s Boys Only!
she pronounces it "bath". Cracks me up every time XD
Every time someone tells me, "hey, nice moustache"
I say, "thanks, it's growing on me."
My father literally knows one joke, and he tells it with the same enthusiasm every time. I've heard it for the fifth time this year, so I'm gonna share it with you guys:
Did you know a moth hears with its wings?
Take a moth and tell it to fly. It will listen.
But remove its wings and tell it to fly. It does nothing.
Sorry. You see what I've got to put up with.
Every time my kids come home from college I compliment them on how patient they’re becoming..and they always get so upset with me.
I don’t see what’s so bad about telling them they’ve “gained a little wait”.
Every time I try to go on a diet...
A chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
Every time someone imitates the knights from Monty Python, I automatically think they are a horrible person.
Every time my guests walk by a portrait of me, they get slobbered on.
Nobody listens when I tell them it's a spitting image.
I was reading some new information about the Star Wars sequel trilogy, and apparently the crew had to put out multiple infernos every time Supreme Leader Snoke was on set.
I guess the old saying is true: where there's Snoke, there's fire.
Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning.
Every time I see someone wearing army fatigues I make a joke about them being invisible
I had a karate teacher who wasn't very good at his job. Every time he was hit he'd start crying.
Every time I touch I get the zaps
I swear, every time I take the orange juice out I spill a little of it
My dad has a coughing fit every time he laughs at his own jokes.
He suffers from punintended consequences.
there is a fast food canteen in the quantum physics building. every time you look at the menu it changes
Did I every tell you about the time I wrestled a bear in my pajamas?
I still have no idea how he managed to get them on...
My first 2 weeks on the job, every time I got up from my desk I hit my head on the cabinets above me. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong
Until one day, when I finally understood.
Did you hear about the pirate who got mad every time his ship floated away?
He had to take anchor management classes.
You know what the urologist would say every time his kids misbehaved?
If I had a dollar for every time I saw that rabbit typo joke reposted here
My co workers can’t stand working with me at the sperm bank because every time a new customer walks in I can’t help but say
Every time my kids stay up late I tell them "The cows are asleep!"
Me every time I post a pun.
Every time I try to come up with a joke about gastropods…
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him.
That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Imagine if you got five cents every time you pissed,
That would be the peenickel of society.
Every time I walk past a certain lady at work she says, "Hola!"
I told her, "You gotta holatta holas!"
I bought a camping tent and I'm impressed with how it's deployed nicely every single time, over and over...
I keep making puns no matter what I do! Every time I try to refrain, I yell at myself “stop”
But as they say, the pun is mightier than the s-word.
I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies.
My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
My son throws his linen off his bed every time he has a nightmare.
You know that every time you see a group of crows..
I used to have a swear jar, but I changed it into a pessimism jar. Every time I get negative feelings, I put a coin in it.
It’s currently half empty.
If I had a nickel every time that Doofenshmirtz two nickels quote is mentioned,
Then I'd have millions of nickels, which is a lot, but it's not really strange that it's been quoted a million times
Starting with the next release, Apple’s voice assistant will require lubrication every morning around breakfast time.
My dad used to always say the same thing to us every single time we drove past a cemetery
"You know, people are just dying to get in there."
If I had a dollar for every time algebra has helped me...
Every time my neighbor yells at me because HE stepped in MY dog's poop on HIS private road, I tell him "Don't blame me..."
"... it's your own asphalt."
When I was in kindergarten every time I fell and hurt myself my grandpa would say
"OH no you got a cracks in your butt"
My own granddaughter is now old enough that I can say this to her.
I told my doctor my eye hurts every time I drink tea...
He told me to take the spoon out.
It's so unfortunate every time that Blink 182's drummer makes a cup of Earl Grey...
What do plumbers say every time they fix a burst pipe?
Every time I go to work I hide.
Good employees are hard to find.
Every time I (an English teacher) correct my wife's misuse of a word, she laughs it off and says...
"That's why I get for marrying a linguinist!"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
