Erase Me Puns

I was helping her do some initial pencil line work for a painting that she is working on, and she said to me "I don't know where my kneaded eraser went." To which I responded, "Well, I guess it was needed elsewhere."

She looked me dead in the eyes and just said, "You disgust me."

The eraser replied "you have a point."

-As told to me by seven-year-old Gibson M. L.

I ordered a l dry erase calendar from Amazon, and it arrived today. My wife got the package asked me "Honey, did you order something off of Amazon?" Me "oh yeah, it's my penis enlarger" Her "ha ha. It's a really big box" Me "damnit, they sent the wrong thing"

Boss was pointing out the new dry erase boards in the conference room and asked what we thought of them.

Me: "They're pretty remarkable"

The simultaneous groan from everyone in the room made my victory that much sweeter.

Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.

A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."

He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.

My teacher was not amused.

We were in class and my friend saw my eraser on the desk. He then takes out his own eraser.

Friend: Look at your eraser, so dirty and old whereas mine is so clean and pure.

Me: Don't be e-racist

Friend: ...

I was so happy that day.