What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth
He eventually came around
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...
you could go to jail for a very long time?
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...
I saw the post about not wanting 2020 to end as it would mean that 2021...
but I am just worried that two years later, nothing will change and it will be still be the same as 2022...
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
I’ve decided to put an end to color-based segregation in my household...
...however my wife disagrees, and is no longer letting me use the washing machine.
When Adobe decides to finally end Flash Player, they’ll actually be building something new!
They’ll be breaking newgrounds!
My grandpa recently got a new chair for his stairs, but it frustrates him to no end.
He says it drives him up the wall!
UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.
I dated a neurosurgeon once, but I had to end it.
I think she was trying to get into my head.
Linkin Park have a song called Numb, but to me their In The End is Number song
You know what we’re going to see at the end of this year?
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
Everyone has been asking me about my plan to continue my career as a juggler when the quarantine ends, but I’m not sure yet...
everything is still up in the air.
I want to be a chicken farmer but my chickens always end up dying.
Maybe I'm not planting them deep enough.
Someone needs to put an end to these Epstein memes...
They don't seem to be dying on their own.
When you want to end a race quickly
Every day at the end of rehearsal, my director friend takes out a sandwich to eat.
He then points at it, and says, ‘That’s a wrap, everybody.”
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
I went to a "Put An End To Sarcasm" meeting.
"What brings you here?" asked the host on my first day.
I said, "My legs."
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.
In the end, he came around.
(originally r/jokes)
When someone wants to end a conversation, they give confident directions
I know, right, well there you go
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out "60 Watts - Made in China".
I never expected the vintage movie I was watching to end with everyone doing a dance popular in the early 60s which is inspired by rock and roll.
Two men went fishing one day. They sat in the boat all day, drinking beer and trying different baits. But they caught nothing worth writing home to mom about. So at the end of the day as they were loading up their boat, the first fisherman, whom I'll call John said,
"I bet I reeled in a lot of the redditors looking for a punchline, eh?"
The other fisherman said, "yeah, the reel joke is usually in the comments!"
This is a story that ends in my best joke to date.
I'm a nanny, the family I work for typically hang out for 10-30 minutes before the parents leave me and baby alone, just to chat and catch up, as well as to mitigate any potential meltdowns from a sudden leaving.
Anyway, Baby has started walking and is very keen to investigate everything. Yesterday he was headed straight to the electrical outlet. So I said to him, "oh no that's not a toy! Our fingers don't go there,"
Dad says, "baby disagrees"
"That's shocking."
Dad, "That's better than any dad joke I've come up with"
Is there ever a reason to break the end off your pencil?
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year I’ll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...
Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
You know, my flat-earther friend tried to walk to the end of the world to prove its flat.
In the end, he came around.
My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it is flat.
In the end, he came around.
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